Has he ever said what he wants to do with his life? You mention his guitar? Does he play anywhere? Has he ever tried giving lessons? Does he have an addiction? How old is he? Sounds like something broke his spirits years ago.
He wants to own land and be a farmer in northern california. I try to explain to him that to do something like that it takes work...that one has to start somewhere to save money to buy land and everything one would need for start up. That no one is just going to give him ____ amount of money to go after his dreams but he's got to go after them himself. He would like to work outside somehow (national parks, construction, natural cobb housing, farm work, anything outside) but he's unwilling to go to school for anything. He's 31 years old without any education. I have offered to tutor him through the GED course, to help him apply to a CC or JC, to help him with his financial aid documents, to help him with his classes ( I LOVE school and wish I could be a career student lol). Going to school would bring in money. I did it. I went from living homeless on the streets to entering a GED prep course, then going to a JC, then transferring to a major University and graduating with honors.
No he doesn't play anywhere. I have tried to encourage him to go to open mics, or to play with his friends, or to just DO SOMETHING but he tells me playing his guitar is like his therapy. It's for him. Ugh.
Addiciton? He's struggled with drugs all his life. When he was 10 his mom came home and told him that she was probably going to die of breast cancer and it really messed with his head. (she ended up beating the battle) He was medicated at a young age for adhd, until his aunt introduced him to pot when her was 11 or 12. Shortly after (maybe 14-15) he started using psychedelics (LARGE amounts) after that he started mainlineing (sp?) herion and cocain for near death experiences. He had been in and out of rehabs a few times in his teenage years and early adulthood. He tried to commit suicide at least once. He had an extreme pharm addiction for a few years before we became romantically involved (oxy's then methadone). When we became romantically involved he decided to quit his addiction cold turkey, which was hard. On both of us. SOmeone on 100mg of methadone daily just stopping was hell on earth. I had NO idea what I was in for as I had never used an opiate in my life at this point (well once when i was perscribed but it made me very sick so they just sat in my med cabinet). That was almost six years ago. From what I understand it can take YEARS for PAWS to fully fade.
I know what you all must be thinking. WHY THE FUCK DID I EVER GET INVOLVED WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?
I don't know. Daddy issues? Deep down I have my issues too. Why are broken people pulled to other broken people? I think the best thing would be a GOOD therapist for both of us seperately and one for us jointly. Unfortunately they are hard to find and really expensive. I feel like if I just leave him or kick him to the curb I'd be giving up on him, on us, on our family. I don't think he's inherently bad (although I guess I could be wrong) I just think he's got some major problems that need dealt with. As I do as well. I suppose if I didn't have such low self-esteem or self-worth then it would be easy to just leave and move on.
I see the parasitic nature of his actions. It bugs me. It spirals me into depression. Maybe I am just being fooled though. But life is not black and white. It's numerous shades of gray. If it was black and white it would be easy to take the advice here and cut ties and not let him hurt me anymore. It's just, if his spirits are broken, how do I breathe life back into him?
Does any of this make sense or do I really just sound as pathetic as I think I do?