TDS My struggle

[xxxbrokenskyxxx]

Heyya,
Im new here, im 17. I've been trying to kick my prescription pill addiction for 4 years. I've been in and out of rehabs, therapy, drug groups, drug counseling, 12 step groups, detox, inpatient, inpatient detox etc. Yet i still cant quit, i suffer from alot of anxiety, depression and what doctors seem to think is aspbergers (a form of autism)

8 Months ago or so, i almost died, my bestfriend gave me some "coke" to snort, and i did, he did too, he was fine, but, i wasn't. The same night i ingested massive amounts of phenibut, (a gaba antagonist? ) anyways, it turned out that the coke was "bath salts". I was awake for 7 days straight, went to the hospital, they released me the same day saying i had no drugs in my system, which i know i did, thats why they think bath salts.

Next day, i started hallucinating from being awake so much, scary religious hallucinations, my parents tried to drive me to the ER, and 4 or 5 times i tried to jump out of the car during, so they had to call an ambulance. Rode that to a hospital, they injected me with nalaxone, (narcon) in case i opiate OD'd, and haldol and ativan. Same day they transported me to another hospital, via ambulance, to try to admit me to like a inpatient detox, both injected me with more haldol.

While hallucinating heavily, and puking for days, after this haldol was injected into me, i went into like shock, i had multiple seizures, and a dystonia reaction, it was so painful and scary. So they moved me to another hospital in the same day.

3 hospitals in one day, they finally admitted me into the Behavioral ICU unit of a psych inpatient, and gave me mass amounts of antipsychotics, i was there for 7+ days, going crazy, and still no aware of what was going on, they finally gave me large amounts of ativan , and i was able to be released on christmas day.

Since then i still suffer from paranoia, anxiety, insomnia etc from that. And i have gained literally 50 pounds in a very short time from the medications i must take. Im still suffering from a prescription pill addiction, even though i've seperated my self from all drug users, and have tried to get help 20+ times.

Thanks for listening

I know i already posted this in the new member intro's section but i think it is appropriate here as well

 

[herbavore]

If anything is appropriate here, your story is! That sounds like a nightmare that you keep trying to wake up from but cannot. I am truly sorry for your ordeal. It sounds like you have multiple issues from drug addiction and abuse to (possible) Asbergers to emotionally extreme states. That is a lot to shoulder at any age but at 17 it is almost unthinkable.

What are the opiates giving you right now that you feel you cannot do without? If you can separate that out from everything else maybe it would give you a starting point to know why none of the traditional methods that help people quit have worked for you. Is it oblivion? Reward? Ability to function? My line of reasoning is that you may feel so overwhelmed by everything else going on that you simply cannot imagine quitting because this is the only familiar feeling of safety that you know. Unfortunately (and I know you already know this intellectually) it is a false sense of safety if ever there were one!

What do you think about the Asbergers diagnosis yourself? Have you researched it at all? There are multiple threads on Bluelight that deal with this subject and you can use the search function to find them. Maybe talking with others that have this diagnosis will help you to unravel that.

After all the overdose and ensuing drug "therapies" you were subjected to, it is no wonder that you are still feeling paranoia, anxiety and insomnia. Did you say that anxiety and depression have always been issues even before drug use?