11/15/2009
My Invisible Twin Tolerance and I
By Her Royal Highness TJ, The Crystal Princess
Whenever myself or anyone else complains of or mentions their tolerance to a specific drug, I get a mental picture of say a bunch of meth slammin fiends sitting around slammin and another group of fiends popping pills, snorting, all groups taking chems in all methods of administration. The only problem is that all of us have an invisible twin self whose name is Tolerance. Now every time we slam dope or pop, snort, or drink chemicals our invisible twin Tolerance reaches over and grabs 75% of the high for himself/herself and there is nothing we can do about it because he/she is a ghost, but there nonetheless. Someone with a very high tolerance slamming a lot of meth gets frustrated and disappointed because Tolerance reached out, grabbed 97% of the high for herself (or himself) and left only 3% for the user.
And every time the user uses, a big smile comes over his or her invisible twin Tolerance's face as he/she says "Thank you!" and enjoys the fuck out of an ass kicking buzz. All the while the user is pissed and/or frustrated, but unfortunately cannot prevent the ghost twin from taking the buzz. Some days the only thing that gets high is someone's twin Tolerance who is so greedy and doesn't give a fuck about the user. Instead he/she selfishly takes all or most of the buzz with a big elated expression on his/her face, higher than a kite and says, "Thank you!"
I can’t count the times I’ve plead poverty to my invisible twin Tolerance. “C’mon man PLEASE don’t take the entire buzz! I have no more money, and if you take it all, I’m going to feel like 50 million flavors of crap city, so PLEASE dear twin for once in your life, show a little pity?!,” spoken as both a plea and command simultaneously with equal intensity, but do you think even once she cared? HELL NO! Same old tired bullshit. One day, some 20 odd years ago, I had only 3 pain pills left, no money, no way to get more pills for another week, PLUS I had severe physical pain, a migraine from hell. In order for me to both make the pain cease and desist and/or get high would have required at least 6 pills at once on an empty stomach because my invisible twin Tolerance gets her share first, no matter what. No matter how hard I’ve tried to beat her to it, she ALWAYS wins, time and time again.
The only time and the only way I’ve been able to get to my rightful hard earned high first is by practicing the word that most addicts dread, abstinence, ha ha. I remember the slight consolation I felt the first time I saw my invisible twin, who learned quickly to get to the drugs way b4 me every day, during my worst binge periods as a daily user. Years later, I managed voluntary abstinent vacations of 90 days off/then one week on/repeat. This went on for 2 years. The 1st time & the first day with no drugs, there she was, standing with her transparent hand stretched out, waiting patiently. Eventually after 24 hrs, it dawned on her that, whoops, sorry folks, no drugs today to steal from her hard working twin fiend, you know the one that actually has to do all the work and pay for the dope? A huge look of disappointment spreads from the top to bottom of her selfish face, as she dropped her hand, experiencing that same bummed out feeling, exclaiming, “Ohhhhhhhhh!,” a look of self pity that slowly spread all over her face and body even, then at last retreated back to her cave inside the hollow places inside my soul she dug 2 make a home for herself, living the life met for me, only unlike me she got high for free because she leeched (still does) off yours truly.
Ok, so day 2 comes, and by the way she’s walking and seeing the smug look on her face, she is feeling cocky thinking for sure her sorry fool of a twin will be consuming some righteous chemicals. She even called upon her invisible (and my) cousin twin who lives in the caves of No where under the planet Stag Nation underground. Remind me to tell you about good old cousin Fiend and his planet he resides, Stag Nation sometime. Anyway, Tolerance bids him to work his black magic, triggering the mental torturous state in yours truly, that of Fiend mode, hence his name invisible cousin Fiend. As with Tolerance, there is no way to keep Fiend out. He just waltzes right in any time he pleases, just to make life miserable for me. Also, his vanity and ego cannot deal with rejection. He can’t STAND it, so he goes on a crusade, bent on doing everything he can to convince me to get loaded during abstinent periods and he often times, he wins, but not always. Day 2, no dope. Tolerance looks annoyed and frustrated, when yet again…..no chemicals. “OOOOoooooooh!,” she says, completely immersed in her own self pity as she goes back to her cave somewhere within the hollows of my soul.
Finally, the look on her face after 1 week, 2 weeks +, her facial expressions of disbelief, frustration, self pity, and realization are seen. Reluctantly, she accepts the fact that her hopeless Fiend twin sister, yours truly, got one over on her that time. Tolerance has no choice, but to hibernate and wait, because not even she can know when the next chemicals will be coming through, therefore no way for her to steal 97%-100% of the next batch. Whispered grumbling was muttered under her breath, “How dare my twin TJ do this to ME!,” then my favorite tone of resignation uttered out of her mouth, “Ooohhhhhhhhh L,” as her hand dropped in resignation. She retreated to her cave where she hibernates and sleeps, one ear open and semi awake, the other in a sort of twilight sleep. The more time that goes by, the lower her guard is dropped. And in my 25 yr using career, (intermittent binges with abstinent periods,) keep her guessing because planned or unplanned, even I never really know when I’ll actually practice being the ultimate chem. ho. These are the ONLY real times I’ve had any satisfaction beating her at her own game.
