bleeding_lily
Greenlighter
Hey everyone,having kind of a bad day so i figured id find some way to entertain myself and thought "oh yeah,bluelight." So here it is.
If you havent noticed,im Asher. I started dabbling with drugs (weed and alcohol) when i was 12. Yeah,i know,too young. but there are people who started at liike 8,so..x) 13 i started checking out a few pills here and there,got addicted to squares and smoked weed about once a week. 14 i fell in love..im 15 now but let me tell you the last year of my life has been hell. I moved in with my father for the first time around the end of September. I was the new kid in school there and everyone loved me and gave me anything i wanted....meaning drugs. I was dating a senior-the "top" dealer in the school,and i ended up beating him in the rat race we had going on towards the end of my stay there. everyone knew who i was,and they respected the fuck outta me x) (also stating that i am in no way one of the "popular chicks" i=i mean if you wanna get technical you could say "scene" or "emo" or whatever but im not much for labels.) so i met my match-hydrocodone. it was everything i had ever wanted. it made me feel so good yet-i felt nothing at all. i had tried a few hydros and othe rpain pills here and there before but when i found my dosage and it hit me-it felt like heaven. i fell in love with the numbness.and it became virtually the only thing that mattered to me. my routine became:wake up-get coffee-meet "Jake" at bus stop-smoke 2 bowls-get on bus-take pills-go to school-be fucked up-sell some-go home on later stage of comedown feeling like shit. i was completely dependent on the pills and if i didnt have those,i had something else to replace it(weed,zanax,oxys,codine,acid,morphine,methadone,etc.) i overdosed once in october,not bad enough to send me to the hospital or anything but bad enough that my friends thought i was having seizures because i was convulsing so ad.the next day when i woke up,i was in so much fucking pain that i couldnt move. i quit everything but pot for about 2 weeks after that..but as you know...true love never fails
i caught up with the pills again,and one time,for about a week,everyone was dry for some reason and i had no sources..i had wds all week but on the last day(sunday) i woke up not being able to move in pain again,and throwing up all day. i eventually got "Jake" to bring me a few he stole from his dads stash(who was also a dealer) and i was fine. i still threw up a few times after they hit me though. (keep in mind,i was doing 2,000-4,000mgs a day,every day.) feb.3rd of this year i took vyvanse for the first time. i didnt eat or sleep for 3 days. on the second day my friend had given me the idea of take benadryll to trip.i was game and bought a box after school.feb.6th i was on 600mg of benadryll and a fuckton of methadone. all i remember is waking up in the hospital wondering how the fuck i got there.
i hadnt done anything substance-wise besides alcohol up until last night when i smoked a lil bit of weed with my friend. to be more detailed-i have HPPD,and i dont know if anyone else gets this,but any time i do anything now(drink,smoke,pills,whatever) it makes my hallucinations worse. ya know that high you have when you wake up the next day after you smoked before you went to bed and you feel great?i had that this morning-but my hallucinations are still a bit more intense than usual. i was taking lamotrigine(lamactil) for it but developed a rash on my neck and it concerned my psychologist and he tld me to stop taking it(i had been on it for 2 weeks until yesterday.it hadnt done anything noticable yet but i know im supposed to wait 4-8 weeks to know for sure.)so dont take my word for it-i still dont know if it works well for the treatment of HPPD or not. anyways...thats my life i geuss. My name is Asher.
If you havent noticed,im Asher. I started dabbling with drugs (weed and alcohol) when i was 12. Yeah,i know,too young. but there are people who started at liike 8,so..x) 13 i started checking out a few pills here and there,got addicted to squares and smoked weed about once a week. 14 i fell in love..im 15 now but let me tell you the last year of my life has been hell. I moved in with my father for the first time around the end of September. I was the new kid in school there and everyone loved me and gave me anything i wanted....meaning drugs. I was dating a senior-the "top" dealer in the school,and i ended up beating him in the rat race we had going on towards the end of my stay there. everyone knew who i was,and they respected the fuck outta me x) (also stating that i am in no way one of the "popular chicks" i=i mean if you wanna get technical you could say "scene" or "emo" or whatever but im not much for labels.) so i met my match-hydrocodone. it was everything i had ever wanted. it made me feel so good yet-i felt nothing at all. i had tried a few hydros and othe rpain pills here and there before but when i found my dosage and it hit me-it felt like heaven. i fell in love with the numbness.and it became virtually the only thing that mattered to me. my routine became:wake up-get coffee-meet "Jake" at bus stop-smoke 2 bowls-get on bus-take pills-go to school-be fucked up-sell some-go home on later stage of comedown feeling like shit. i was completely dependent on the pills and if i didnt have those,i had something else to replace it(weed,zanax,oxys,codine,acid,morphine,methadone,etc.) i overdosed once in october,not bad enough to send me to the hospital or anything but bad enough that my friends thought i was having seizures because i was convulsing so ad.the next day when i woke up,i was in so much fucking pain that i couldnt move. i quit everything but pot for about 2 weeks after that..but as you know...true love never fails
i caught up with the pills again,and one time,for about a week,everyone was dry for some reason and i had no sources..i had wds all week but on the last day(sunday) i woke up not being able to move in pain again,and throwing up all day. i eventually got "Jake" to bring me a few he stole from his dads stash(who was also a dealer) and i was fine. i still threw up a few times after they hit me though. (keep in mind,i was doing 2,000-4,000mgs a day,every day.) feb.3rd of this year i took vyvanse for the first time. i didnt eat or sleep for 3 days. on the second day my friend had given me the idea of take benadryll to trip.i was game and bought a box after school.feb.6th i was on 600mg of benadryll and a fuckton of methadone. all i remember is waking up in the hospital wondering how the fuck i got there. i hadnt done anything substance-wise besides alcohol up until last night when i smoked a lil bit of weed with my friend. to be more detailed-i have HPPD,and i dont know if anyone else gets this,but any time i do anything now(drink,smoke,pills,whatever) it makes my hallucinations worse. ya know that high you have when you wake up the next day after you smoked before you went to bed and you feel great?i had that this morning-but my hallucinations are still a bit more intense than usual. i was taking lamotrigine(lamactil) for it but developed a rash on my neck and it concerned my psychologist and he tld me to stop taking it(i had been on it for 2 weeks until yesterday.it hadnt done anything noticable yet but i know im supposed to wait 4-8 weeks to know for sure.)so dont take my word for it-i still dont know if it works well for the treatment of HPPD or not. anyways...thats my life i geuss. My name is Asher.
