Every day I hear from him, though we haven't seen each other in 8 yrs. I love the hot cyber and who knows maybe I'll even get some great sex again if he manages to fly out here from Dublin soon. I hadn't sent anything like that to anyone in 8 yrs and he was the last person I sent it to. I haven't had the pleasure of REAL sex in so long, and the thought of making love with a lover that I know for a fact isn't a dud in bed is a turn on.
If I can't have a man that wants to take his time, then I'd rather have no sex at all. I'm not counting on getting any soon, but since 90% of sex is mental anyway, the cyber will do because I'm turned on by his mind. He writes me dirty letters all the time, but with class, and he's also sweet. The memories of our week together 8 yrs ago in Dublin are a big help, but I do know that if I ever DO get another chance with either him or perhaps maybe some day someone that might really be in love with me....I know that sex this time around will be better than before.
Talking and writing to John Doe made me realize that I was doing things that I wasn't even aware of, like deliberatly putting up walls between myself and others so that I don't get hurt. I've had problems communicating directly to others in the past as well, because I was often times afraid of what their reaction would be, but I've gotten and still getting a lot better. This is so weird too, that if by chance John Doe hadn't of IMed me to say hi after so long on the night I'd taken X, it would have been a short, polite conversation. I'd not have had much to say to him, but the X brought out only positive memories and qualities
in the past with others, the bad ones 4given and overlooked, which is good, but still, Christ I did lay it on thick, the flowery poetic talk as if I were Juliette seranading Romeo or something. Sober I'd never dare do that, and actually that probably was a bit unappropriate, but it all came out, how he made me feel when we had been together, and how I loved looking into his eyes, being quite the charmer. I didn't expect anything to come of it, I merely spoke my mind uninhibited and with love. Not just to him, but to every one who happened to hit me up that night. There was Mom, Aimee, Erik, and then John Doe. Each person I spoke to I told them how beautiful they were and that I loved them.
That's not always a good thing though, obviously. A girl could get into trouble spreading love to the wrong person or people, but in the case of John, I'm glad I wasn't sober the night he IMed me otherwise I wouldn't be talking to him now. He asked me for very intimate type of pictures, so I took some off my cell phone, but before I did anything, I sent him a picture of my cat along with this email:
Hi baby here's an old pussy pic. I had a hard time shaving, you'll see why when you look, but hope you like it. Love, Tanya
That sounds completely sophomoric, but I get a childish kick out of imagining the look he'll get on his face when he opens it only to find a picture of a big, huge, furry, cat, haha. I enjoy being silly sometimes.
If I can't have a man that wants to take his time, then I'd rather have no sex at all. I'm not counting on getting any soon, but since 90% of sex is mental anyway, the cyber will do because I'm turned on by his mind. He writes me dirty letters all the time, but with class, and he's also sweet. The memories of our week together 8 yrs ago in Dublin are a big help, but I do know that if I ever DO get another chance with either him or perhaps maybe some day someone that might really be in love with me....I know that sex this time around will be better than before.
Talking and writing to John Doe made me realize that I was doing things that I wasn't even aware of, like deliberatly putting up walls between myself and others so that I don't get hurt. I've had problems communicating directly to others in the past as well, because I was often times afraid of what their reaction would be, but I've gotten and still getting a lot better. This is so weird too, that if by chance John Doe hadn't of IMed me to say hi after so long on the night I'd taken X, it would have been a short, polite conversation. I'd not have had much to say to him, but the X brought out only positive memories and qualities
in the past with others, the bad ones 4given and overlooked, which is good, but still, Christ I did lay it on thick, the flowery poetic talk as if I were Juliette seranading Romeo or something. Sober I'd never dare do that, and actually that probably was a bit unappropriate, but it all came out, how he made me feel when we had been together, and how I loved looking into his eyes, being quite the charmer. I didn't expect anything to come of it, I merely spoke my mind uninhibited and with love. Not just to him, but to every one who happened to hit me up that night. There was Mom, Aimee, Erik, and then John Doe. Each person I spoke to I told them how beautiful they were and that I loved them.
That's not always a good thing though, obviously. A girl could get into trouble spreading love to the wrong person or people, but in the case of John, I'm glad I wasn't sober the night he IMed me otherwise I wouldn't be talking to him now. He asked me for very intimate type of pictures, so I took some off my cell phone, but before I did anything, I sent him a picture of my cat along with this email:
Hi baby here's an old pussy pic. I had a hard time shaving, you'll see why when you look, but hope you like it. Love, Tanya
That sounds completely sophomoric, but I get a childish kick out of imagining the look he'll get on his face when he opens it only to find a picture of a big, huge, furry, cat, haha. I enjoy being silly sometimes.