My sadness and my frustration with the longing for an opiate.

[willy420wonka]

So I want to keep the "long story" short, I was addicted to oxycontin and on the verge of cocaine addiction when both were put to a stop. I still smoke pot everyday of course, no slowing down there. I'm just wanting to express in a sense how I've been feeling, I haven't had oxycontin since the end of this past February and relapsed once on T3's about a month and a half ago, relapsed on cocaine twice in the past 3 months(I DO NOT like cocaine as much as I do opiates not even close) and have been doing okay for the past week and a bit but I've been ever longing for that bliss I used to feel. I think about the feeling of oxy every day and it's so frustrating that I can't use, I know it's for the best, I just miss it so so much and I am FAR to young to be having these dilemma's and addictions in my life. Nothing will compare to what that opiate and all opiates for that matter could deliver to me. I guess I'm just having a real hard time in my day to day life being happy and content without the use of some substance..I mean in all honesty I haven't been NOT under the influence of some substance be it alcohol, tobacco or crack for that matter for more then a week since maybe grade 7... Of course I wouldn't be doing those substances day after day but I'm just stating the fact that I don't really like being in my sober mind set for long periods of time. I have been trying to think why I feel that I NEED something anything to be consumed recreationally to allow me to be at peace with my self. I don't know. I just know that this is very confusing for who ever if anyone reads this but I just really wanted to blabber about how much I miss opiates and how hard it is and will always be to be happy and sober well happy and not doing opiates or cocaine/amphetamines. UGGHH I know this is so pointless and confusing but I'm starting this anyways to hear from others and maybe allow others to vent there feelings here. I hope for the best in the future..

Take care,


Luke

 

[animalpee]

I'm young too, and feel exactly the same way as you do, I can't be happy or even content with myself if I don't get opioids every day. I've been thinking lately that I might be depressed or have a chemical imbalance maybe. I know its an unfortunate reality that we can't even be happy on our own, but you're not alone. I hope you do figure things out though, for your own sake. Good luck. Also, I've been considering seeing a psychiatrist, or at least a counselor, maybe that would do you some good too.

Btw this will probably get moved to "The Dark Side" just so you know

 

[phsycra]

Your not alone I live in the UK. My day goes like this. Wake up for work pop 90mgs of dihydrocodeine with a coffee then 20mgs of ritalin b4 I leave for work then Xanax when the ritalin starts to ware off then more dhc then at lunch pop 600mgs of gabapentin then Xanax throughout the day along with more dhc then get back from work and start with the Valium till bed then repeat the next day. I've been to the doctor for depression but after 8 different anti deppresents I gave up on the doctor and hope its just a phase in my life I'm going through and will grow out of it one day. But at the minute this stuff is like my oxygen

 

[nAON]

bdd -> TDS

 

[Hrubenstein]

I never felt like I could feel "normal" without drugs. I needed drugs to be a "normal" functioning member of society(or so I thought). In order to be able to live sober I needed to find out why I needed to medicate myself in order to go on with life. For me it was that I really didn't like myself, I fucking hated myself because of my weight and my sexuality issues. Those issues still bother me today and it took time and work and in fact Im still working on those issues but I feel a lot better about myself going forward.

 

[beengerman]

i know its not what anyone wants to hear but you only get more "frustrated and sadder" the further you swim into this lake. do your best to attempt to stat making changes.yet i know nothing that is more challenging.

 

[Ms.Martini]

i know what you're talking about. it's depressing. opiates just feel too damn good to forget, and on top of that, i can't stand being sober. at all. i have a prescription to dexedrine for school, absolutely HATE it recreationally, but when i'm out of weed, i take a high dose, just so i don't have to be sober. when i'd go long periods without using, i'd be fiending the whole time. it was so depressing i decided to use occasionally, once every 2-3 weeks, now i just fiend for the next time i use. not saying you should use occasionally, i feel the feelings subdue the longer you've been clean for and soon, you'll be thinking about opiates a lot less.