My partner HATES me using.

[TheUltimateFixx]

Anyone else here got a serious problem with being in a real committed relationship where your significant other just cannot come to terms with the fact you're a user -?

I mean heck I cut right down for him ; I'm talking going from full-on junkie mode to a mere weekend warrior. I'm using well below physical dependence ; at most I 'll take like 3 shots inside a week.

It actually suits me ; I don't feel the slightest urge to step it up again to that level where I was. I don't fancy the junk flu and I can do without dedicating my entire life to making sure I get a score.
My priorities have changed.
At the same time I don't feel the slightest urge to quit completely ; I like this shit too much. But he's an ABSOLUTIST about it.

IIt's not good enough for him if my life doesn't centre around using. It's not good enough if my using doesn't affect us financially or in any other way.
So long as I use, no matter how moderately or responsibly, I'll always be a JUNKIE to him and he won't countenance it. I'm starting to feel somewhat blackmailed and resentful.

Any similar experiences? Any advice?
(genuine please. no snarky preaching)

 

[December Flower]

I wish you good luck with that plan, but I don't think it will work, sorry.
The drug changes your entire thought-process.
As long as you're using, the drug will decide for you.
I lost 2 friends to talk like that; just takes something negative happening in your life, and the drug will decide it's time.

I've had a partner who had a big issue with my usage of MDMA & psychedelics, but I don't feel much like talking about it. I stopped only after she left, and have been clean since(early 2013)

My advice would be to check how much of a grip the drug has on you, and prove to him and yourself that you're not a "junkie" by simply not using for a week or so.

 

[Bare_head]

He is probably worried that your "responsible use" may get out of hand again. If you are a past addict it probably is a worry for him that you may pick up where you left off.

Obviously i cant speak for him or your relationship and can definitely relate to this feeling you are feeling but its not just a clear cut as he is resentful towards you using and is almost psychologically blackmailing you. n

He is just human after all, we all have feelings of frustration/worry/ sadness/ anger.

I wish you all the best in this working out for you's. If you are using responsibly and he is still upset you need to sit down and have a proper talk when you can.

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

Its probably not going to work out with him, if it does last then it might not be the happiest relationship.

Its not really the using, as such. Its just he will look down on you for this going by your post and will always have it in his armoury to bring out in any fight about anything.

So he hates it. What do you think about it? Is it stopping you from contributing to the household or is it just some part of you that is not at all inclusive or about him?

You might have everything else right and it could be enough to not dump him but, you're you, he knows that and hates part of you. There's others who will love you no matter what and will probably not like it yet will support you better when you stop or have influence to help you not go back into full addiction.



Your life isn't just a shot or two, to him it must be. Either give up for him and see if it works out or live your life without this pressure, you might feel better and not want to use every weekend?

Just don't relapse into it if he bails, he's not worth it

 

[December Flower]

you're you, he knows that and hates part of you.

I agree with some of what you said, but this is a giant non sequitur.

Can't you see that the anger about his gf using is about his fear of losing her to an OD or secludist junkie behaviour that is directed by the drug's inconceivably strong pull?

That's not hating her, or a part of her. If you say the heroin is a part of her, I say the heroin, and the behaviour that comes along with it, is more like a parasite taking over mind and body.

edit: just to be clear. We only know the story from the point of view of a heroin user named "theultimatefixx", with a poppy profile picture. Veeery much and clearly psychologically infatuated with the drug. We don't even know said bf's point of view, and you're telling her that he hates part of her.
She says "I 'll take like 3 shots inside a week.", like 3 shots, not exactly 3, before even applied, the rules are already bent. A few of these telltale signs make me worried as well, can't say I love it that people lose their lives and dignity to heroin. Does that make me hate part of her? No, it makes me hate the heroin

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

I dont read the partners behaviour as fearful and if it is based on fear for her health only, he's got a real douchey way of expressing it. "NOT GOOD ENOUGH", well, cutting back and maintaining as she has is pretty good as it is, she's been down the hard road and its not going to end well as the two perspectives aren't going in the same direction.

Id feel like I owed him, grateful he lowered himself to me with junkie old me and would not ever expect him to trust the issue even if she quits forever today.

