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My partner of 28 years is dead

StoneHappyMonday said:
Loyalty to BL here. Been a member for over 20 years. A lot of that has been a massive amount of received drug wisdom from people who know more than me. I am eternally grateful for all the help I received and continue to receive.

My life feels like it is over. I will never, don't even want to ever, receive the amount of pure love and undenying devotion I received from Liza. She is irreplaceable.

My heart is completely broken. Didn't know it was possible to cry this much. I don't know how to stop it.
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My wife died in March, last year, and I really didn't want to go on. The one thing that kept me going, was the two kittens she rescued. They are my last living link to her, and so, so important (hence my getting sectioned for threatening to end anyone who touched a hair on their head. I still stand by that threat).
Liza wouldn't want you to end yourself; take that from someone who's been through it. She'd want you to still be happy and do good things.
If you believe in an afterlife, she'll be waiting for you, but not be in a hurry. That's what I reckon Deborah's doing, but I reckon she'd be well passed off if I wasted what life I've got left.

Give me a ring at any time (you've my phone no). So many people would miss you,your humour and your goodwill, if you weren't here. Think on that and how Liza would appreciate you still helping others.

You have all my sympathy. K
 
StoneHappyMonday said:
Loyalty to BL here. Been a member for over 20 years. A lot of that has been a massive amount of received drug wisdom from people who know more than me. I am eternally grateful for all the help I received and continue to receive.

My life feels like it is over. I will never, don't even want to ever, receive the amount of pure love and undenying devotion I received from Liza. She is irreplaceable.

My heart is completely broken. Didn't know it was possible to cry this much. I don't know how to stop it.
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Crying is good, it releases chemicals. God knows I've cried an ocean, since Deborah's death. If someone had told me I wouldn't find the love of my life, until my late 40s, I'd have said, "fuck off". But life eternally surprises us.

Much love and don't be a stranger X
 
fastandbulbous said:
Liza wouldn't want you to end yourself; take that from someone who's been through it. She'd want you to still be happy and do good things.
If you believe in an afterlife, she'll be waiting for you, but not be in a hurry. That's what I reckon Deborah's doing, but I reckon she'd be well passed off if I wasted what life I've got left.
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This.

You didn't meet your wife by mistake & it won't be the last time you come across her too. Her time was up in this body & she had nothing left to learn or do so she left. It's nothing to be sad about, where do you think she has gone to? She is now everywhere as she has dropped the body.

Ram naam satya hai.
 
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I hope things start to get little easier for you, I know it easier said than done. Me and my family will keep you in our prayers tonight. God Bless you and your family.
 
Zopiclone bandit said:
This.

You didn't meet your wife by mistake & it won't be the last time you come across her too. Her time was up in this body & she had nothing left to learn or do so she left. It's nothing to be sad about, where do you think she has gone to? She is now everywhere as she has dropped the body.

Ram naam satya hai.
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I know you mean well brother, but saying that 'it's nothing to be sad about' honestly isn't helpful. Highly insensitive and lacking in empathy springs to mind.

Of course, it's true in a kind of academic emotionally removed kinda way - sure. (Apart from the 'you'll meet her again' platitude - you don't know that)

However, come back when you've lost someone you adore and have lived with for over quarter of a century who has passed away when they are not overly old and tell me the same thing. I bet if someone said that to you in SHM's situation you'd wring their neck for them, and nobody would blame you.

Trust me man - it's everything to be sad for, certainly not 'nothing'
 
Heartbreaking.
I rue the day when my SO of 27yrs comes to this.
My only hope is that we go together in some way so that neither has to be left behind and go through the loss.
It was hard reading the original post as I try my best to not think about it but damn the fact remains it is inevitable that we all return to our origin.
There is no separation she is still with you and will remain so always.
And I feel your sentiments on the kitties: MFs have felt the wrath from messin with ours and they are no longer "associates" of mine. Only takes one "incident" and they never come back around (their choice) which is optimal for the situation.
My deepest condolences.
<3
 
Lil'LinaptkSix said:
I rue the day when my SO of 27yrs comes to this.
My only hope is that we go together in some way so that neither has to be left behind and go through the loss.
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I've noticed you express this sentiment many, many times over the years..so often in fact that it's clearly quite a deep anxiety for you.

What will be...will be. The experience of loss is kinda central to our growth. We all suffer it, and will all be the cause of it for others. Just be here now innit, that's the invitation

You're such a sweet soul - massive hugs man, biglove <3
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
However, come back when you've lost someone you adore and have lived with for over quarter of a century who has passed away when they are not overly old and tell me the same thing. I bet if someone said that to you in SHM's situation you'd wring their neck for them, and nobody would blame you.
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No I wouldn't.

