Flickering
Bluelighter
To start with, I could best be called demisexual: I can live without sex, and I'm usually only interested in it if I have an emotional attachment to the person in question. I'm heterosexual. With one exception when I was a teenager, I've only ever been drawn to older girls - one time, I dated someone who was fifteen or sixteen years older than me. It's not because I sought that out, she just happened to be someone I was interested in.
What I don't want out of a relationship is: obsessing over each other. Having to spend time together every day. Constant phone calls and text messages. Cutesy voices and names. The idea of puppy love in general, just being over the moon to be in another person's presence. Several of my friends are like this with their girlfriends. Nothing against them - I'm happy for them - but I just don't want that stuff. Never have.
I believe our society would give me all sorts of labels... emotionally immature... self-centred... unwilling to commit... And I'm aware that most people would find it puzzling as a philosophy on relationships. It's like a relationship without the love.
Well...
You look at the trends of a relationship, typically the first few years are great, but a decade into marriage and you're going to self-help seminars and therapy to 'rekindle your love life' and 'get back that youthful excitement in the bedroom'. This says something to me. Love, at least that kind of love, is fleeting. What I want is companionship. It'd be more accurate to say, I want to be with someone I like a lot and care about, than to be with someone I'm 'in love with'. This would be the sort of person who I'd happily live with, sleep with when we wanted but not out of any compulsion of being together, would enjoy their company as a really close friend, and would basically be honoured to share the world with.
But this idea of being in love with a person? I don't know that I'm actually capable of that. It seems to be a very deep part of my temperament. I've had it suggested to me that maybe I'm a kind of very high-functioning sociopath, one who has a very strong sense of honour and morality yet doesn't feel actual emotions, per se, towards other people, or even towards myself. I could live alone all my life, if that's the implication. I'd rather not, but it wouldn't destroy me. Anyway, just thought I'd put this out there... it's probably the most un-romantic thing you've ever read, hope it was at least impressive.
What I don't want out of a relationship is: obsessing over each other. Having to spend time together every day. Constant phone calls and text messages. Cutesy voices and names. The idea of puppy love in general, just being over the moon to be in another person's presence. Several of my friends are like this with their girlfriends. Nothing against them - I'm happy for them - but I just don't want that stuff. Never have.
I believe our society would give me all sorts of labels... emotionally immature... self-centred... unwilling to commit... And I'm aware that most people would find it puzzling as a philosophy on relationships. It's like a relationship without the love.
Well...
You look at the trends of a relationship, typically the first few years are great, but a decade into marriage and you're going to self-help seminars and therapy to 'rekindle your love life' and 'get back that youthful excitement in the bedroom'. This says something to me. Love, at least that kind of love, is fleeting. What I want is companionship. It'd be more accurate to say, I want to be with someone I like a lot and care about, than to be with someone I'm 'in love with'. This would be the sort of person who I'd happily live with, sleep with when we wanted but not out of any compulsion of being together, would enjoy their company as a really close friend, and would basically be honoured to share the world with.
But this idea of being in love with a person? I don't know that I'm actually capable of that. It seems to be a very deep part of my temperament. I've had it suggested to me that maybe I'm a kind of very high-functioning sociopath, one who has a very strong sense of honour and morality yet doesn't feel actual emotions, per se, towards other people, or even towards myself. I could live alone all my life, if that's the implication. I'd rather not, but it wouldn't destroy me. Anyway, just thought I'd put this out there... it's probably the most un-romantic thing you've ever read, hope it was at least impressive.
