I want to log my experiences with the wonderful drug that is mdma. Sadly for me I think my days are over.
A little over 6 years ago I was introduced to mdma. I followed all the rules such as not going over 150mg per session and not to mix with alcohol. For a while things went well with the comedowns bareable. Fast forward a year I had a very bad experience where I may have taken too much on a particular occasion but I'm still not convinced the time I messed up was in fact mdma. Anyway time passed and I continued to use on average once a month however I was also drinking with it which tended to make me a mess, have blackouts and usually have week long comedowns.
I never learned though, I continued in this cycle. Sometimes things would be fine but more often than not I'd be an embarrassment. My partner does not like me doing it and it was getting to the stage on some nights out where I couldn't let go through fear of embarrassing my partner.
The past few years I have preferred to roll at home or leave a club early so I could fully let go at home. I would drink excessively and take more mdma than I should. Results would be I'd be a mess but would enjoy the experience. The next day and week would nearly always result in regret.
Fast forward to my last experience. Severely drunk on at least a bottle of wine and several beers I thought it would be a good idea to add mdma to the mix. I barely remember any of it. Cuts to the arms in the morning with no idea of why. Not sure how much I took but it was at least 3 pills although I think it may have been double that. Was that bad it was hard just to drink water the next day. I also experienced paranoia the next day when someone came to my door. I believe it was a politician canvassing for votes however I never answered. After I was convinced the police were actually the ones at the door. This was enough for me to get rid of any other mdma I had left. That night I was also convinced someone was trying to break in as I kept hearing noises. The following week was hell. Lethargic, blurry the usual sort of thing. Even now things feel strange.
In a nutshell I haven't respected mdma. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol with it and taking high doses more and more over time has resulted in my problems. I may also be sensitive to mdma but I never really know as I always drink on it. I hate the comedowns and always have regrets however I do enjoy getting on it. Part of me doesnt want to quit but I know that I should. I had actually cut down my use of mdma these past couple of years. Only generally using twice per year. However it was always heavy sessions and had got to the stage where I preferred to roll alone. Also since I first used I have thought about it every day. So nigh on 6 years of thinking about this substance everyday. It's not healthy! I dont actually know how to get out of this train of thought.
I no longer have the temptation as I got rid of my stash and thankfully I dont go out often, however as I says part of me doesnt want it to be the end so what happens next time I'm out and the temptation is there? Either way I know even if I was able to take smaller doses and no alcohol chances are I will still look a state all be it have a good time but have a week of hell afterwards. Everything points to it's not worth it anymore but it's getting to that point where I can think that way.
A little over 6 years ago I was introduced to mdma. I followed all the rules such as not going over 150mg per session and not to mix with alcohol. For a while things went well with the comedowns bareable. Fast forward a year I had a very bad experience where I may have taken too much on a particular occasion but I'm still not convinced the time I messed up was in fact mdma. Anyway time passed and I continued to use on average once a month however I was also drinking with it which tended to make me a mess, have blackouts and usually have week long comedowns.
I never learned though, I continued in this cycle. Sometimes things would be fine but more often than not I'd be an embarrassment. My partner does not like me doing it and it was getting to the stage on some nights out where I couldn't let go through fear of embarrassing my partner.
The past few years I have preferred to roll at home or leave a club early so I could fully let go at home. I would drink excessively and take more mdma than I should. Results would be I'd be a mess but would enjoy the experience. The next day and week would nearly always result in regret.
Fast forward to my last experience. Severely drunk on at least a bottle of wine and several beers I thought it would be a good idea to add mdma to the mix. I barely remember any of it. Cuts to the arms in the morning with no idea of why. Not sure how much I took but it was at least 3 pills although I think it may have been double that. Was that bad it was hard just to drink water the next day. I also experienced paranoia the next day when someone came to my door. I believe it was a politician canvassing for votes however I never answered. After I was convinced the police were actually the ones at the door. This was enough for me to get rid of any other mdma I had left. That night I was also convinced someone was trying to break in as I kept hearing noises. The following week was hell. Lethargic, blurry the usual sort of thing. Even now things feel strange.
In a nutshell I haven't respected mdma. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol with it and taking high doses more and more over time has resulted in my problems. I may also be sensitive to mdma but I never really know as I always drink on it. I hate the comedowns and always have regrets however I do enjoy getting on it. Part of me doesnt want to quit but I know that I should. I had actually cut down my use of mdma these past couple of years. Only generally using twice per year. However it was always heavy sessions and had got to the stage where I preferred to roll alone. Also since I first used I have thought about it every day. So nigh on 6 years of thinking about this substance everyday. It's not healthy! I dont actually know how to get out of this train of thought.
I no longer have the temptation as I got rid of my stash and thankfully I dont go out often, however as I says part of me doesnt want it to be the end so what happens next time I'm out and the temptation is there? Either way I know even if I was able to take smaller doses and no alcohol chances are I will still look a state all be it have a good time but have a week of hell afterwards. Everything points to it's not worth it anymore but it's getting to that point where I can think that way.
