My perfect haven is tense- need to come home and scared.

[bdomihizayka]

So I have been about 6-7 months sober from heroin. I am American- from zee Dirty Jerzeee....and I am living in Simferopol (Crimea) right now. I moved to Southern Ukraine because I have been here many times before in the past, and knew it would be a very safe environment for me to live and get myself together whilst learning to be sober (aka- it's impossible to find heroin here, I tried relentlessly during my previous visits lol).

Well now, Russian troops are all over my city and things are getting very tense- it's time for me to go.

I'm kinda young I guess- 25- but have no education or work experience at all under my belt besides being a junkie/ hustler. My money is running thin and without selling some assests I'd rather not let go of, I'm going to have to start being humble and relying on my parents, who are more than happy to help me as long as I am sober, and not living within a days driving distance of Camden NJ lol. My dad wants me to get my TEFL and to start teaching English abroad, like in Moscow (I love Russia and it is my dream to live there). I want to go to college and get a degree so I have something to fall back on if say in 5 or so years down the line I decide to move back to America. I don't know if I could stay sober for 4 years until I move out of the country though- I have a hard time setting my sights on long term goals and want instant gratification- like most of us here.

I'm just in a bind and not knowing what to do. I fear being in America too long- but I know it would be wise to get an education.

I was also recently diagnosed as bipolar and am not treated. I am scared to death of pharmaceuticals after what benzos and antidepressants did to me. I am level most of the time- never really depressed, but I did recently have a hypomanic episode which scared me and forced me to face my problem rather than ignore it.

I have a couple of things going on and just wanted input from others in recovery. Get the TEFL and run, or try and find a school somewheres away from home and try and buckle down for 4 years before doing so? And what about my bipolar? I feel so defeated.... I'm invalid......and deathly scared of psych meds.

 

[herbavore]

Lots of people handle bipolar medicating only when in a very extreme state. There has been a lot of very promising new research done in the last few years about this different way of dealing with the problem. Not surprisingly, this movement developed from bipolar people themselves who were sick of living with the severe side effects of the drugs all the time for symptoms that were only a problem some of the time. You have to find a progressive psychiatrist to work with however because this is still not the norm. The other key component is letting people around you help you by reflecting when you might be starting a hypomanic episode--it can be hard to tell when you are already experiencing it. So it is a 3-pronged approach; work with a good psychiatrist that buys into this, trust the people around you to reflect back to you if they see you getting out of balance and do everything in your power to be otherwise physically healthy (eat right, good sleep, exercise and minimize stress).

You can do good ESL/TEFL courses online. Do some research to see what the best ones are. This could be a good thing to do (as well as volunteering in your community to help people learn English) while you are making up your mind about what to study in school that would be a practical skill that you could use either in the US or Russia.

I'm dying to ask your opinions and reflections on what is going on over there. I listened to a Russian bilingual person talking about the coverage in the US as well as the coverage in Russia and she said neither are painting an accurate picture of what is happening. (No surprises there!)

 

[bdomihizayka]

Herbavore- you really took a weight off my chest. I like to think I am up to date on psych news, meds, diagnosises as I was on the merry-go-round forever, but honestly never heard of simply using a med when going into hypomanic mode. So essentially it would be like taking lithium/ moodstabilizer prn like a benzo? I really need to look this up. I am finding all sorts of online TEFL courses, and now I am thinking maybe I don't have to go back to America at all- maybe I can chill with my friends in Europe whilst I do this.


Ohhh lawd- what's going on here? Crimea really is predominately Russian speaking people. Everything is in Russian down here- from traffic signs to menus in restaurants. All my friends down here Hate the EU and want to be with Russia. Economic policy in Ukraine was influenced by EU regulations a few times in the past since 2005 and have brought nothing but unemployment, unheard of levels of corruption, great factories gone bankrupt and closing, and skyrocketed prices of goods when the salaries remained unchanged. EU regulations are imposed everytime Ukraine gets an EU loan and it hits the average Ukrainian citizen hard, whilst those at the top line their pockets. The people who want to join the EU, the Eastern/ Northern Ukrainians are fantasizing about something that's not going to happen- they want change and a better life, and they want it NOW- and they are not really politically up to date, and blame the deteriorating Ukrainian lifestyle on Russia's influence.

So yea- right now in Crimea, there are thousands of troops. They won't tell me who exactly they are, but I was bullshitting with quite a few and they're obviously Russian. They are in patrols around the cities, and guarding strategic points. The reception for them down here is warm- We just had a huge outside celebration over the weekend where people were cooking and drinking and gouging the soldiers faces with food and vodka and making them feel welcome. Russian flags are up all over Crimea- there is no violence here.

