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My path to quitting drugs and a question I have pondered recently.....

bdomihizayka

bdomihizayka

Bluelighter
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Jul 30, 2012
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About 9 months ago, my dad sent me a note and an article in the paper about Russia "Your favorite part of the world is about to ban smoking in restaurants and clubs.... better quit smoking Pat...."

I had dreams of becoming a Russian citizen since I could remember LOL. Yea, it's odd, but so am I, and that's what my dream is. And all during drug use, I totally forgot that I once studied at Moscow State University, that I have traveled there numerous times and even had friends there who loved and cared for me.

So I quit drugs. Just straight up stopped. Something about that letter my dad sent put everything into perspective (that 6 ODs never did) and that I actually had goals in life, and a dream, and that heroin was taking me further from it. It totally hit me in the feelings.

And I have been doing great ever since besides one little thing. I feel like 80% of the person I was prior to drug use. I can't explain what 20% I am missing, but it's gone. I don't know if it's brain-damage (2 of the ODs were extremely serious), or maybe my subconscious missing the drugs, even though I don't personally think about them much at all.

I have a strict diet, bodybuild, sleep sound, jam on my guitar, work on my cars, am in school, read often, meditate, in touch with my spirituality, on the road to my dream, gave up all drugs... but I feel like drug use lead me with a puncture wound in my soul. And I wanted to know if it's unrealistic to hope that one day, I will be back to my old self or not.

Take care bluelight. :D
 
That is a good way of putting it: a puncture wound in my soul. Damn I feel it still, and I havn't been "high" since 2010. But you are on a good path with all the things you do to stay busy. You're really close to getting there. What's stopping you from going back to Russia?
 
Thought patterns... never thought of that at all but I can definitely see where you're coming from there and I most definitely will take a deeper look. Thank you!

I want to get a degree here in America that's salable to companies in Moscow (international marketing)- preferably America/ European companies. I can always go and teach English as a start, but it wouldn't hurt having a degree so that lots more options open up in the future.

Appreciate all the input!!!
 
I was born in Moscow!

Just to mention, Russia at the moment has a bad heroin/opiate problem as well.

As a rule, the longer you abstain the better you feel. I would try to disassociate from ALL in your past drug related.

See no evil, hear no evil, do no evil.
 
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I think the more you meditate and find acceptance for where you are and who you are, the more whole and complete you will feel. I imagine that there are long term effects from heavy drug use but then again there are long term effects from most everything that we do in our lives.

The fact that you were able to just quit is amazing and I think you are in a good place. Maybe just rest there without too much comparison to the past or worry for the future. You are in a great place to simply go forward and let your life unfold.
 
You know how it's pretty true that unless one truly has the desire to stop than it'sfutile to try. I think when you really want to get over it you will if you still in the head space of telling yourself that its a fixation and it owns you then perhaps there is an underlying desire to still keep on. i say this cos the last two and a half years i have gone through all the things i have experienced throughout my life with drugs. i enjoyed i despaired i was determined to stop sometimes with success other times not, then i become resigned to alife of using and then i thought of a way to put a new mind set in motion. i sold my vehicle and payed a third of my debts off so now i have set myself up to get clean starting from NOW. the difference between now and 5 minutes ago... was just part of a process i put in motion i have been preparing to get to this place and now i'm here and so i truly hope i keep this desire to get clean . i know it may not last and i may fail i also know when i truly want to quit and get free i can but only when all my doubts fears and reservations have been dumped. good luck ifeel for you i know how it is
 
It's definitely good that you've got other things to occupy your time (bodybuilding, meditating, reading, etc) which are positive. I think when you just don't have anything else in your life but the drug it is SO much harder to walk away. My personal opinion is that there's really nothing wrong with occasional recreational drug use as long as you can keep it in it's place and don't let it consume you or crowd out the rest of your life's pursuits.
 
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