Strongheart
Bluelighter
The year is 1993 and I was reading a lot about drugs that year, doing as much research as I could because I wanted to know more about the drug culture, how and why they create the effects that they do, the dangers as well as the positive effects they produce. I would spend countless hours in the public library reading books on drugs. My favorite was “From Chocolate to Morphine – Everything You Need to Know About Mind Altering Drugs” by Andrew Weil, M.D. It was like an encyclopedia of drugs. I had a computer at home as I was always into technology and used to drive up the telephone bill $200+ sometimes from dialing into the first beginnings of the internet at the time. They were mostly independent B.B.S.s’ (Bulletin Board Systems) that mostly hosted files and chat but had also started becoming gateways into the new realm of the internet and I would download and read more about drugs there. I was very interested in psychedelics and I wanted to experience what others have described. Then the time came when I was introduced to them.
I had turned 15 in April and my cousin lived in the next neighborhood over to mine. He was the same age and hung out with a large crew that varied in age from 13 to 30 years old. He would tell me about the latest and greatest fads and what not coming into the neighborhood. It was then he told me about LSD Microdots and blotter acid tabs. I had never done any drugs beside alcohol or cigarettes at this point. The first time I tripped we hung out and I took a microdot that was white and the size of this letter O ..I was very anxious and nervous that I would not be able to control myself, but fortunately it was very weak, just enough to make us laugh, dilate our pupils and have a good time. It was perfect for my first trip.
Fast forward a few weeks later….
It’s a spring Friday evening on the streets of Queens New York. I had my dark blue gene jacket on. I was always a metal head, one of the few who hung out with this crew my cousin was a regular of. It’s almost 8 P.M. and we meet at the park that is across the street from his house. It is the park that is behind the local high school and was a frequent hangout spot for the crew of people from around the neighborhood to drink cases of beer, get high and hang out all night in large numbers. My cousin calls the dude who I still see once and a while to this day. He was that main dude in Queens and almost everyone who did LSD knew him. He drops off two blotter acid tabs that are light blue and have Felix the cat laughing on them. I take one and my cousin takes the other. We are with about 5 people and more and more are showing up. It is about 8:30 and our group decides its time to go to the local beer distributor and get a case and split off from the main group and head to another park a few blocks away.
As we are walking to another park close by there are now about 8 of us and two of the other guys are walking behind us holding the cases on their shoulders. As I am walking I look up at the sky and notice how clear the night is, and the stars are shining bright. We are getting close to the park and now I decide to look up again and there are even more stars than before. It was mesmerizing but I didn’t have time to keep looking as we are starting to cross streets.
I start noticing how there are a few weird characters in the neighborhood and they stand out more than usual. We finally get to the park behind the school at about 9 P.M.. We are sitting on the rear entrance of the schools stairs. The building is red and there are cement faces all along the upper wall of the school wrapping around the whole school. The trip is coming on stronger and we are all having a good time. My cousin and I are the only ones tripping. Everyone else is drinking and smoking weed.
One friend says so are you guys feeling the acid yet? We nod yes with a big smile on our faces and we are joking around talking as usual. Then I look up at the sky again and the amount of stars shining are immense. I have never seen so many stars in my life especially in the city with all of the light pollution. Every time I look up there is more and more and I feel as though I am able to see deeper into space.
Then another friend says hey you wanna go on an adventure? And he starts waving his hands in front of my eyes faster and faster and I am starting to ramp up. He is telling me to imagine that I am running through the forest at night and I’m running faster and faster and faster and oh no dart to the left and avoid this tree, now jump to the right to avoid another tree, keep running. Faster, faster until you smack into a tree and he taps my head with his palm and it feels as if in slow motion my head leans back and I am looking at the sky and now there are even more stars and I am completely mesmerized and telling them how awesome that just was and it like I really was running through the woods while staring into the sky. Everyone is laughing and got a good laugh out of it cause they know its my first trip.
Then I start looking at the red walls. The walls and shadows are dancing and it looks freaky cause I can see the shadows of the graffiti that used to be on the walls even though they painted over it. Then the same friend tells me to look up at the faces, I like to look at them when Im tripping, they smile and frown at you…and that’s exactly what they were doing. They looked so animated. Then my cousin tells me to snap out of it before I start wigging out and we all get quiet and are just chillin and theres a little chatter going on and out of no where this group of like 8 Indian kids are racing their bikes toward the exit of the fence that is by us but they cant see us because the wall from the school is blocking them and we cant see them. We just hear a bunch of kids screaming laa laaa laaa laaa laaa laaa and they pop out of no where on their bikes and they see us and get real quiet and embarrassed and pedal out of the school yard and we all look to each other and crack up and laugh our asses off.