Relationships built on a divide either pull together or pull apart, better off being the person that can and will find someone who does not see her as anything less than what she's worth, no one needs a partner with an absolute edict that does not seem realistic.

Forget him not worth it.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Haha just for the record I'm actually a guy. XD

 

[December Flower]

Haha just for the record I'm actually a guy. XD

well it doesn't change much.
Has the situation improved?

I dont read the partners behaviour as fearful and if it is based on fear for her health only, he's got a real douchey way of expressing it. "NOT GOOD ENOUGH", well, cutting back and maintaining as she has is pretty good as it is, she's been down the hard road and its not going to end well as the two perspectives aren't going in the same direction.

Id feel like I owed him, grateful he lowered himself to me with junkie old me and would not ever expect him to trust the issue even if she quits forever today.

Relationships built on a divide either pull together or pull apart, better off being the person that can and will find someone who does not see her as anything less than what she's worth, no one needs a partner with an absolute edict that does not seem realistic.

Forget him not worth it.

See, I feel like an asshole when I say this, but it is not good enough, in my opinion as well. The decision to "be a junkie", even if "just 3 days per week"(this isn't going to work anyways) is bonkers insane, and I would not be able to tolerate it, as much as I tried. I could tolerate it if there was a purpose behind it to get clean, but with the goal of staying a "junkie" I would be driven mad constantly, if the person I loved was addicted to heroin. 2 of my friends killed themselves with this shit, because they couldn't escape it, and a third one we're just watching as he slowly dies, as nothing we say or do matters. It's a crippling fear, that makes you expect bad news whenever you pick up the phone. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything else, it would drive me completely mad. The more you know about this shit, the higher the fear. You gotta understand the non-user here too. It's fucking scary.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

If I was your partner I would hate you using and eventually leave you. I didn’t bother to read the long ass shit you posted. Just the title

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

well it doesn't change much.
Has the situation improved?



See, I feel like an asshole when I say this, but it is not good enough, in my opinion as well. The decision to "be a junkie", even if "just 3 days per week"(this isn't going to work anyways) is bonkers insane, and I would not be able to tolerate it, as much as I tried. I could tolerate it if there was a purpose behind it to get clean, but with the goal of staying a "junkie" I would be driven mad constantly, if the person I loved was addicted to heroin. 2 of my friends killed themselves with this shit, because they couldn't escape it, and a third one we're just watching as he slowly dies, as nothing we say or do matters. It's a crippling fear, that makes you expect bad news whenever you pick up the phone. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything else, it would drive me completely mad. The more you know about this shit, the higher the fear. You gotta understand the non-user here too. It's fucking scary.

If I was your partner I would hate you using and eventually leave you. I didn’t bother to read the long ass shit you posted. Just the title

If ya can't even be bothered to consider the CONTENT of what somebody actually SAID, then don't bother to fucking reply, because you don't even know wtf you're replying TO.

Thanks and do me the favour and sod off.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

If I was your partner I would hate you using and eventually leave you. I didn’t bother to read the long ass shit you posted. Just the title

... Wait wait hold on a sec. Did I in fact just find myself dismissively admonished for my habit by someone that chooses to go by the name of *Perpetual Indulgence* -?
Fuuuuuck HAHAHA the irony. I'm dead

 

[December Flower]

If ya can't even be bothered to consider the CONTENT of what somebody actually SAID, then don't bother to fucking reply, because you don't even know wtf you're replying TO.

Thanks and do me the favour and sod off.

What did I do? I read the thread and posted my honest opinion
If that offends you, you should really think about what kind of grip opiates have on your mind

I know the flip side of this game you are playing too well. I know what it means to be afraid every day when the phone rings.
I know what it means when a person you care about goes down this ugly path
Just wanted to tell you that what you see as "unfair treatment" is just fear that you will die.
You don't seem to be bothered by the situation you are already in, but the people who love you will be.
They will fear for your safety every day. That's why it's not good enough to want to stay a junkie with this (sorry) very bad plan.

