Now in fact I basically agree with much of his outlook on life. It's often ugly, brutish, painful, boring and then we die. We are basically killing, ripping and tearing, devouring compost making machines that are designed to do that until we reproduce and die so our offspring can follow suit, lol. But IMO that's no reason to make it worse by using and hurting others.
So very true.
Cosmic Trigger - your life style is my dream - I would love to be self sustaining in nature away from civilization. If my health maintains, those are my retirement plans.
OP - there is no discernible purpose to life. To me it seems that it is a situation of waiting out the clock. I have bouts of depression and frequently feel that way.
I am an intelligent individual that did do the excellerated path through high school. I even took college course at night and worked. I could have obtained my undergraduate degree in two years, but I got heavily into drugs and alcohol, as a means to escape my OCD and depression. It took my five years to get a useless degree in philosophy, which 15 years later I am still paying the student loans on. I pissed away brilliant research opportunity, an Air Force career as I obtained the converted pilots slot while at university, and high level software engineering jobs. I am 39 and essentially starting over, this time with a different attitude.
We make choices in our youth out of ignorance, regardless of you intelligence level, it happens. I can relate to so much of what you wrote. Please focus on your mental health. See a therapist and try to determine the root cause of your depression, and find solutions that work for you. If you can make progress in that one area, tthe other aspects of your life will improve. Somehow force yourself to muster up the energy to take that first step, and after that just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Be patient, and be gentle with yourself. You are still young, and have so much opportunity waiting for you. What you did or did not so in your teenage years is not as important as what you do now.
Life is what you make of it. Personally, I think most people suck but I have come to realize that most people are just as self absorbed as I am, and really don't care about me or my life. Somehow realizing that has made me feel better and more connected. We are all in the same circumstance. I didn't understand how other people were so happy and had so much fun. I decided to make a lot of friends on Facebook with people from high school and college, regardless of if I liked them so I could study their lives. Really, their lives are just as boring as mine, it's just all about your attitude and how proactive you are in passing your time. For me, I wake up early and go to bed early. I take ballroom dance lessons in the evening during the week, I golf, garden, and dance on the weekends. I work 40 hours a week doing the daily grind, but I bought a house on the golf course 10 minutes from the ocean so I have quick access to what I love. Is it exciting, to most people I think I would be considered boring, but I enjoy it. Through these activities I have met other people will similar interest and can now socialize when I want to. When I have a bad day I try to examine what specifically I can do to make my future says better, and change what I can. I am going back to school to get the career I want. My lifestyle is 100% dependent on me, as is my happiness, and it all started getting better when I forced myself to focus on my mental health.
I also wanted to add, try to get outside everyday for a little while and get some sunshine. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that may help improve your mood and give you enough motivation to take the first step. I wish you the best, I know the place you're at right now and it sucks. Good luck to you!
