My patience is up... I feel stuck

ineedadvice

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2012
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2
Long time lurker of this site... absolutely love the information here. I am in a tough situation with my family right now that I would like to share. My siblings and I feel stuck and are at an impasse.

Our mother is an alcoholic, has been for the last 27 years. A woman who has never once attempted to quit smoking in the 40 years she has smoked. The precipitating factor that spun her disease out of control was the loss of my brother to cancer when he was 5. We grew up in a nice middle-class home and my father did his absolute best to see she received top notch care. She has been to some of the best rehabs in the country and has relapsed every time. Multiple psychiatrist were utilized. The last psychiatrist my mother visited before my parents divorced expressed to my father that he believed her alcoholism was too severe to keep the family together and close to her.

She moved across the country and all of my siblings and I barely saw her but once a year. She continued binge drinking while away until she ran out of all her money, was hospitalized from an alcohol induced coma (from intoxication, aspiration, and mild hypothermia). To all of our surprise, she recovered with most of her motor skills but a clearly degenerated mental status. After this incident, my siblings and I took her back, invested in a home for her to stay, and tried to reintroduce her into the world slowly. It only took 4 months of (apparent) sober living before she slipped back into blatantly drinking again. At this point, her mental status is terrible but still finds ways to lie to drink. When a liquor store wasn't available, she would drink large amounts of mouthwash. We believe this to attribute greatly to her deteriorating state. She has been drinking 3-4liters of wine every day for months now and causing serious stress both financially and monetarily on our families.

Our current location in the US is not one that is abundant in public health and we don't know what to do. She will not sign papers for guardianship for us to get her into any facilities. We would like to take her health information to a judge to gain guardianship but this will cost us thousands we do not have right now.

Even if we do gain this right from a judge, the only facilities in our area will only accept individuals who are sober. How do we get her sober in an environment that can offer palliative care when she has delirium tremens?

Can one with guardianship force an individual into a rehab facility?

ANY and I mean ANY advice would be much appreciated... she is not a danger to anyone but herself. She is a sweet woman afflicted with a problem I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
 
Most people in situations like that are good, kind people, who have just been taken over by their illness. It is a huge shame that she was unable to be treated from the various centres in the past; she sounds very ill indeed.

I'm afraid that I haven't any advice really, but I wanted to make sure that this thread does not fall off the front page, in the hopes that someone who may know more can offer some help. You sound like you've exhausted what little local help there is, and from my end it sounds like what she needs is 24-hour managed inpatient care to wean her off of alcohol and keep her from ever getting any again. Depending on where you are, this sort of care either doesn't exist or is exceedingly expensive.

Here's hoping that someone with better advice than mine comes across this! :)
 
The only way you can compel her to get treatment is through guardianship and you've already answered your own question regarding this:
it requires a judge saying that she is mentally unfit and requires confinement to prevent her from hurting herself.

Unfortunately, I think that even if you had unlimited financial resources, guardianship would be difficult to obtain. The fact that she is an
alcoholic wouldn't necessarily qualify her as mentally incompetent.

I would recommend that you speak with an attorney in Family Law.
 
The only way you can compel her to get treatment is through guardianship and you've already answered your own question regarding this:
it requires a judge saying that she is mentally unfit and requires confinement to prevent her from hurting herself.

Unfortunately, I think that even if you had unlimited financial resources, guardianship would be difficult to obtain. The fact that she is an
alcoholic wouldn't necessarily qualify her as mentally incompetent.

I would recommend that you speak with an attorney in Family Law.

What sort of documentation is required for a judge to consider someone mentally incompetent? Testimony from psychiatrists? Family?

Wish we could afford a lawyer right now
 
If she depends on you and your family then stop paying her expenses and force her to rehab.

This would simply force her to the streets, not into rehab. She's been to rehab. It didn't work. I didn't get the impression that anyone is paying her way.

OP, you need to consult with an attorney on this one.
 
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