**Share what you have learned to possibly spare others from the same fate??? Sure.
At what point did madness overcome me?
One thousand reasons to get out of bed, each one pressing it's logical importance into my brain. Fighting for my glimmer of recognition as a contender on the "To Do" list that never stops growing and never, not once, has ever been up to date.
--Show up, write your name on the paper, prove to them all that my intellect is worthy of praise.
--Walk in, take charge like only I know how - driven by adrenaline, prize-winning, shine in my eyes, a prodigy of all that I touch.
--Call them, comfort them in their dreams for a future not mine and assure the inevitability of success that does not fall under the heading of "here and now".
--Hold you, for my strength has been yours for as long as I can remember giving it and not once did I ask you to know me in return.
--Look there, the mirror is not lying, that is my face and the dark circles mine and the tears from my eyes and the haunting stare that lies to everyone else...
So I put off the list, and one day becomes fourteen. And suddenly the only pressing and logical and important reason to get out of the bed, the million brought down to the one that I see, meaning mostly nothing but holding within itself that one sliver of truth ---- giving up.
It was the only way I knew how to keep going. And three years later when I found a better reason to wrap around me, one to keep me out of the bed, I realized then that I was no longer cold. Nor burning up with the fever of misplaced hope.
**This happened over five years ago. It was only possible for me to feel my emotions, and to know, accept, and understand them - after a period of feeling nothing. Numbess was it's own medicine, and while I regret "losing" that time with my heart, without it I wouldn't have gotten out from under all that pressure. Now my battle lies in avoiding that cold place. Use it if it aids you in life, but do not let it become a permanent companion to your mind. That would mean limiting your perspective. And that is on my list of the deadliest sins.
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The space between the tears we cry, is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more.
At what point did madness overcome me?
One thousand reasons to get out of bed, each one pressing it's logical importance into my brain. Fighting for my glimmer of recognition as a contender on the "To Do" list that never stops growing and never, not once, has ever been up to date.
--Show up, write your name on the paper, prove to them all that my intellect is worthy of praise.
--Walk in, take charge like only I know how - driven by adrenaline, prize-winning, shine in my eyes, a prodigy of all that I touch.
--Call them, comfort them in their dreams for a future not mine and assure the inevitability of success that does not fall under the heading of "here and now".
--Hold you, for my strength has been yours for as long as I can remember giving it and not once did I ask you to know me in return.
--Look there, the mirror is not lying, that is my face and the dark circles mine and the tears from my eyes and the haunting stare that lies to everyone else...
So I put off the list, and one day becomes fourteen. And suddenly the only pressing and logical and important reason to get out of the bed, the million brought down to the one that I see, meaning mostly nothing but holding within itself that one sliver of truth ---- giving up.
It was the only way I knew how to keep going. And three years later when I found a better reason to wrap around me, one to keep me out of the bed, I realized then that I was no longer cold. Nor burning up with the fever of misplaced hope.
**This happened over five years ago. It was only possible for me to feel my emotions, and to know, accept, and understand them - after a period of feeling nothing. Numbess was it's own medicine, and while I regret "losing" that time with my heart, without it I wouldn't have gotten out from under all that pressure. Now my battle lies in avoiding that cold place. Use it if it aids you in life, but do not let it become a permanent companion to your mind. That would mean limiting your perspective. And that is on my list of the deadliest sins.
------------------
The space between the tears we cry, is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more.
