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My quitting thread

M

mewkittyblu

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2018
Messages
34
Its time to quit. Im msking this thread to keep myself accountable and also hopefully to get a little support.

Ive been on heroin a long time. Had a few years sober on methadone, never completely (no methadone) sober tho. I literally dont remember whst it feels like to be sober. Last time i was close was 4 years ago when i had tapered down to 10mg methadone. I remember feeling pretty happy, and so ALIVE...

Because thsts my issue now-i just feel dead. Like a zombie. I csnt feel snything good or bad. Things that would normally send me over the moon with happiness i npw am just like ooh, thats good. But its more like im telling myself thst yhan actually feeling it.

Im incredibly depresssed and unhappy. There are no words to express how i feel. Heroin doesnt really get mevhigh anymore-i dont remember the last time i felt that dope euphoria.

I have a pretty big habit cos $ wasnt a problem. My situation has changed a bit now tho and i need to watch what i spend.

Im doing warm turkey.

My plan is to post this, head downtown, get $30 worth, come back, get high one more time, and then let it wear off as long as i can stand it, then do a tiny amount only to take the edge off and sleep. Tmrw am again-only enough to function. I have no obligations til next thurs, so that shld help. I am not going to keep myself comfortable, im going to make sure i feel a little crappy, and im actually withdrawing.

Im going to do this til next thurdday-at that point i have an overnight trip, and ill take enough methadone to be comfortable and feel normal. When i come back friday ill go back to kicking.

Im guessing itll take me 3 weeks til i feel like i can go without any dope. Whrn i reach that poit ill throw sny dope i have left away, snd never touch it again.

I will post daily. If i dont, feel free to call me out, ask if im off getting high, ect. I doubt i will be tho.

If anyones quit this way id be interested to hear how it went for you, how long it took, ect.
 
So i copped & did some... and there is a reason forvme writing this (i know we're not supposed to glorify using in this forum)..

Im writing this to remind myself that even tho i got good dope... the feeling isnt that great. I think my receptors are messed up. Yes a lot of my anxiety is gone (love life issues, financial issues), but i honestly wouldnt say i ferl amazing. And this is GOOD stuff. When im tapering i need to come back to this post snd reread it.

-theres no euphoria. Thats the whole REASON i took h in the first place
-i feel sedated and not in a fun way
-im constantly thirsty
-it hasnt really made me feel hella good, it just took away the anxiety and dopesickness

So thats it. Im putting thr rest away and going to eat, watch a movie and let it wear off. Its only 8 so ill probly have to do a bit before i go to sleep (to be sble to sleep)but we'll see.

Tmrw will be my first day tapering-no getting high, just doing enough to function.

I want to be sober this summer. I want to feel good and be happy and feel things and have fun with my friends. I want my sex drive back (its GONE). I wsnt real happiness, not drug induced sedation while life passes me by.

Im ready to be done with this.
 
it's true when you hear people say that it never gets better, it gets worse and worse with continued using. A lot of people have lost their lives because they will get sober for a few months or so then go right back to the needle again, and sadly that shit aint dope anymore, atleast a round here it isn't.
I'm not a huge fan of the MMT program just because I was on it for so long, and like you, I had NO sex drive, at all. even looking at porn, I just felt disgusted, even boobs wouldn't get me anywhere.
It fucking sucked, I did come off of it though, spent almost 2 weeks at a hospital/psych ward, getting dosed full of phenobarbs,gabapent, clonidine and remron. The hardest thing coming off of the shit was I never felt so bad in my life, wanted to end it.

long story shot, the case worker got me into a halfway house that was mostly prison ex cons, and wasn't long before I was back shooting dope again, and once again found myself in another psych ward on different side of town, same thing got out, moved in with a gay dude, stole his pills, and back to sleeping in my card again feeling bad about what I had to do to get those pills etc.

The worst thing of this is I felt alone, I couldn't grasp the fact that I was/am and addict, and its what I do.

Just know that you never have to be alone, now days theres help everywhere, and some of the best places to get sober at are the places that don't cost money, and make you do shit like have to share a restroom with a bunch of others guys and what not.
 