Then this kid comes to the park we all know, and my cousin used to tell me all of the time how he would always come to the park and bring problems with him, cops chasing, other people starting fights etc.. or always telling these crazy and fucked up stories. So I’m tripping hard now and low and be hold he starts talking about this really fucked up shit and goes on to say how his dad died and all this crazy shit that happened to him and I look at my cousin and see him shook his head and said “never fails,.. It never fails”, we just look at each other and instead of being compassionate like I normally would be or just try to understand what’s up with this kid, we just start laughing at each other, more and more, harder and harder and the kid says, :why are they laughing? I’m talking about all this stuff and they are just laughing” and our friends are like “don’t mind them dude they are tripping off of some tabs.” So he’s like oh ok guys I didn’t know you were tripping, id probably be laughing too, so I come to cause I know it’s messed up and say “nah man I’m sorry I’m just tripping right now and that’s really messed up what you’re going through. “
Now it is about 11:30 and it’s our usual curfew. So my cousin and I say our goodbyes to everyone and he walks me to the halfway point towards my house where we always meet up. We slap each others hand and he asks me if I’m going to be ok. I tell him I’ll make it home fine, I look both ways and make sure there are no cars and run across the street since there were trails coming off of everything. The next day my cousin tells me how worried he was when he was walking the whole way home cause of the way he saw me run across the street and hoped I made it ok.
So now I’m walking home alone and at my peak and everything is trails but I can still make sense of it all, I am finally at my house and I go in through the back door to avoid everyone and I remember thinking, fuck it Ill just say I was drinking a little if anyone suspects anything and I wont sweat it. I get to my room and strip to my underwear and switch on the T.V. I turn on Dave Letterman. It is wild because the hallucinations are vivid. He’s laughing and talking with some guest and his voice sounds like it is a tape recorder slowing down very slow and then returning to normal and then speeding up in pitch and going back. The screen is starting to freeze and get really square and pixilated. Then comes this car commercial with the car driving on the highway with trees on both sides. Holy shit, now I’m really seeing hallucinations, the trees are staying on the screen in one place barely moving while the car is driving through.
Then Conan O’brian comes on and I’m laughing my ass off at his skits. Then he is interviewing Tom Arnold and this dude is coked out of his mind, grinding his jaw away and talking so fast telling a story of how he used to work at the Fulton fish market gutting fish and cutting off the heads and doing the hand motions and everything while Conan is laughing his ass off in disbelief at how he is describing the gutting of the fish. Holy shit, I am in tears laughing and enjoying it all cause they are having such a good time talking with each other. Then the show is over and I switch off the TV. I decide to lay in my bed in the dark and try to relax and go to sleep but it aint happenin. I look at my red LED digital alarm clock and see what looks like tubes waving back and forth in front of it. I lay on my back and close my eyes and see a myriad of colors and shapes and I am enjoying it the kaleidoscopic effects.
Now I start thinking and reality sets in. The real world is starting to come back to me now that the entertainment of T.V. is no longer taking me away from it and no longer keeping me company. Then I start thinking about High School and how Monday is only a few days away and the party will end then. I am starting to get depressed. I am starting to think “what the fuck is the point of this life? Why am I here, why am I here? WHY? What’s the point of this life, this is not how we should be living, there’s something seriously wrong here. Why am I going to school? Its like a job but I’m not getting paid. I have to be there at 8 am Monday and leave at 3 PM. It takes me an hour by train to get to SOHO NYC where my High school is and an hour to come back home. I hate the time it takes. I can’t stand the train and most of the derelicts who get on it acting all crazy.
Why is anyone doing this? What’s the point? I am going to school and hoping to make it to Friday as soon as possible and for what? For two lousy days off? Saturday and Sunday and then I have to go back to the same redundant bull shit? Whats the point? FOR WHAT? So then I can go to college, get into student loan debt, and do the same thing in anticipation for the weekend days off? Why as people, we are all connected and one, are we all wasting our time this way? Then I have to go to work at some job making someone else money and work until my days off on the weekends until I retire? What’s the point of living life this way? We are not meant to spend our valuable time on this planet like hamsters on a wheel. What is the meaning of life?
I am thinking this over and over and trying to make sense of it all, and it’s totally bumming me out laying there in the dark thinking about how this is my future. This is how most people have to live day in and day out. What is the meaning of life if we are wasting our valuable time doing this? Something has to give, there has to be more to it than this. Eventually I start to grow restless and I start tossing and turning and I am very upset that this is how my life is going to be. Eventually I remember something my cousin said earlier, he warned me that if I get a thought stuck in my head while tripping that it will ruin my whole night and I’ll get all wigged out and to just try to think of anything else and steer your mind in another direction, so I do that and eventually I fall asleep as the sun starts to peek through my window.
