So im 19. Just had a recent binge for about a month of a half with heroin/china white insufflated, everyday, atleast 45 days in a row. Been trying to quit it, its like my 4th day without which is cool however i'm not doing it the right way, and i'm still experiencing all the issues. In this month/Month and a half i've lost slightly over 30 pounds without exercising, (weight i had prior gained years ago from obtaining epilepsy from a bath salts overdose) anyways went from 210 - 178 Real quick, and the thing is, im 4 days clean of H, and haven't left my house or done any exercise, walking etc, and i keep seeing small drops in my weight. I also still can't eat. Over this H binge period, i developed a thing were i basically would only eat once every like 3 or so days, one bad unhealthy meal, then not eat all the other days, because the hunger didn't phase me at all , and the laziness to cook bothered me, i don't have the drive to do anything in live etc.
Anyways, i quit the H 4 days ago, yet still can't eat, i keep trying to make meals, trying my hardest, even when i do try to eat them i can only eat a few bites, i'm not sure if ill ever get back to a normal person. Even extremely appetizing food to me like fast food like ill lose interest half way through eating it and give up. It's kinda bothering me. Also experiencing typical Withdrawals symptoms, puking, shitting, all that, extreme chills, etc. Doesn't help that my house is cold as fuck and the thermostat is broke.
The worst part is the way i tried to quit H was picked up an old habit, mixing tramadol and Fioricet, these past 4 days i been taking 300-400mg tramadol with 6-8 fioricet (barbiturates) and even sometimes xanax at nightime, in order to try to get some sleep, obviously no matter what i do can't sleep . It's good that i stopped the H however picking up the other habit is gonna most likely make me homeless alot more quicker if you catch my drift. As well as getting a decent job with barbiturates in your drug test is probably gonna be alot harder than H if H only lasts a few days in tests , and barbs stay long as fuck... Mentally i get addicted as fuck to certain things, that others wouldn't such as tramadol, or fioricet. Nothing that has no Rec. pot at all however, still.
As a younger teen, under 18 i'd been to all sorts of treatment psychs, therapists, (for underlying causes) , drug groups, NA, drug counselor who tested me, court for drug charges at school/expelled, inpatient mental ward for drug psychosis, similar things. As i'd been caught stealing RX's over 20+ times, (im a fucked up person) in my life, suprised im not in jail or homeless yet, but family is family. The only thing i haven't done is intensive rehab or inpatient rehab however my family told me straight up when i asked for it, that they think i don't have a drug addiction just an addictive personality of some shit like that...
Regardless, i don't know what to do anymore. In my stint with H, i spent over 1k of my college loan real quick (all of it for the semester, although i dont need it atm ill have to pay it back), sold all my electronics, got my ps4 stolen (the one electronic i wanted to keep), got fucked over by tons of "friends" , as well as a girl. I've never had a job, don't drive, only thing semi-productive i've done with my life at all is gone to community college so far, as well as have a few computer related certifications but my brain is rather fucked so far, don't remember most of that stuff. What's my best course of action? Is there anything i can do? i've just been waiting around in life for the past 2-3 years getting high in order to avoid the future cause overwhelming anxiety i can't cope with.
EDIT: also since i permanently developed epilepsy, from a drug OD in the past i have to take topamax 100mg in morning, 100mg at night, as well as high blood pressure medicine(amlodipine 10mg), I feel like the topamax is ruining my memory, i've already had two seperate issues at the docs with my epilepsy meds, one was in my blood way too high ammonia levels (can cause crazy bad issues, like psychosis, and idk other things, maybe death?) , and then a few months later after switching from a depakote/topamax combo, to a just a large topamax dose no depakote, i learned i was devoloping metabolic acidosis in my blood, i feel like im steadily gonna die one way or another, like these medicines are supposed to keep me from dying (seizures) , but i feel like i'd be better just not taking them, then again my cousin just died from epilepsy when weaning off his meds...
Anyways, i quit the H 4 days ago, yet still can't eat, i keep trying to make meals, trying my hardest, even when i do try to eat them i can only eat a few bites, i'm not sure if ill ever get back to a normal person. Even extremely appetizing food to me like fast food like ill lose interest half way through eating it and give up. It's kinda bothering me. Also experiencing typical Withdrawals symptoms, puking, shitting, all that, extreme chills, etc. Doesn't help that my house is cold as fuck and the thermostat is broke.
The worst part is the way i tried to quit H was picked up an old habit, mixing tramadol and Fioricet, these past 4 days i been taking 300-400mg tramadol with 6-8 fioricet (barbiturates) and even sometimes xanax at nightime, in order to try to get some sleep, obviously no matter what i do can't sleep . It's good that i stopped the H however picking up the other habit is gonna most likely make me homeless alot more quicker if you catch my drift. As well as getting a decent job with barbiturates in your drug test is probably gonna be alot harder than H if H only lasts a few days in tests , and barbs stay long as fuck... Mentally i get addicted as fuck to certain things, that others wouldn't such as tramadol, or fioricet. Nothing that has no Rec. pot at all however, still.
As a younger teen, under 18 i'd been to all sorts of treatment psychs, therapists, (for underlying causes) , drug groups, NA, drug counselor who tested me, court for drug charges at school/expelled, inpatient mental ward for drug psychosis, similar things. As i'd been caught stealing RX's over 20+ times, (im a fucked up person) in my life, suprised im not in jail or homeless yet, but family is family. The only thing i haven't done is intensive rehab or inpatient rehab however my family told me straight up when i asked for it, that they think i don't have a drug addiction just an addictive personality of some shit like that...
Regardless, i don't know what to do anymore. In my stint with H, i spent over 1k of my college loan real quick (all of it for the semester, although i dont need it atm ill have to pay it back), sold all my electronics, got my ps4 stolen (the one electronic i wanted to keep), got fucked over by tons of "friends" , as well as a girl. I've never had a job, don't drive, only thing semi-productive i've done with my life at all is gone to community college so far, as well as have a few computer related certifications but my brain is rather fucked so far, don't remember most of that stuff. What's my best course of action? Is there anything i can do? i've just been waiting around in life for the past 2-3 years getting high in order to avoid the future cause overwhelming anxiety i can't cope with.
EDIT: also since i permanently developed epilepsy, from a drug OD in the past i have to take topamax 100mg in morning, 100mg at night, as well as high blood pressure medicine(amlodipine 10mg), I feel like the topamax is ruining my memory, i've already had two seperate issues at the docs with my epilepsy meds, one was in my blood way too high ammonia levels (can cause crazy bad issues, like psychosis, and idk other things, maybe death?) , and then a few months later after switching from a depakote/topamax combo, to a just a large topamax dose no depakote, i learned i was devoloping metabolic acidosis in my blood, i feel like im steadily gonna die one way or another, like these medicines are supposed to keep me from dying (seizures) , but i feel like i'd be better just not taking them, then again my cousin just died from epilepsy when weaning off his meds...
Last edited:
