I'm trying, I agree, people need to read the WHOLE thread! Grrrrrr....
Anyway I have, mostly only your posts and wonder if you have any idea how many lives you could be possibly saving with your post\blog whatever hahahahayou are a trooper and don't you listen to negative Neds you owe NOBODY but YOURSELF accountability. We don't know anything about your husband. Mine is amazing too but I'm not ready to come clean to him either.
PS. I just counted out an actual taper because of your posts ( mostly because we are almost the same)
Big hug!
First of all, please do not demean anybody's suggestions around here. Everyone on this board tries to help. Just because you do not like the suggestion does not mean you should try to negate it by calling other's "negative" or anything like that. The only "suggestion" we tend to not tolerate is suggesting that somebody use more or different drugs to deal with their issue. The large majority of people (including professionals) agree that one of the first efforts to successfully enter recover begins with getting honest with self and others. We need to become accountable and understand that we have a disease and that disease must be managed. By keeping things a secret, you keep it locked in personal shame. No addict is happy or proud of having an addiction.
Hate to say this, but both probably have an idea that something is up. Its great you guys have amazing husbands, just think of how much they can help you if they know exactly what is going on.
Remember, addiction is a very serious matter that kills and it should be treated as such. If you had cancer or diabetes would you hide it from a spouse? Likely not, the same should go with addiction. Addiction thrives on guilt and shame and keeping something hidden tends to reinforce that guilt and shame.
Part of addiction is denial, part of addiction is lying, its not just the using of drugs but of the entire package. Addiction is a thinking disease/disorder that drug use is just a symptom of. It often has some very extreme behavioral effects and effects an entire family system. 99.9 percent of the time, it is better for the person struggling to reveal their issues rather then to get caught. And most people will get caught eventually.
I used to get caught all the time, I also used to think to myself "I can never tell anybody about my problem." Guess what, everybody knew. Why? Because I was fucked up all the time.
For many, including myself, treating addiction requires a tremendous amount of outside support. That can be achieved in many ways, but I'd bet that each and every single form of it would encourage opening up to the family. Will it be uncomfortable at first? Sure, but its much better then completely devastating an entire family which is very possible if one is caught or even worse jailed or dead. I see it happen constantly.
Iamtrying - I am sorry to here what happened to your daughter. Something happened to my sister and also my ex which I'd imagine is very similar. Just to put it into perspective, I'd imagine the last thing your daughter wants or needs is for you to use over that pain.
Pain is a huge motivator for change and addiction tends to prevent us from being able to move on. I have had two deaths, a mom having a mini stroke and a rough breakup since I got clean and I can tell you I processed them much quicker then I did when I was using. When I used I obsessed over both personal tragedy/trauma and trauma that happened to loved ones.
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We've lived in our house for almost 25 years and sometimes I think a fire will be the only way it gets cleaned out (no basement but an attic full of no doubt useless crap.) 