I wake up feeling refreshed and go over last night and how much fun we had, but have that though in my mind still. Its like they say, once you open those doors in your mind and learn those things, sometimes there is no shutting them again, sometimes you cant forget. I am eager to tell my friends who never did acid about it and they are mesmerized.
And that was the trip that started it all. That’s what opened my mind and was the beginning of the road to experimenting with mind and body altering substances. It was a fun night and I had a wonderful time. I have tripped many times afterwards and I have to say psychedelics will always be a favorite.
8/01/2011
I had turned 15 in April and my cousin lived in the next neighborhood over to mine. He was the same age and hung out with a large crew that varied in age from 13 to 30 years old. He would tell me about the latest and greatest fads and what not coming into the neighborhood. It was then he told me about LSD Microdots and blotter acid tabs. I had never done any drugs beside alcohol or cigarettes at this point. The first time I tripped we hung out and I took a microdot that was white and the size of this letter O ..I was very anxious and nervous that I would not be able to control myself, but fortunately it was very weak, just enough to make us laugh, dilate our pupils and have a good time. It was perfect for my first trip.
Fast forward a few weeks later….
It’s a spring Friday evening on the streets of Queens New York. I had my dark blue gene jacket on. I was always a metal head, one of the few who hung out with this crew my cousin was a regular of. It’s almost 8 P.M. and we meet at the park that is across the street from his house. It is the park that is behind the local high school and was a frequent hangout spot for the crew of people from around the neighborhood to drink cases of beer, get high and hang out all night in large numbers. My cousin calls the dude who I still see once and a while to this day. He was that main dude in Queens and almost everyone who did LSD knew him. He drops off two blotter acid tabs that are light blue and have Felix the cat laughing on them. I take one and my cousin takes the other. We are with about 5 people and more and more are showing up. It is about 8:30 and our group decides its time to go to the local beer distributor and get a case and split off from the main group and head to another park a few blocks away.
As we are walking to another park close by there are now about 8 of us and two of the other guys are walking behind us holding the cases on their shoulders. As I am walking I look up at the sky and notice how clear the night is, and the stars are shining bright. We are getting close to the park and now I decide to look up again and there are even more stars than before. It was mesmerizing but I didn’t have time to keep looking as we are starting to cross streets.
I start noticing how there are a few weird characters in the neighborhood and they stand out more than usual. We finally get to the park behind the school at about 9 P.M.. We are sitting on the rear entrance of the schools stairs. The building is red and there are cement faces all along the upper wall of the school wrapping around the whole school. The trip is coming on stronger and we are all having a good time. My cousin and I are the only ones tripping. Everyone else is drinking and smoking weed.
One friend says so are you guys feeling the acid yet? We nod yes with a big smile on our faces and we are joking around talking as usual. Then I look up at the sky again and the amount of stars shining are immense. I have never seen so many stars in my life especially in the city with all of the light pollution. Every time I look up there is more and more and I feel as though I am able to see deeper into space.
Then another friend says hey you wanna go on an adventure? And he starts waving his hands in front of my eyes faster and faster and I am starting to ramp up. He is telling me to imagine that I am running through the forest at night and I’m running faster and faster and faster and oh no dart to the left and avoid this tree, now jump to the right to avoid another tree, keep running. Faster, faster until you smack into a tree and he taps my head with his palm and it feels as if in slow motion my head leans back and I am looking at the sky and now there are even more stars and I am completely mesmerized and telling them how awesome that just was and it like I really was running through the woods while staring into the sky. Everyone is laughing and got a good laugh out of it cause they know its my first trip.
Then I start looking at the red walls. The walls and shadows are dancing and it looks freaky cause I can see the shadows of the graffiti that used to be on the walls even though they painted over it. Then the same friend tells me to look up at the faces, I like to look at them when Im tripping, they smile and frown at you…and that’s exactly what they were doing. They looked so animated. Then my cousin tells me to snap out of it before I start wigging out and we all get quiet and are just chillin and theres a little chatter going on and out of no where this group of like 8 Indian kids are racing their bikes toward the exit of the fence that is by us but they cant see us because the wall from the school is blocking them and we cant see them. We just hear a bunch of kids screaming laa laaa laaa laaa laaa laaa and they pop out of no where on their bikes and they see us and get real quiet and embarrassed and pedal out of the school yard and we all look to each other and crack up and laugh our asses off.
