My Motives for Drugs

I posted this in Advanced Drug Discussion, and it got closed, with the reason as "use your blog." I don't know how the blog works, but here goes.

I am a young teenager, with little experience in the world of drugs (booze, bud, benzo, solvent, oxy). I have never talked to someone who has the same sort of ideal as me with drug use, which is this: basically, I plan to do every drug. The drugs I wouldn't do are not because I have limits; I really don't. I wouldn't do these drugs simply because thy don't appeal to me. If I was offered a shot of heroin, morph, coke, meth, pretty much anything, I would answer with a big fat "FUCK YES". Getting into drugs and having a drug lifestyle like most of the people who will read this do, is in fact one of my main ambitions in life. I spend hours a day on bluelight, reading everything I can, particularly trip reports. It is among my ultimate goals to get heavily into drugs, and the only thing stopping me is a lack of fucking dealers. I definetely have the money, I just don't know how the fuck to get my hands on anything other than grass, which I hate.

So the reason I want get into drugs and be a drug addict (seriously. Yes, I plan to get clean eventually as well, but I feel I need to know what it's like to be controlled by a substance. All of my friends think I'm fucking retarded, and you are thinking that right now as well, I know it). It is my understanding that drugs are something that can take you literally dozens of times further on so many different levels of life than leading a drugless life can. A while back, I saw a graph about dopamine or serotonin release relating to drugs. This contributed to my dream to do drugs. I've told lots of my mates about ths, whether I understood it properly or not. It said that you get 50% (happiness) release from eating. 100% for having sex (orgasm). And that 200% happiness release is the highest the human brain can achieve without the aid of substance. And then it told me this. That a cocaine high gives you 350% happiness. And that a meth high will give you ... 1200% happiness. This graph blew my fucking mind. It seemed unbelievable to me that most people weren't prepared to sacrifice their health, to feel SIX times as good as you can possibly feel if you, say, achieved your ultimate life dream, or made love to your dream beauty.

Now, I probably interpreted this information wrongly somehow, but that doesn't matter to me. From reading bluelight, it seems to me that drugs can do things like that; take you further than you could dream about going without them. I am obsessed with making the most of life, and I can't compehend dying without having experienced the drug lifestyle, warts and all, that you probably lead. Bluelighters, I envy you.

So, I guess I'm asking 2 questions:
1. Can you relate to me? Noone else has.
2. Do you, assuming you are like most bluelighters and you are really into that drug lifestyle I want to experience so badly, feel that people who don't use are missing out on the world? Do you believe that if your life was clean of drugs, it would be unbearably dull and pointless? This is not a question of being hooked on drugs, it's about whether you believe that drugs are really the most amazing thing, and that they can take you a hundred times further than anything else can. This is what I, as a non-drug user, believes and hopes for.

Any comments are welcome. I really hope this doesn't get closed, I spent a long time writing that.

 

Nah, this is what Blogs is for. Welcome aboard.

I've got to say that I'm a bit worried about your motivation for taking drugs, but at the same time the reasoning isn't exactly foreign to me. The thing is: especially with cocaine that 350% number is only for the first few times (and is highly subjective I might add). After that, you're just chasing that feeling. Unsuccessfully.

It may be interesting academically to experience addiction firsthand, but if you're only interested in seeing what it is like to be dependent on a substance for your daily life, I'd suggest going for something light and legal like caffeine. It's easy to get hooked, is unpleasant to quit, but won't break the bank as it's legal.

Something to consider as well is that one can learn to experience more out of life sober. It takes time, and a lot of effort, while drugs offer a convenient shortcut. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that addiction is something to be avoided, and recreational use aught to be the goal. Recreational drugs are just that: fun. With the right mindframe going into the experience you can also learn a lot about yourself, your mind, the world and so on.

Just keep that in mind. Welcome to Blogs!

 

the percents seem to be dopamine release, which is not equivalent to happiness... dopamine release has a lot to do with our motivational drive though

 

i can sort of relate. my motivation to do drugs was largely curiosity and knowing they can take you farther than you can get sober in certain senses. when you use them daily, tolerance eventually creeps up to the point where it's only keeping you even; yet side effects persist and with enough tolerance even "paradoxical effects" can occur. i think there is a balance to be reached with drugs; neither total sobriety nor over-usage should be envied at all imo

 

as a young boi a child i might call myself laying in a uncomfortable posture while 27 hours into a heroin withdrawl, i would tell you i feel the exact same way about drugs. weather im clean or into a unhealthy end of a 1 yr binge i almost always associeate freedom with going into a bathroom, putting on a hyp ass waka flocka song on the utube ap on my shtty droid waiting 4 it 2 load, doing a bag or 2 & emerging bright eyed n hyped tha flock up however there are things addicts or everyday users would have done quite diffrently if they would have found them selves in your shoes right nw which is an extreamly important thing you could learn from and could use as a tool to perfect your uncertin & enevitable adventure into the world of drugs.

for one example much like what ^^ were talkin about is how after making your life a life of useing those breif and if your lucky 2 moments throughout the day where you are economicaly allowed to use your drug of choice become about staving off withdrawl symptoms rather than sitting back and allowing euphoria to do the thinking for you. you end up in a war of finding seamingly hopeless ways to stave off physical pain which im sure you and all bluelight /drug users did not intend on doing while starting there life with drugs. often addicted users struggle between going through the withdrawl symptoms so that they might be able to start a drug friendly life & use once in a while without the need for painful and mentally degraiting withdrawls(if they havent used their way 2 rock bottem) (i. that is how i would define a true recreational user. someone who looks out for their own recreational drug using interests. someone making sure when they wana get high theyll be able to and theyll let nothing gert in tht way. by seeking addiction you are certinaly inching toward a world with extream lack of eauphoria. much more so then the clean bourgious classmate athleat who we once laughed upon for his ignorance of potential euphoria attainability.

after another 24 hrs i should be at the end of my withdrawl symptoms ( i am very fortunate % withdrawl quickly partialy due to being a rookie addict and i plan on relapseing. however this time i plan to give my self F***in CHR*ST at least a 48 hr wait(at the least) until my next useing for i plan to emerge a subservient to the institution which is my drug causeing euphoria because i like you started out with the same task but ended up diverting my mission (a synchronised mixture of drugs and life only to minimize euphoria) for the sake of lazyness ( not willing to say fine il go thru the withdrawl now rather than later and waisted months of my life without proper euphoria. so please do us junkies a favor and continue the struggle for a continued syntheses between drug use and a mentally healthy life. its the only way to be a true addict. save the shot of dope for that bangin party lml or a walk through sea side heights boardwalk with a lover