Back when Crimea was given to Ukraine, there was a deal made to deal with the naval base in Sevastopol. And within that deal, was that Russia was allowed to move troops into Crimea at any time. What Russia is doing is totally within their right to do so. They see an illegally outed president in Kiev and now near anarchy (The ukrainian president was VOTED into office and international monitors validated the results of the elections) and they want to protect their military assests in Crimea.... so why the big fucking fuss? Not one person was killed or a shot fired lol- like I said, these troops are enjoying a very welcome reception from their brothers in Crimea.

Russia has almost no debt and like $500 billion of reserves as of 2013- there is a very limited taxes actually, and the country is really growing economically as opposed to what Western Media will tell you. Moscow is in fact one of if not the richest cities in the world. And believe it or not, many Russians in my experience, even younger ones, like Putin- they like his assertiveness, and I can't blame them- the guy has a scary charisma and I do feel safe living in his domain LOL. Is there rampant corruption? YES.... you see it in PLAIN SIGHT daily. Is it the perfect country? No....name one that is.... but I admire the balls of the Russian government and the pride/ loving nature of the Russian people, (along with the fact that heroin doesn't really exist in these parts LOL) - and that's why I would want to settle here.

Sorry for the long explanation lol.... I swear I'm not hypomanic at the moment- just passionate about Russia/ Ukraine.

 

[herbavore]

^LOL I hear the passion and I think it is great that you have it--you don't hear that often about those two countries. I was just traveling in South America and met a lovely Ukranian girl and her Peruvian boyfriend on a boat. I would love to talk to her about it as well.

As far as finding out about the different protocol on bi-polar drugs I will try to get some resources together for you. Icarus Project might have info.

 

[thugpassion]

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Ohhh lawd- what's going on here? Crimea really is predominately Russian speaking people. Everything is in Russian down here along with the fact that heroin doesn't really exist in these parts

Whats up with that, Iv heard (or read atleast) that russia consumes ALOT of heroin. Iv heard that most of that heroin from afghanistan is going to mother russia......."putin will teach you how to love the motherland"......PR...

 

[bdomihizayka]

herbavore- will definitely start digging in to that.. I really do appreciate the input thank you!

And yea!!- talking to others is the way to really find out what's going on without relying on the skewed governments and their media outlets.

thugpassion- I have no idea man- I have spent lots of time in Kiev, Lvov, Crimea, Moscow, Volgograd and a town a few kilos from Sochi and spent much time in clubs and in the party scene. Ecstacy, RCs, hash, and odd drugs like lyrica and some strange antidepressant they shoot up can be found easily. Heroin- no way. Not in my experience. The closest I ever got to it was being offered morphine pills one time. I am quite a desperate junky when the obsession starts and found heroin in many US cities- Philly, NYC, all over Jersey, Detroit, Atlanta, Vegas check check check.... but not here. I never even seen or heard of people using krokodil- maybe it's in the outskirts/ lower class regions of cities and small villages?? I know I'm better off not knowing lol but you will not find heroin easily here.

 

[thugpassion]

^ Interesting that theres not much ellict opiod floating around there. because its so close to turkey and other countries that produce the shit.

 

[phatass]

^^I guess it depends on partly where u hang out and who you know, also maybe the western media has made "russia's heroin problem" bigger than it actualy is, not sure....

 

[annachronism]

Expat kid here...spent my drug days teaching in Asia. Really the best thing you can do at this point is go home and recollect yourself for a bit. Get
that education and see what it's like to be a local again work a real job etc. look at it as an investment. Before you do that I'd advise really taking some time to consider and determine whether teaching ESL is something you want to do the rest of your life? As without an education that will likely end up happening. Just my thoughts on the matter. Also you'd be able to get some real medical attention. Psychiatrist etc.

 

[bdomihizayka]

The antidepressant they shoot up is called "coaxil" or tianeptine in the west. Its in it's own class of antidepressants entirely, not an ssri, snri, tricyclic, etc- and people swear it gets you high as hell. Supposedly feels like an opiate. But after hearing of that whole desomorphine (krokodil) mess over here- I trust nothing and that shit is not coming anywhere near me.

And that's what I think- it's all just Western media spreading propaganda. Most people drink quite frequently here, the whole Vodka stereotype is quite true, but as for heroin- absolutely not. I would have found it in my previous junky induced endeavors.

annachronism- appreciate the feedback I really do. I taught some ESL for a private school whilst taking a year long Russian language course in Moscow and I loved it. I could definitely do it for a living. I really would love to pursue that path. And I do agree, it would be better to go at it with a degree. What if an American or even Russian company wants to hire me over there but requires a degree? My options will be wider. And it would be good to talk to a psychiatrist once again.