My take on the world

[WILDSTRAWBERRIES]

I think about killing myself sometimes.

Not because I'm sad, or depressed. But because I think my existence is worthless, or worse than worthless; damaging even. I have many friends and family around me who care deeply about me. My death would not doubt disrupt their lives and in some cases scar them emotionally for life. Of course the chances of me actually committing suicide are slim, mostly because I'm selfish. Ironically, this is why I think about ending my own life.

Does anyone else think humans are selfish creatures? We try so hard to protect the world and its inhabitants, like we're its savior. We're so concerned about what gender we are or aren't. About what animal is on the brink of extinction. How much pollution we're creating.
At some point, long from now, humans will die out, all life on Earth will die out. Our star will fizzle and the Earth will cease to exist. But time... the universe will continue to exist... Without us.

I go through my daily life with this is mind. I've come to realize, that there are people worth living for and those that aren't. So many people are insecure or emotionally immature, even adults - (professionally) successful ones.

I wonder if anyone else has stepped back to look at the bigger picture, seeing the forest for the trees.

If for some reason I die tomorrow, I'm content with that.

 

[-=SS=-]

I feel the same way sometimes, usually on a particularly dull working day.. thankfully I have a nice view out of the window (which doesn't open) to the green landscape outside.

It's a mad house. It really is. No one knows what is really going, who we really are, or where we come from/go to at death. People just trying to function the best they can, some doing better than others. I find life to be a very lonely place, being surrounded by people who don't understand things on the level you're describing here, or have any inclination to want to understand it.. everyone just wants to get drunk, drugged up, sexed up in poor relationships, buy stuff, and otherwise do whatever they can to avoid answering the big questions.

The fact you hold the awareness of this perspective means that, whilst life may be more of an inner struggle for you, you are one of the people who should stick around. The world only advances when we have people like you around, bringing much needed light into an otherwise dark room.

 

[Mizora]

love

 

[WILDSTRAWBERRIES]

...or have any inclination to want to understand it..

I envy these people. The people who have drive and motivation to succeed in their life goals, while I'm content with just existing.

Being content with your current position, in a relationship, in a workplace or career causes it to become stagnant. I'm like a deer in headlights.

 

[Foreigner]

I have those feelings too, regularly. For me the struggle is to try my hardest not to grasp at stories or external strategies to try and make it better. I spent a big chunk of my life doing that and it led to disaster. It feels so good to give it all up, internally. It doesn't mean I don't try to make a life for myself, but knowing that in the grand scheme what I do has no significant impact one way or another is such a relief. It means that I can really choose any avenue that feels right to me, or choose none.

My inner inquiry on what my underlying presence is has led me to strongly believe that we are born from a pure source. Call it love. We are born as love with no other inclination but to see and recognize love, to be ourselves. Then the stories and traumas start. Take shame for example (my favourite)... at some point a person may tell themselves that in order to love is to experience shame, but on a much deeper level, because the person *is* love, they learn that it's not safe to be love in the world and so the real-self closes in on itself. Of course, they learn this incorrect story from other people who are lost, maybe their parents or someone else.

Then people spend their entire lives subconsciously trying to find their real original self again by doing outward shit like looking for love in partners, jobs, careers, etc. It's a scramble to feel real again. They may even get all "spiritual" and tell themselves they have found divine oneness and love, when really they are just further abdicating this original self that just wants to be what it came here to be.

I think to admit to yourself that nothing makes it better takes a lot of courage because it means you are getting close to the truth of who you really are. That you feel loneliness, or isolation, or pointlessness, or just pain in general, and are willing to sit with it rather than grasp at something is, is pointing you to the real self that sealed up the moment it experienced the first hardships of life and said, "Oh shit, what have I done by coming/being here?"

Underneath that pain is potential bliss.

 

[mr peabody]

May I humbly offer you a few suggestions?

I used to believe that keeping up with world affairs was a good thing, until I realized it was poisoning me emotionally. So a year ago I just quit, and I haven't seen/heard the news or read a newspaper since. I cannot tell you the difference that's made in my life. It took some getting used to, but man, it's wonderful.

I recently realized after a lifetime of struggling to support my family (I don't have to do it anymore), that the real challenge is how we feel when we do nothing. I've had to get used to it. I'm someone who's spent the last 50 years having to do this or that, and it's a shock when you reach a point where you can stop flogging yourself. But it's the best thing that can happen to you because it forces you to just BE, instead of this constant all-the-time obsessive-compulsive fixation to DO. We are never taught to do nothing, and that can be very therapeutic, believe me.

Finally, smoking weed is a seriously bad thing for a lot of people. It absolutely wrecked my life. So I walked away from it over 40 years ago and never looked back. Best thing I ever did.

If you put these things to work for you, you're a lot more likely to be able to achieve that "zero state" (as in back to zero), which is so vital to your being able to move on.

There are some very important reasons why you're here, and you're needed here.

Best wishes now and always.

 

[Yourbaker]

There are many good pieces of advice here, the one I would add is this. When you can't see a reason to live try a fearless approach to the part of your life that you feel is the cause. We understand the fight or flight reaction when faced with physical challenges, understand it is also the last recourse when life seems to suck.

Above all though, imagine everything you've been told is doubtful and the only real truth is what you have experienced. It takes a while to unlearn all the silly things this world and it's inhabitants hold true. If you can find your path through the chaos being tossed at you, it can make life well worth living and people to experience it with the most valuable thing on earth.

Certainly living life with fearless abandon (not foolish or reckless) is one great option vs checking out.

For me, it is my long term use of marijuana that has allowed me to find my life and live it at its best. But that's for me, perhaps for you perhaps not. Try to find your own rules to live by they will be the ones you can see and make sense to you. I have a few and they are just for me.

Choosing life is easy when you live it and experience it in the here and now. Looking back at failures and mistakes or pinning for the future will depress anyone eventually, live now and live the piss out of life it's really an awe filled experience. When and if yours isn't awe filled you may be doing it wrong.