Three months later:
Dear invisible twin Tolerance, ha ha, I got some IV meth and I got to shoot it! I got the high, ALL of it, this time! It didn’t take long for her to catch on though. By day 3, she manages to arrive as I’ve already consumed ½ the high, & she managed to snag about 25% of the supply for herself. Day 4, whoops, she’s there a bit sooner, getting 10% more. By day 5, it’s a game, each opponent trying to outwit the other respectively, and ending in a tie. She got half, I got half. She still won, technically because by day 5, I had to inject .5cc in order 2 get as spun as day #1 after 3 months of no recreational chemical fun….and incredibly Day 1 after 90 day hiatus, only required .1cc to get spun, over done, & come completely undone. So, by day six, I take my final and last fix from the teenager in my bag, marveling at how slick, cunning, and fast is my opponent. Day 1 fucked me up good, got me too spun merely shooting a whooping .1cc. By day 6, I shoot .6 for final fix on this “Crystal Meth-Amphetamine” vacation. 90 days off, buy a teener and we’re on! (for 6 days that is.) One day to recover from the ass kicking adrenaline spent frenzy makes up day 7, then day 8, back to work & don’t be late. It’s goodbye sister Crystal the Pistal, until the next time, next vacation 90-120 days later.
My respective opponent and I in a perverse sort of way actually enjoying the “who can out wit and out run the other twin” game. It’s never for long, because trust me, even after 27 months clean, it took 30 days, but my invisible twin Tolerance once again took the crown right away from me, designating Yours Truly, The (Crystal) Princess, and SHE the self designated and coroneted QUEEN of all Excess, Duress, and Intoxicated Highness.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kupidandtheprincess/?yguid=278919830
Note from author: If anyone does wish to check out either website, you must say ur from BL or I won't allow access. They are closed websites that must ask to be admitted into group due to adult themes. (No minors please) This is to keep out whiners and hell bent "Just Say No Crusaiders" from creating problems 4 me. I allow chemical tolerant and/or enthusiasts only. Please note if you are offended by drugs/intoxication/addiction in general, these sites & reading material are NOT 4U.
http://http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MethSlammers/http://http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MethSlammers/
My Invisible Twin Tolerance and I
By Her Royal Highness TJ, The Crystal Princess
Whenever myself or anyone else complains of or mentions their tolerance to a specific drug, I get a mental picture of say a bunch of meth slammin fiends sitting around slammin and another group of fiends popping pills, snorting, all groups taking chems in all methods of administration. The only problem is that all of us have an invisible twin self whose name is Tolerance. Now every time we slam dope or pop, snort, or drink chemicals our invisible twin Tolerance reaches over and grabs 75% of the high for himself/herself and there is nothing we can do about it because he/she is a ghost, but there nonetheless. Someone with a very high tolerance slamming a lot of meth gets frustrated and disappointed because Tolerance reached out, grabbed 97% of the high for herself (or himself) and left only 3% for the user.
And every time the user uses, a big smile comes over his or her invisible twin Tolerance's face as he/she says "Thank you!" and enjoys the fuck out of an ass kicking buzz. All the while the user is pissed and/or frustrated, but unfortunately cannot prevent the ghost twin from taking the buzz. Some days the only thing that gets high is someone's twin Tolerance who is so greedy and doesn't give a fuck about the user. Instead he/she selfishly takes all or most of the buzz with a big elated expression on his/her face, higher than a kite and says, "Thank you!"
I can’t count the times I’ve plead poverty to my invisible twin Tolerance. “C’mon man PLEASE don’t take the entire buzz! I have no more money, and if you take it all, I’m going to feel like 50 million flavors of crap city, so PLEASE dear twin for once in your life, show a little pity?!,” spoken as both a plea and command simultaneously with equal intensity, but do you think even once she cared? HELL NO! Same old tired bullshit. One day, some 20 odd years ago, I had only 3 pain pills left, no money, no way to get more pills for another week, PLUS I had severe physical pain, a migraine from hell. In order for me to both make the pain cease and desist and/or get high would have required at least 6 pills at once on an empty stomach because my invisible twin Tolerance gets her share first, no matter what. No matter how hard I’ve tried to beat her to it, she ALWAYS wins, time and time again.