Please keep us updated...i am in the process of trying to stabilize on subs but cant seem to do it...anyways good for you that you can even taper because i can never seem to do that.
 
Subs dont work for me at all... they just dont hold me. The thing is, heroin is out of your body so fast... if you can just taper a couple weeks to where youre only doing a little bit, it should theoretically be easy to stop. Its just that the longer u use the more u have fear of withdrawals and see them as this insurmountable obstacle.

Anywa y i woke up this am and did just enough to feel borderline normal. Id like to do a little more, but instead im going to go get my nails done and do some clothes shopping for my trip. I'll check in later today.
 
Its 5pm, i last did some at around 10 am. Feeling sniffly and achey and very sober. About to go get some more. Usually id cop 40, im only going to get 30. Come back, do just enough to take awsy the sniffles & get an appetite (i havent eaten) then clean any maybe do a little shopping. I wanted to go for a walk but its raining so idk ?
 
mewkittyblu said:
So i copped & did some... and there is a reason forvme writing this (i know we're not supposed to glorify using in this forum)..

Im writing this to remind myself that even tho i got good dope... the feeling isnt that great. I think my receptors are messed up. Yes a lot of my anxiety is gone (love life issues, financial issues), but i honestly wouldnt say i ferl amazing. And this is GOOD stuff. When im tapering i need to come back to this post snd reread it.

-theres no euphoria. Thats the whole REASON i took h in the first place
-i feel sedated and not in a fun way
-im constantly thirsty
-it hasnt really made me feel hella good, it just took away the anxiety and dopesickness

So thats it. Im putting thr rest away and going to eat, watch a movie and let it wear off. Its only 8 so ill probly have to do a bit before i go to sleep (to be sble to sleep)but we'll see.

Tmrw will be my first day tapering-no getting high, just doing enough to function.

I want to be sober this summer. I want to feel good and be happy and feel things and have fun with my friends. I want my sex drive back (its GONE). I wsnt real happiness, not drug induced sedation while life passes me by.

Im ready to be done with this.
Click to expand...

Indeed, the fun goes away after a while.
 
Hanging in. Spent lots of time sick yesterday, today too. Starting to feel a little bit more clearheaded. It sucks tho cos im waiting for a phone call and its not coming and its upsetting and all i want to do is numb muself with H so it wont hurt as bad that the phone isnt ringing.

At the same time tho, im really tired of being an emotionless sexless zombie, so maybe i should lay off the fucking dope.
 
my thought is that you need to lay off the dope!
it does not get real until then imho
 
Uh... thats what im doing? I'm tapering off heroin over a 3 week period. I would love to just "lay off the dope" but unfortunately theres a proccess involved.
 
I hope you are still sticking true and just try to keep in mind the pain and discomfort are truly a lie your body is telling your brain and if you can harness any joy or motivation from the pain then do that. When I came off H I went cold turkey and although I almost lost my mind it was the confidence that the pain and suffering gave me knowing I was one sick day closer to functionality without the dope. All your senses will come crashing in and your emotions will be back, so much so that it took me a year to really be able to balance them without dope masking them. Be proud as there are many who don't dare attempt what you are doing now. H is a terrible thing and is not equal to any persons true value. Stay positive and strong as I will send positivity your direction.
 
mewkittyblu said:
Uh... thats what im doing? I'm tapering off heroin over a 3 week period. I would love to just "lay off the dope" but unfortunately theres a proccess involved.
Click to expand...

The vast, vast majority of us can't taper off using heroin. I hope you're the exception to the rule.
 
MtnHi92 said:
I hope you are still sticking true and just try to keep in mind the pain and discomfort are truly a lie your body is telling your brain and if you can harness any joy or motivation from the pain then do that. When I came off H I went cold turkey and although I almost lost my mind it was the confidence that the pain and suffering gave me knowing I was one sick day closer to functionality without the dope. All your senses will come crashing in and your emotions will be back, so much so that it took me a year to really be able to balance them without dope masking them. Be proud as there are many who don't dare attempt what you are doing now. H is a terrible thing and is not equal to any persons true value. Stay positive and strong as I will send positivity your direction.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much. I must be doing something right taper wise (as in doing good at not taking too much) cos i woke up sick as a dog this morning. I almost threw up, and that doesnt usually happen to me til im well into withdrawal. I did enough to feel normal and stopped-was tempted to do more but i'm not.

