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My wife is BORING in the sack

hustlababy09 said:
You need to tell her without hurting her, because she's not a mind reader. Sometimes my boyfriend thinks I am and it makes me so mad because he won't say how he's feeling until later, and I had no idea the whole time. (Ex. he'll be mad about a comment I made, and instead of telling me "that pissed me off", he'll sit there and act weird without telling me why he's acting like that.) Try telling her, "hey I'd like to try X" or "let's switch it up, babe, do this" WHILE you're having sex. I'm not sure if you two watch porn together, but maybe you could go through some porn videos, find something you'd like to do, and watch it with her (while acting like it's the 1st time you've seen it of course). Then tell her something along the lines of, "let's do that". You need to voice how you're feeling now because otherwise it could really hurt you two in the long run. Sex isn't everything but if you don't feel that physical chemistry it can be really detrimental to your marriage. Suggest things to her without coming right out and saying "you're boring". When you two are doing your normal thing, try to switch it up DURING the "act" (lol). You can do that without even saying anything. Put her in a certain position or flip her on top, grab her hips, and show her exactly how you want her to do it. Buy her a sexy outfit, tell her that she looks so hot and you're proud of her losing all the weight and want her to wear it for you. Light candles around the room and put on some soft music..a little romance can go a long way and it could make her more open to suggestions. Be creative. There are a lot of ways to signal to her that you want to change things up a little without hurting her. Go get it!! lol ;)
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Despite the lack of line breaks !! this is great advice, I've found nover a 25 year realtionship that tou really have tpo work at sex or it will just die. Watching some (not extreme) porn together can be really a really good way of introducing new ideas.
 
Her sex drive might be out of whack due to the gastric band surgery. I know guys need to monitor their testosterone levels following the surgery so I expect the same is required for women. Have you been given testosterone? Maybe that is why your sex drives are out of synch
 
Oh, and the outdoors things works really well. It would take me 2 hours, literally, to get off with one of my gf's. Tried it outside behind the local mason lodge with people going up and down the road during daylight...Lets just say things went pretty quickly lol...
 
Well, I can tell you and I don't want to scare you but when I was with my first husband the only time I was boring was when I was having an affair. I felt so guilty that my bedroom habits just changed completely and I told him about it and our marriage ended shortly after that. I don't play those games and would never again. For the record affairs just SUCK. The are not good for anything even if you tell yourself they are. I found out also if you are having an affair you are not with the right person. I have been with my new husband 12 years and I don't even want to be away from him one hour..lol

That aside, women go through all kinds of crappy things with our hormones. Raising a child can be exhausting on our minds. We can be really revved up and then in a few hours nothing. The way to a woman's downstairs is through the upstairs. Be kind, open and loving with our bull that we have to put up with (don't over do it..lol.. we know what is up then..just be real) and when you are in the bedroom do all sorts of things..what about watching some porn? tell her dirty stories? One of the hottest times (and we have hot sex every time) was when my husband picked up my sex story book while we were having sex, flipped me over so that we were side by side still having sex and read one of those paragraphs.. OH MY GOD! But if you do sexy things, you must have some endurance to back it up.
 
That's because y'all's hormones aren't being released constantly like ours...we got used to it as teenagers lol : P

j/k, I really have no idea about that, these statements are based off of the most minute amounts of knowledge from taking human sexuality lol.
 
DJW said:
That's because y'all's hormones aren't being released constantly like ours...we got used to it as teenagers lol : P

j/k, I really have no idea about that, these statements are based off of the most minute amounts of knowledge from taking human sexuality lol.
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yea.. that really is a joke :-), because our hormones are being released all the time. It's up...then dowwwwn.. then upppp and the thing about it is most guys don't have a clue that while it may be effecting our sexual desire, 9 times out of 10 it just takes us for a ride mentally. I am older now and know this. Young girls go around acting crazy and going off not even knowing why it is happening to them and in return confuses the hell out of young (well all) guys.
Women's desire is definitely controlled with the mind, it is only about 2 times a month that the physical touch can actually create a total response (other times we respond but it slowly builds). So, when your lady has had a really crappy day mentally the body hates to respond, but if you are sexy with her (without being overbearing with it) all day or all the time I should say then the woman's mind allows her to be more open and receiving of a great sexual experience.

This might sound over complicated. It isn't, trust me! My husband has it right! But I do want to say that a woman has to be confident with herself too and genuinely love sex when they want it. Confident does not mean thinking she is hot to herself, it means knowing what she wants out of the sexual part of the relationship. My husband, then first time lover, said he was really relaxed and really turned on by the fact that I participated in my own satisfaction. You know, had my own ideas and things like that.
 
Does she get off during sex? If not, try getting her some toys. Or just ONE toy, if she's not really into that kind of thing. Maybe a small vibrator that she can use during sex, but won't get in the way. Better yet, use it on her before sex. Either a) take lots of time with foreplay and lavish attention on her or b) be rough and dirty. Whisper something to her and grab her. Be forceful and strong. (only try this if you know she won't respond badly. You mentioned you did kinky things before, it may bring back those desires for her.) a fun scenario to try would be to get the kids taken care of(if you have them). Hire a babysitter for the night, and take her to a nice restaurant. Treat it like a first date, when you're trying really hard to impress this new, exciting, beautiful woman. Take her to a nice hotel (the bed-bug ridden motel rooms are not very conducive to romance) and again, treat it like the first time (though less awkward and embarrassing, maybe). Best of luck!
 
^ Agreed. Train tracks were the first setting I had outdoors sex at, then a nude beach but that doesn't really count cuz I was only in for like 30 seconds.
 
Well I'm having kinda the same deal..I'm the wife and I'm just NOT into sex lately(maybe the opiates, dunno). Our sex is usually VERY kinky and hot, but half the time I'm not getting off at all so I get bored and it's too much effort. Try just a quickie...just a hot quick thing where you're not seducing her, you just come at her and get it on. That's always fun. Also buy some sex toys, make it about her, and try not to talk about it all the time. My hubs is constantly asking why we don't have sex mroe...nothing puts me in the mood LESS than having that talk.
And if none of our suggestions work, maybe she just has a low libido? I also have to say, if she's just lost a ton of weight, she may be getting more male attention and enjoying flirting w/ other guys...not to say she'd cheat (not all do) but maybe play on that...
 
Well the first few years she wanted it ALL the time and I didn't. So now its me and not her. I didnt like it then cause i was fat as hell im talking 451 and now im 250 and have a sex drive that would tear thru a whore house. But since shes gotten thin her sex drive went sooooo down. And I am 100% faithful and would never stray. But by some chance that she did oh hell.
 
If your wife is boring in the sack - maybe you take charge, like a man, and TAKE her somewhere naughty, and spontaneous...

Maybe you get a mistress, and learn some new things, and then you can use them on your wife...or you could actually do some research into different positions, and then just use your imagination on where would be hot to fuck... try teasing her...orgasm denial, til she's begging for you to make her cum...calls you a bastard coz you won't but she's so turned on...take teh power back dude...sounds like you're not wearing the trousers in your house enough.

Oh just read your last post...she might be having it somewhere else if you don't spice things up...

Why don't you try some stuff and then talk to her about whats up, if it doesnt work out...??
 
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