My recent thoughts

[mribas]

I don't want to play the semantics game of whether or not I'm an alcoholic. Definitions only serve to categorize in this particular sense, and I think it's a personal issue of whether or not there are negative effects that constitute a change.

I think I'm there.

If I was to use a category term though, I would say functioning alcoholic, as that probably best describes what I am. I drink daily, but only after work and when all household duties are taken care of. I'll pour a drink, grab the guitar, and it's usually about 7 or 8 drinks and a new song later, that I realize "whoa, I'm drunk." I am usually not playing music at that point, it's more of fumbling with the strings. this is just about every day.

I travel for my job, a lot. It's standard routine that after a work day, I'll hit up the closest bar to my hotel, pop open the laptop and pound beers all night while typing away. Again, it's about 7-10 drinks later that I realize typing simple sentences is too hard. This is also every night on the road.

Weekends with friends. I would say my bar tab is usually the highest of all friends. And I detest drinking water after I've had my first drink. Once I taste the beer, that's all it's going to be. I'll even time my drinks to make sure I'll get one right at last call; or I'll just order multiple to make sure I'm stocked until it's time to leave.

All of these are clear signs of a problem, I know. the scariest part for me though, came when I realized it and thought to myself "well ok, I'll just quit."

that was about oh... a month ago. I've failed every time. Seems very easy in the mornings. "Ugh, I feel shitty. tonight's different."

tonight won't be different. 7pm will roll around, and I'll probably justify the first drink somehow. "Eh, today we'll just do one then I'll go take a shower so I can't drink a second."

One always becomes two becomes four becomes an empty bottle. And then tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work. I'm a biochemist. My friends and family would never suspect that a biochemist was a closet alcoholic.

Not sure where to start really. I'm an atheist so I'm completely turned off by AA. I know there are secular groups. Do I just show up?

I feel like if I don't get a grip on this now, there may not be any going back. My mentality seems right at this time...I want to quit.

 

[twistedhunter]

im 3 months sober from long addiction to weed and various pills "xanax , adderall" and other drugs. ive been trying for a couple years and have always gone back. trying to stay sober this time. been craving like crazy lately but fighting the demon as i call that inner addict in me that says fuck it and just use all the time. the way u describe your drinking, you sound like a alcohlic. it will only get worse as the disease progresses. it sounds like u have to realize if quitting is what u want and what you are willing to do to quit. you can message me if u would like.

 

[GenericName12]

I don't want to play the semantics game of whether or not I'm an alcoholic. Definitions only serve to categorize in this particular sense, and I think it's a personal issue of whether or not there are negative effects that constitute a change.

I think I'm there.

If I was to use a category term though, I would say functioning alcoholic, as that probably best describes what I am. I drink daily, but only after work and when all household duties are taken care of. I'll pour a drink, grab the guitar, and it's usually about 7 or 8 drinks and a new song later, that I realize "whoa, I'm drunk." I am usually not playing music at that point, it's more of fumbling with the strings. this is just about every day.

I travel for my job, a lot. It's standard routine that after a work day, I'll hit up the closest bar to my hotel, pop open the laptop and pound beers all night while typing away. Again, it's about 7-10 drinks later that I realize typing simple sentences is too hard. This is also every night on the road.

Weekends with friends. I would say my bar tab is usually the highest of all friends. And I detest drinking water after I've had my first drink. Once I taste the beer, that's all it's going to be. I'll even time my drinks to make sure I'll get one right at last call; or I'll just order multiple to make sure I'm stocked until it's time to leave.

All of these are clear signs of a problem, I know. the scariest part for me though, came when I realized it and thought to myself "well ok, I'll just quit."

that was about oh... a month ago. I've failed every time. Seems very easy in the mornings. "Ugh, I feel shitty. tonight's different."

tonight won't be different. 7pm will roll around, and I'll probably justify the first drink somehow. "Eh, today we'll just do one then I'll go take a shower so I can't drink a second."

One always becomes two becomes four becomes an empty bottle. And then tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work. I'm a biochemist. My friends and family would never suspect that a biochemist was a closet alcoholic.

Not sure where to start really. I'm an atheist so I'm completely turned off by AA. I know there are secular groups. Do I just show up?

I feel like if I don't get a grip on this now, there may not be any going back. My mentality seems right at this time...I want to quit.

Haha! You remind me exactly of myself 18-24 months ago (15 months sober). In many ways. My friends and family never suspected a thing. I held a respectable job. I always told myself that there was no way I was an alcoholic. How could I be an alcoholic? I could still control it (in my own twisted way). I could still hold my job. I still had my girlfriend. But oh man my life was going down the toilet and I couldn't even see it.

I heard a quote once.. Went something like.. You can control it (only have a few drinks) but you won't have fun and you will obsess over it the whole night, and the only way to have fun is to lose control.

Well, here's a newsflash. Nobody can tell you you're an alcoholic. You need to realize for myself. I remember the day I finally accepted it like it was yesterday. That being said, you have all the signs.

I too was high functioning.. But not so much near the end. Every day got worse for me and I was slipping down a slippery slope. My relationships suffered because all i wanted to do was go home and drink. My work suffered for the same reason. I'm glad I got out when I did. Every day I'm relieved that I didn't lose everything I love and have worked for in my life.