You & I clearly don't see eye to eye on "Faith" which is fine, I'm not here to point my finger at anyone.
If I had lived with someone for 25 years & they died I'd want to do a practise known as Shava Sadhana on them, you know NOTHING about the Aghori which is how I see myself too, it's the only Religious Sect that really calls to me.

You refuse to see the bigger picture & clearly think this "World" doesn't have some kind of force behind it that made it this way, some call it "God" which is fine as I'm not here to change your mind.

Just add me to ignore as you are starting to really show your true side & we have nothing to ever say to each other on here.
When my 2nd favourite dog was cremated I covered my face in dog ash & sat in isolation in a cave doing Japa (Hindu Mantra) for her new body so she could come back as a human & not a dog again, we clearly don't see eye to eye which is fine but as we don't agree on several matters we have nothing to say to each other on here.
 
Deeply sorry for your loss, as others said, the grieving process is natural and I can only imagine what you are going through- it's tough, but with time it should and would get better!
So stay strong and our hearts are with you!
Joey said:
Find a buddy who can sit with you for awhile if you need that.
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this is a great advice or anyone who is close to you
<3
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
I've noticed you express this sentiment many, many times over the years..so often in fact that it's clearly quite a deep anxiety for you.

What will be...will be. The experience of loss is kinda central to our growth. We all suffer it, and will all be the cause of it for others. Just be here now innit, that's the invitation

You're such a sweet soul - massive hugs man, biglove <3
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If I learned anything from taking large doses of LSD, it's that I have to accept that the universe does not revolve around my arse. My wife, who I know was the love of my life, died while I desperately gave her CPR. I am a broken man, but in the 9 months since her death, I have come to realise she loved me and would not be happy if my life effectively ended that day. SHM is still in a state of shock and needs our support. No squabbling, arguing or such shit. He needs time to come to terms with it. It will never stop hurting (I am still a work in progress), but time will dull the pain. Until then, any philosophical or religious contention can wait. The man needs our support.
The above is:
A - because I can empathise with his situation &
B - because he is a friend

Please be considerate
 
Thanks to all, even Zop who I know his heart is in the right place ultimately. I guess we all have different ways of coping with grief. That may be charitable. It may be the valium.

Today is worse than ever. It's my birthday, which means fuck all now but I can't get away from the date. There's been a lot of screaming in my head. I'm alone in a house that isn't mine, stuck in London for logistical reasons. I could drive home but it's 5 hours, then 5 hours back on Thursday. I can't do that. So I'm stuck. And in a very bad place in my head.

Special thanks to my friends who have PMd me with fantastic offers of support. I can't act on them now, all that distance, but some of the things said both here and in those PMs are beyond loyalty. I hope to act on them one day. I hope to give myself the chance to do so.

Much love

SHM xxxx
 
Awful news, I'm so sorry. There isn't much that I can say really which hasn't already been said by the lovely peeps on here, sending big hugs and much love <3
 
StoneHappyMonday said:
Thx for asking mate.
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Was not going to comment as I never know how it comes across when someone is grieving. 34 years ago my brother who was my best friend got killed by a drunk driver while house hunting with his new wife. Back in Aug my wife of 20 years had a severe heart issue they still do not what to do with. Almost died. Put it this way, we got our wills together.

I have to read posts like this as this type of stuff happens to us and never know exact how to deal with it. So I learn from SHM and F&B on what happens when a spouse passes on. You guys are like my teachers.

I will say this and learned after my brothers passing. The thought in my head of keep your eyes and ears wide open. It seemed nothing is ever taken without something given back. SHM your loved one does not want you 100% shit. I am sure you would not want that for them either.

Take a nature walk and try and feel better SHM. Try to feel that love that is still there and can never leave. You may even smile for a moment. That is your real work. We will all shuffle off at some point thank God. It is us here remaining that grieve. But we are given bits and pieces of insight and relief and it is almost like our loved ones are right there guiding us. I would promise your loved one that you will work on feeling better and letting life soak in. I believe time heals that through insight and growing.

One of the coolest tricks of Nature is the further we feel we are from our loved one passing just makes it that much closer to a reunion. Getting further away and closer at the same time. Smile on that.
 
StoneHappyMonday said:
Thx for asking mate.

100% shit.

All that time worrying about the possibilities of nuclear war and the end of the world and it's all bullshit isn't it. It's never going to happen.
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For me, grief is like a storm. I hate analogies like this, but nits like 100% shit for a while, then it clears momentarily, then it comes back. The periods gradually get longer and better, and eventually you'll have more good days than bad. It's still there of course but it's only been 4 years.
Really feel for you man.
 
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