I ::want:: my senses and emotions to come back, im so tired of just feeling blank and numb :(

Rio Fantastic said:
The vast, vast majority of us can't taper off using heroin. I hope you're the exception to the rule.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I still might end up getting on methadone when i get back from my trip next week. But ive been on methadone before and i know how long it takes to get out of your system, so i just want to at least try this way.
 
Still doing good. Did a bit earlier & stopped myselfeven tho i wanted to do mire. Nose is sniffly and eyes are watery and jm starting to get the dreaded pins n needles in my fert. I hated that about detoxing methadone. Id get up out of bed multiple times a night to STOMP my feet as hard as i could to get the feeling to go away. Its so annoying..

Its 10:39 pm now. Im going to do a little more, clean, and try to sleep. Its been 48 hrs now since i justdid as much as i wanted and got high. It feels like forever. Im proud of myself. I know 2 days is nothing, but for me it is, bc heroin is just what i use to deal. Im having some problems right now and it hurts. Im sad. Some numbness would be great, honestly. But i dont want to go down that empty road to nowhere anymore. I want to go down the one that has a light at the end.

Btw i dont shoot, i snort. Just fyi. Not sure itd be possible to taper iving.
 
Woke up and did a lityle bit a nd i feel nauseaus (i can never spell that). Whuuut. Like the kind when u dont do opiates regularly so it makes u sick. Whhuuuut. After only 3 days of tapering?

Hopefully its a sign my tolerance is getting lower. Still tapering, still havent let myself get high. Imagine if im one of the few ppl successful at this...
 
Did a little too much last night. Doesnt matter, back on my taper tip this morning :) i can feel s difference now.. i feel a little more oresent, a little more "here" in the real world. Im slowly remembeting what it feels like to be dober snd not have a bostload ofvopiates on board all the time.

Off on mh trip tmrw, im taking methadone pills snd i want to have a good time & not be sick so i wont be tapering thurs and fri. Plsn to start again sat.

I am cautiously optimistic this is doable.
 
The thing about quitting is the more youre sober the more you realize the damage youve done. Like.. no im not sober yet but im on way less than i used to be and its allowing me to think and now im like, why did i waste so much time being all fucked up on drugs? I couldve been doung so many better things.

Pretty sober right now and i feel kind of down. No motivation.

I HATE this.

Im goung to see ny man tmrw. The old me wouldve had the music up and wouldve been blasting our favorite songs as i pack, happy, in a good mood, looking forward to being there with him, excited, daydreaming, enjoying picking out outfits for the trip, ect. Just... happy.

Instead im just like.. i feel numb. Like im looking forward to going but its like my brain doesnt know how to get pleasure from anything.

Idk. I hope it doesnt stay like this. I just want my old self back. I want to feel. Please.
 
mewkittyblu said:
The thing about quitting is the more youre sober the more you realize the damage youve done. Like.. no im not sober yet but im on way less than i used to be and its allowing me to think and now im like, why did i waste so much time being all fucked up on drugs? I couldve been doung so many better things.

Pretty sober right now and i feel kind of down. No motivation.

I HATE this.

Im goung to see ny man tmrw. The old me wouldve had the music up and wouldve been blasting our favorite songs as i pack, happy, in a good mood, looking forward to being there with him, excited, daydreaming, enjoying picking out outfits for the trip, ect. Just... happy.

Instead im just like.. i feel numb. Like im looking forward to going but its like my brain doesnt know how to get pleasure from anything.

Idk. I hope it doesnt stay like this. I just want my old self back. I want to feel. Please.
Click to expand...

Hang in there. These are the inevitable hard parts (feeling numb, no pleasure). Tell yourself you can face difficulty. It makes a huge difference for me when I remind myself that I am capable of meeting adversity and dealing with it rather than banishing it temporarily with one of my tried and true self destructive habits.
 
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