Then this kid comes to the park we all know, and my cousin used to tell me all of the time how he would always come to the park and bring problems with him, cops chasing, other people starting fights etc.. or always telling these crazy and fucked up stories. So I’m tripping hard now and low and be hold he starts talking about this really fucked up shit and goes on to say how his dad died and all this crazy shit that happened to him and I look at my cousin and see him shook his head and said “never fails,.. It never fails”, we just look at each other and instead of being compassionate like I normally would be or just try to understand what’s up with this kid, we just start laughing at each other, more and more, harder and harder and the kid says, :why are they laughing? I’m talking about all this stuff and they are just laughing” and our friends are like “don’t mind them dude they are tripping off of some tabs.” So he’s like oh ok guys I didn’t know you were tripping, id probably be laughing too, so I come to cause I know it’s messed up and say “nah man I’m sorry I’m just tripping right now and that’s really messed up what you’re going through. “
Now it is about 11:30 and it’s our usual curfew. So my cousin and I say our goodbyes to everyone and he walks me to the halfway point towards my house where we always meet up. We slap each others hand and he asks me if I’m going to be ok. I tell him I’ll make it home fine, I look both ways and make sure there are no cars and run across the street since there were trails coming off of everything. The next day my cousin tells me how worried he was when he was walking the whole way home cause of the way he saw me run across the street and hoped I made it ok.
So now I’m walking home alone and at my peak and everything is trails but I can still make sense of it all, I am finally at my house and I go in through the back door to avoid everyone and I remember thinking, fuck it Ill just say I was drinking a little if anyone suspects anything and I wont sweat it. I get to my room and strip to my underwear and switch on the T.V. I turn on Dave Letterman. It is wild because the hallucinations are vivid. He’s laughing and talking with some guest and his voice sounds like it is a tape recorder slowing down very slow and then returning to normal and then speeding up in pitch and going back. The screen is starting to freeze and get really square and pixilated. Then comes this car commercial with the car driving on the highway with trees on both sides. Holy shit, now I’m really seeing hallucinations, the trees are staying on the screen in one place barely moving while the car is driving through.
Then Conan O’brian comes on and I’m laughing my ass off at his skits. Then he is interviewing Tom Arnold and this dude is coked out of his mind, grinding his jaw away and talking so fast telling a story of how he used to work at the Fulton fish market gutting fish and cutting off the heads and doing the hand motions and everything while Conan is laughing his ass off in disbelief at how he is describing the gutting of the fish. Holy shit, I am in tears laughing and enjoying it all cause they are having such a good time talking with each other. Then the show is over and I switch off the TV. I decide to lay in my bed in the dark and try to relax and go to sleep but it aint happenin. I look at my red LED digital alarm clock and see what looks like tubes waving back and forth in front of it. I lay on my back and close my eyes and see a myriad of colors and shapes and I am enjoying it the kaleidoscopic effects.
Now I start thinking and reality sets in. The real world is starting to come back to me now that the entertainment of T.V. is no longer taking me away from it and no longer keeping me company. Then I start thinking about High School and how Monday is only a few days away and the party will end then. I am starting to get depressed. I am starting to think “what the fuck is the point of this life? Why am I here, why am I here? WHY? What’s the point of this life, this is not how we should be living, there’s something seriously wrong here. Why am I going to school? Its like a job but I’m not getting paid. I have to be there at 8 am Monday and leave at 3 PM. It takes me an hour by train to get to SOHO NYC where my High school is and an hour to come back home. I hate the time it takes. I can’t stand the train and most of the derelicts who get on it acting all crazy.
Why is anyone doing this? What’s the point? I am going to school and hoping to make it to Friday as soon as possible and for what? For two lousy days off? Saturday and Sunday and then I have to go back to the same redundant bull shit? Whats the point? FOR WHAT? So then I can go to college, get into student loan debt, and do the same thing in anticipation for the weekend days off? Why as people, we are all connected and one, are we all wasting our time this way? Then I have to go to work at some job making someone else money and work until my days off on the weekends until I retire? What’s the point of living life this way? We are not meant to spend our valuable time on this planet like hamsters on a wheel. What is the meaning of life?
I am thinking this over and over and trying to make sense of it all, and it’s totally bumming me out laying there in the dark thinking about how this is my future. This is how most people have to live day in and day out. What is the meaning of life if we are wasting our valuable time doing this? Something has to give, there has to be more to it than this. Eventually I start to grow restless and I start tossing and turning and I am very upset that this is how my life is going to be. Eventually I remember something my cousin said earlier, he warned me that if I get a thought stuck in my head while tripping that it will ruin my whole night and I’ll get all wigged out and to just try to think of anything else and steer your mind in another direction, so I do that and eventually I fall asleep as the sun starts to peek through my window.
I wake up feeling refreshed and go over last night and how much fun we had, but have that though in my mind still. Its like they say, once you open those doors in your mind and learn those things, sometimes there is no shutting them again, sometimes you cant forget. I am eager to tell my friends who never did acid about it and they are mesmerized.
And that was the trip that started it all. That’s what opened my mind and was the beginning of the road to experimenting with mind and body altering substances. It was a fun night and I had a wonderful time. I have tripped many times afterwards and I have to say psychedelics will always be a favorite.
8/01/2011
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