You should read some heroin discussion on here. There's people maybe in the .1% percentage who can chip heroin,
and they only claim they're functional, they are probably not/if they are, they won't be in 3 years.
Everyone else follows the same pattern and they usually hate what they did,
back when they had some semblance of control, like you do now.
But who even knows if you have control left. That piece of shit drug is such a sneaky bastard on the psyche

I hope you make it off this path, but since you don't want to, good luck

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

He is probably worried that your "responsible use" may get out of hand again. If you are a past addict it probably is a worry for him that you may pick up where you left off.

Obviously i cant speak for him or your relationship and can definitely relate to this feeling you are feeling but its not just a clear cut as he is resentful towards you using and is almost psychologically blackmailing you. n

He is just human after all, we all have feelings of frustration/worry/ sadness/ anger.

I wish you all the best in this working out for you's. If you are using responsibly and he is still upset you need to sit down and have a proper talk when you can.

Thanks for your feedback ; yah the main sticking point is that he's got a personal prejudice and preconception of any and all substance users as being some sort of lowlifes.

... For some reason he exempts weed. I could be taking weed 5 days a week and that'd apparently be just fine with him, but anything else is a big fat NO. Heck he'd still get inna funk if I only did it once a year on my fucking birthday.


Furthermore I test every single dose for fentanyl and analogues these days ; and I rarely use by myself. If I'm by myself and get a positive, I will not even chance it.
If with a using buddy (we all of us have the antidote and know how to give it in case of emergency), I'll STILL do a little test shot beforehand, instead of the whole dose at once, just to help me gauge it. My hygiene is impeccable. Proper disinfection and sterile single - use equipment ONLY.
I just dunno how much more safety - conscious I can possibly be to put his mind at rest.

Oh, and he himself likes to consume copious amounts of alcoholic drink when it suits him or he feels he needs it for stress - relief, I don't lecture him on it especially since I drink as well ; it's just that I'm finding his attitude a little hair - splitting and disingenuous.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Its probably not going to work out with him, if it does last then it might not be the happiest relationship.

Its not really the using, as such. Its just he will look down on you for this going by your post and will always have it in his armoury to bring out in any fight about anything.

So he hates it. What do you think about it? Is it stopping you from contributing to the household or is it just some part of you that is not at all inclusive or about him?

You might have everything else right and it could be enough to not dump him but, you're you, he knows that and hates part of you. There's others who will love you no matter what and will probably not like it yet will support you better when you stop or have influence to help you not go back into full addiction.



Your life isn't just a shot or two, to him it must be. Either give up for him and see if it works out or live your life without this pressure, you might feel better and not want to use every weekend?

Just don't relapse into it if he bails, he's not worth it

Oh he very much is. ^^

... If he gives me an ultimatum then I'd quit ; but this would also make me feel like I've been unfairly pushed into a corner, so I'm still hoping we can work something out to accommodate both our needs.

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

Thanks for your feedback ; yah the main sticking point is that he's got a personal prejudice and preconception of any and all substance users as being some sort of lowlifes.

... For some reason he exempts weed. I could be taking weed 5 days a week and that'd apparently be just fine with him, but anything else is a big fat NO. Heck he'd still get inna funk if I only did it once a year on my fucking birthday.


Furthermore I test every single dose for fentanyl and analogues these days ; and I rarely use by myself. If I'm by myself and get a positive, I will not even chance it.
If with a using buddy (we all of us have the antidote and know how to give it in case of emergency), I'll STILL do a little test shot beforehand, instead of the whole dose at once, just to help me gauge it. My hygiene is impeccable. Proper disinfection and sterile single - use equipment ONLY.
I just dunno how much more safety - conscious I can possibly be to put his mind at rest.

Oh, and he himself likes to consume copious amounts of alcoholic drink when it suits him or he feels he needs it for stress - relief, I don't lecture him on it especially since I drink as well ; it's just that I'm finding his attitude a little hair - splitting and disingenuous.

So....assuming he knew wat your lifestyle was like before you started seeing each other, why did this all start anyway, sounds like its not rely about drugs per se but you have different priorities, dont seem really able to go in the same direction.