The only time and the only way I’ve been able to get to my rightful hard earned high first is by practicing the word that most addicts dread, abstinence, ha ha. I remember the slight consolation I felt the first time I saw my invisible twin, who learned quickly to get to the drugs way b4 me every day, during my worst binge periods as a daily user. Years later, I managed voluntary abstinent vacations of 90 days off/then one week on/repeat. This went on for 2 years. The 1st time & the first day with no drugs, there she was, standing with her transparent hand stretched out, waiting patiently. Eventually after 24 hrs, it dawned on her that, whoops, sorry folks, no drugs today to steal from her hard working twin fiend, you know the one that actually has to do all the work and pay for the dope? A huge look of disappointment spreads from the top to bottom of her selfish face, as she dropped her hand, experiencing that same bummed out feeling, exclaiming, “Ohhhhhhhhh!,” a look of self pity that slowly spread all over her face and body even, then at last retreated back to her cave inside the hollow places inside my soul she dug 2 make a home for herself, living the life met for me, only unlike me she got high for free because she leeched (still does) off yours truly.
Ok, so day 2 comes, and by the way she’s walking and seeing the smug look on her face, she is feeling cocky thinking for sure her sorry fool of a twin will be consuming some righteous chemicals. She even called upon her invisible (and my) cousin twin who lives in the caves of No where under the planet Stag Nation underground. Remind me to tell you about good old cousin Fiend and his planet he resides, Stag Nation sometime. Anyway, Tolerance bids him to work his black magic, triggering the mental torturous state in yours truly, that of Fiend mode, hence his name invisible cousin Fiend. As with Tolerance, there is no way to keep Fiend out. He just waltzes right in any time he pleases, just to make life miserable for me. Also, his vanity and ego cannot deal with rejection. He can’t STAND it, so he goes on a crusade, bent on doing everything he can to convince me to get loaded during abstinent periods and he often times, he wins, but not always. Day 2, no dope. Tolerance looks annoyed and frustrated, when yet again…..no chemicals. “OOOOoooooooh!,” she says, completely immersed in her own self pity as she goes back to her cave somewhere within the hollows of my soul.
Finally, the look on her face after 1 week, 2 weeks +, her facial expressions of disbelief, frustration, self pity, and realization are seen. Reluctantly, she accepts the fact that her hopeless Fiend twin sister, yours truly, got one over on her that time. Tolerance has no choice, but to hibernate and wait, because not even she can know when the next chemicals will be coming through, therefore no way for her to steal 97%-100% of the next batch. Whispered grumbling was muttered under her breath, “How dare my twin TJ do this to ME!,” then my favorite tone of resignation uttered out of her mouth, “Ooohhhhhhhhh L,” as her hand dropped in resignation. She retreated to her cave where she hibernates and sleeps, one ear open and semi awake, the other in a sort of twilight sleep. The more time that goes by, the lower her guard is dropped. And in my 25 yr using career, (intermittent binges with abstinent periods,) keep her guessing because planned or unplanned, even I never really know when I’ll actually practice being the ultimate chem. ho. These are the ONLY real times I’ve had any satisfaction beating her at her own game.
Three months later:
Dear invisible twin Tolerance, ha ha, I got some IV meth and I got to shoot it! I got the high, ALL of it, this time! It didn’t take long for her to catch on though. By day 3, she manages to arrive as I’ve already consumed ½ the high, & she managed to snag about 25% of the supply for herself. Day 4, whoops, she’s there a bit sooner, getting 10% more. By day 5, it’s a game, each opponent trying to outwit the other respectively, and ending in a tie. She got half, I got half. She still won, technically because by day 5, I had to inject .5cc in order 2 get as spun as day #1 after 3 months of no recreational chemical fun….and incredibly Day 1 after 90 day hiatus, only required .1cc to get spun, over done, & come completely undone. So, by day six, I take my final and last fix from the teenager in my bag, marveling at how slick, cunning, and fast is my opponent. Day 1 fucked me up good, got me too spun merely shooting a whooping .1cc. By day 6, I shoot .6 for final fix on this “Crystal Meth-Amphetamine” vacation. 90 days off, buy a teener and we’re on! (for 6 days that is.) One day to recover from the ass kicking adrenaline spent frenzy makes up day 7, then day 8, back to work & don’t be late. It’s goodbye sister Crystal the Pistal, until the next time, next vacation 90-120 days later.
My respective opponent and I in a perverse sort of way actually enjoying the “who can out wit and out run the other twin” game. It’s never for long, because trust me, even after 27 months clean, it took 30 days, but my invisible twin Tolerance once again took the crown right away from me, designating Yours Truly, The (Crystal) Princess, and SHE the self designated and coroneted QUEEN of all Excess, Duress, and Intoxicated Highness.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kupidandtheprincess/?yguid=278919830
Note from author: If anyone does wish to check out either website, you must say ur from BL or I won't allow access. They are closed websites that must ask to be admitted into group due to adult themes. (No minors please) This is to keep out whiners and hell bent "Just Say No Crusaiders" from creating problems 4 me. I allow chemical tolerant and/or enthusiasts only. Please note if you are offended by drugs/intoxication/addiction in general, these sites & reading material are NOT 4U.
http://http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MethSlammers/http://http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MethSlammers/
