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My problem with opioids

5

5 meo dmTed

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 20, 2011
Messages
66
Location
Canada, EH
Hey guys, 5-meO dmTed here. I'm posting this mostly cause I'm at a loss, as to what I'm doing or what to do anymore. I guess I should start by saying I've been addicted to opiates for a couple years now. Started at the ripe age of 13, a friend of mine had a wart removed from his foot and received a very large bottle of t3's (enough to fill a sandwich baggie :p) that he didn't like taking. So he gave them to me free of charge. I took almost all of them before they were stolen. Ffwd about a year or 2. 8th grade, a good friend of mine found his mom's prescription for percs. I got bad enough that I was taking close to 30 a day. Then abstained til highschool, whilst trying a slew of other drugs in between, mostly psychedelics. Then in the 11th grade I met my friends cousin, J. J would get monthly prescriptions of percocet and share usually no problem. We did em all the time, I became his best customer. He introduced me to oxycontin, and hooked me up with the guy I still get from today. It's been a year now, J and I no longer speak for good reason. But I still have this horrid lingering monkey on my back. I'm up to about 250mg oxycodone a day, and when I can't get, I melt down. I have a history of some mental illness (bi polar, ADHD and OCD among the most prevalent) and wicked social anxiety, which the oxy just happens to fix. I'm horrified of my addiction, I've done some really desperate things to get my hands on the cure to what ails me, and I don't know how to stop. I guess I just finally wanted to let my story out, keeping this in can get tiresome. I writethis as 80mg is ploughed up my nose and another 40 prepped for..other routes. Just take my advice and stay away from opiates, it's a horrendous addiction and I still can't stop.
 
Many of us know exactly how you feel. Perhaps helpless, surely frustrated.

You're young. Too young to succumb to learned helplessness that can result from such circumstances. You've got so much ahead. Cut your losses and move forward. Do whatever it takes; taper, cold turkey, rehab, etc. It won't be easy, but I promise it'll be worth it.
 
I think our "The Dark Side" forum might be an excellent place for you to check out. Lots of awesome people there, and plenty of people in the same boat as you right now.

I myself am addicted to opiates, so I can relate to your story. It's fucking hard, plain and simple. No way to live a life, that's for sure. Like anyone who has been down this path will surely tell you, I'd give anything to rewind time and stay the fuck away from opiates. But, I've made my bed, and right this second I'm lying in it sweating icicles.

I hope you find the strength to break out of the prison opiates build around your entire life. I hope I do, too.

EDIT: I wrote this post before seiko moved it, I just forgot to actually click post. Ignore the first paragraph I suppose.
 
First of all, be careful using opioids that are formulated with anti-inflamatory drugs. You say that you were taking close to 30 percocet a day at one point. That's upwards of 10,000mg of APAP. Over 4,000mg per day is considered very unhealthy and beyond that it can get potentially fatal. There are a ton of APAP threads on this site. So again, be careful abusing pills that are formulated with these anti-inflamatory drugs. I'm assuming you know this, but just to make sure...

Anyways, you should consider getting on some sort of taper. I'm guessing with the help of suboxone. I'm not super knowledgeable about suboxone but other people here definitely are. At the amount you claim to be taking it seems pretty necessary. There are many many threads on this site about tapering. And many many people going through that process right now.

Additionally, once you've tapered down it may be necessary to pursue some kind of treatment for those psych issues you mentioned. But that's something you can post about later.

Bottom line is that change is definitely possible for you. But you'll likely need to get on some sort of taper first. And that should be your primary goal at this point if you want to change your life and get out of that hole.
 
I've gotten myself into a methadone program, not the best way to go.. But, it's helping. And yes, I understand the acetaminophen did a large amount of damage. My liver ended up failing, and I had a massive scare breaking off a needle in my groin... Anyhow, I haven't touched a pill nor needle in 10 months, as of august 16th I will have been on this program and successfully stabilized and tapered down quite a bit. It took quite a push, ending up homeless, half dead, and then I met this girl. Well, long story short, she pushed me to getting the help I needed. I'm now seeing a psychiatrist regularly, I'm on more medications than I'd like to admit, but I was using to treat my undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenia. Which became quite apparent when I stopped getting high.
 
Thanks for sharing your story, I'm glad you survived the liver failure. Don't beat yourself too bad over the methadone. Do you have to stay on it for a long time and do they plan on tapering you down?
 
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