He sounds like a dick, just leave him and figure out your drug use on your own. Its your problem, not his.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

So....assuming he knew wat your lifestyle was like before you started seeing each other,

Ahh. #embarrassed laugh#
Nope this was not in fact the case. While we were getting to know one another he emphatically stated he HATES junkies; which is absolutely comprehensible in his case, as he is from Brazil ; there's druggies lolling about on the pavements everywhere he goes in his town ; there's drug - related muggings and executions every day ; junkies are the single demographic committing the most crime over there ; and he sees first - hand the corruption and brutality of the drug cartels.

.. So NO I'm not blaming him exactly.
It was just I had my heart already set on him so I lied by omission. OF COURSE the guy feels betrayed by me, so would I in his shoes. He never knew my drug use history and I was planning to somehow hide it like forever (yeeeaahh like THAT was gonna realistically work XD).

Then we watched this film together about a heroin user and the whole injection process as portrayed was just totally off ; and inadvertently I let slip 'no ya don't DO it like that'. Then HE predictably went, 'so how do you know then' and it all just kinda came apart from there.

He sounds like a dick,

That's the distressing part (to me).
He's not only NOT a dick, he's the single most worthwhile human I ever met in my life. I plan on spending the rest of my time with him.
.. I just also bloody wish I could still get high once in a while without thinking that somehow equals betraying my relationship.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Ahh. #embarrassed laugh#
Nope this was not in fact the case. While we were getting to know one another he emphatically stated he HATES junkies; which is absolutely comprehensible in his case, as he is from Brazil ; there's druggies lolling about on the pavements everywhere he goes in his town ; there's drug - related muggings and executions every day ; junkies are the single demographic committing the most crime over there ; and he sees first - hand the corruption and brutality of the drug cartels.

.. So NO I'm not blaming him exactly.
It was just I had my heart already set on him so I lied by omission. OF COURSE the guy feels betrayed by me, so would I in his shoes. He never knew my drug use history and I was planning to somehow hide it like forever (yeeeaahh like THAT was gonna realistically work XD).

Then we watched this film together about a heroin user and the whole injection process as portrayed was just totally off ; and inadvertently I let slip 'no ya don't DO it like that'. Then HE predictably went, 'so how do you know then' and it all just kinda came apart from there.


That's the distressing part (to me).
He's not only NOT a dick, he's the single most worthwhile human I ever met in my life. I plan on spending the rest of my time with him.
.. I just also bloody wish I could still get high once in a while without thinking that somehow equals betraying my relationship.

If he is absolutely adamant on his stance on drugs and is not going to change his mind ever than knowing your relationship with drugs ( by your posts ) you two are in for a world of hurt feelings. I'm not sure where you are right now in your habit. I know it was pretty frequent. So it sounds like you have to stop totally ( or yes you are betraying him ) or he needs to lighten up his opinion of your use. Doesn't sound like he is going to though. Think his stance is pretty firm. So it's up to you. If he really is " the most worthwhile human you have ever met and plan on spending the rest of your life with " I guess the answer is pretty clear.

You either quit and have a really good life, with the love of your life, or you use behind his back and lie. Take your pick. And I wish good things for you, by the way, but you already know that.

 

[Shady's Fox]

That's a brain storm right there, so even if you're grounded into reality, it doesn't matter since you've touched the drug world. I think you need to kick him outta your life, this situation is one of those where you say ''nameless''. I think he's not happy with himself and it works on the same system as being poor and letting that stepping in your personal life where you can't carry an intelectual dialogue and shit.

 

[pofacedhoe]

injecting is prob part of the problem also

for most people its a step too far

i'm sure from brazil he has been around social cocaine users who could keep their life together but if someone pulls out a needle its a bit of a next step down the rabbit hole

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

injecting is prob part of the problem also

for most people its a step too far

i'm sure from brazil he has been around social cocaine users who could keep their life together but if someone pulls out a needle its a bit of a next step down the rabbit hole

He even did cocaine a few times himself. He was part of a youthful street gang at the time and you'd do coke just to get yourself riled up to fight.
He says it turned him into a human wrecking ball but he never actually LIKED it.