• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

My mother is dying

Trancey

Trancey

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 31, 2001
Messages
5,942
I don't understand.
Deterioration of a soul so alive
Eating away the very breath that gave me life
Why give this to a person so sweet
Why give this to a person that so many love
It doesn't make any sense
Life is so precious
So easily destroyed for some yet so hard to end for others
People who cherish life get it taken away from them so quickly
It's the people that want to die that seem to last forever.
Why can't it be me?
Why can't I be the one slowly sinking into the darkness?
Seeping deep into the oblivion of death?
So slow, so painful, so secretly making it's way, taking over her body.
Why her?
Why my mother?
She's done so much.
Given to so many people and taken nothing in return.
Soon I might have nothing but memories.
But how soon will those fade?
Pictures. She hated being in front of the camera. She'd put things in her place. Her purse or scarf. Only things in the background to remind us that she was there at all. Everyone grouped around an empty chair representing where she would've sat.
Smells. The sweet smell of vanilla, or the strong scent of the perfume that I always complain of. The fragrances of her garden, mainly, her orchids. She got so excited when a new person came to the apartment. She'd have them guess what her favorite orchid resembled. Though no one could ever figure it out, I'd whisper what it was in their ear.
"Chocolate?," they'd say.
Her face immediately would light up like a candle. A huge smile, her eyes got real wide. You can't help but to get excited with her.
Not a whole lot of memories of when I was younger. I think I've blocked most of them out. A few of them still linger however. She used to make these hilariously rediculous faces behind my fathers back when he was scolding me to keep me from crying. The same faces she'd make when I was on stage for a beauty pageant to remind me to smile.
There's so many things that would take pages and pages to write. So a few more words I'll leave you with,
She'd do anything in her power to make my brothers and I happy. She still does, but now it's my turn. To take care of her, and make the rest of her time here as happy and as pleasing to her as I can possibly make it.
I know I'm not the first to go through this,
and unfortunately I know I will not be the last.
But you never realize what you've got until it's almost gone.
I only wish I would've realized it much much sooner.
So stop and think about what you still have and know that it could be ripped right out of your hands in moments.
Some people will have and keep but some have and loose way too soon.
~To explain, my mother was just diagnosed with two different forms of cancer. Some of my thoughts may be a bit unclear but please keep my mother and the rest of my family in your heart, whether it be your thoughts or in your prayers.
I know there is a cure out there somewhere but cancer has taken away too many of the people dear to me and so many others. I just pray that they get it before it gets her.
[ 18 June 2002: Message edited by: tranceaddiKt ]
 
~To explain, my mother was just diagnosed with two different forms of cancer. Some of my thoughts may be a bit unclear but please keep my mother and the rest of my family in your heart, whether it be your thoughts or in your prayers.
Im so Sorry I have lost alot of people very close
to me because of Cancer,So I can imagine what your going through. I will continue to say a Prayer for your Mother and your Family, My heart goes out to you and your family! ((((((Huggs)))))
[ 18 June 2002: Message edited by: tj-e ]
Click to expand...
 
Saddening news on many fronts. :(
Your mother is truly an endearing person and anything more I could say would only lose some of it’s meaning on an internet message board.
So for now I'll just say;
If you need anything...
A shoulder...
An ear...
My line is always open to you.
 
I am so deeply sorry you have to go through this. Your mom is in my thoughts and prayers. I just lost my dear neighbor, who was like a grandma to me from cancer. I know 3 ppl who have 6 months to a year to live because of this horrible, brutal disease. I pray someday they will have a cure. I fear that my mom will develop lung cancer, because she is a heavy smoker, as i am too.
Best of luck to you and your family with coping and staying strong.
Much Love, Angie
 
im sitting here crying now because this really touches home. almost two years ago my husband dad died from cancer. it was suddenly diagnosed only a few weeks before he died. he died at home with his family and before he passed my husband shaved him and changed his clothes to his bathrobe.he drew his last breath and passed in his wifes arms. the whole two weeks though before that we stayed with him and took care of him making him as comfortable as we could.- okay im crying so hard now, cause i know what your going through and all you have left to endure. when your in your position you really see what life really is. it removes us from the real world , time just seems to stop. and you realize that its moments like this, birth and death that really define the true meaning of life. my heart and all my prayers go out to you and your family. may God give you grace,mercy,strength, and peace.
 
okay, sorry i didnt know that your mom had just been dianosed.i quit reading your post when i started crying too hard. in that case be really really fortuate that you have time left to enjoy her and perhaps she even has a chance of survial which if theres any , you need to focus just on that. alot of positiveness means everything to the mind. in my father in laws case, he never knew intill he was already very, very sick and the cancer was all through his body.
 
Thank you everyone. I appreciate all your prayers and thoughts more than you know. It's a very difficult time for my family and myself and every little bit of support helps, especially from BL. BL means a lot to me.
My deepest sympathies to all of those who have lost somebody close to them. I'm trying so hard to stay positive. I think it goes, hope for the best but expect the worst.
To update: my mother has thyroid cancer, her ovaries are covered with cysts (sp?) , she has colon cancer, has fibroids on her uterus, and is getting knee surgery on the 6th of July. Yeah, she's a mess but we've decided we're taking it one day at a time, one problem at a time.
Thank you again and please continue your thoughts and prayers. <3 you all.
 
Our fate concept is so causal, lacking in depth.
The pattern of which we all are a part is unfathomable in entirity; We find glimmers through reality's fractal waves. Surrendering to that mystery is to deny our individuality, my only defense against the pain that enwraps the world.
Why?
I don't know. When I think I know, hubris is usually to blame.
My father did not want to die. In his opinion he had many more things to do. In my opinion he had many more things to do. His pattern is a part of mine now, imbued within me by my love for him, and although not his exact pattern, his love for me is present. When I need him, he comes to me, touches my heart, helps me to cry and remember him. He remembers himself through my actions and expressions more and more, and thus he is enduring.
As my father's cancer progressed, and we became aware that we were doing his hospice care, and not his recovery care, I hoped to try and make his passing easier for him, to enable him to continue hoping as long as he could.
Be strong and know that you are a loving daughter, closer than most to their mothers. Let those who love you see your pain, so that we may give you strength when you need it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top