thebutcher
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2013
- Messages
- 6
Hello all,
Where to start.. Im 28 and since i was 18 I started experiencing with drugs, before than i had been drunk maybe once. I went to college and joined a fraternity, I started smoking cigarettes because I thought it was cool and found that I could drink a lot and not act a fool like most others did. I quickly realized the Fraternity was not for me and quit, but from it I met my best friend and started on the journey that would become my downfall.
My friend had broken his femur before we met and was on all sorts of medication but tramadol was his favorite. We hung out all the time at the university because we lived in the dorms and when we were at home we lived just a couple blocks from one another. I would take a few tramadol and play Halo all night and really enjoyed the euphoria and the confidence they made me feel. I started taking them every time we would hang out and then started stealing a handful when i would go home. At this point I started smoking weed daily and trying out other drugs, the first time i did cocaine was off a cowboy mirror in my buddys dorm with a couple girls, i felt like my throat close up but enjoyed the wirey feeling, we ran out and I instantly wanted more but had no money.
The next day was the most depressed I had ever felt in my life, I remember crying like a baby. I did coke once more a couple months later and had the same experience, all the while taking tramadol now daily. This went on for a couple years until one christmas break i went home and my brother was living there with his friend from work and the friend took my room so i was on the couch, they always had my door locked and i was bored one day after my girl left and went in. They were smoking foilies of coke and offered it up, I smoked a couple sheets and got that same old nasty wirey feeling, my brother than asked his friend to let me try the "black". I was scared to try it honestly but willing because of how the coke made me feel, so I smoked a hit of heroin and felt amazing. They would go meet a dealer everyday and since they were broke junkies they needed my car and money in exchange they would get me a bag of heroin and three bags of coke. This lasted about a month until stuff started missing from my house, the fool my brother let in stole every posession I owned including my gun and fly fishing collection that was handed down to me after my uncle died unexpectadly. I lost it and his friend was gone and so were the drugs.
I went to work the next day and was complaining to a coworker about how I felt and she offered me percocet, little did I know she was a dealer and so started my oxy and roxicet addiction. I was making a lot of money at the time and would usually buy 10 or so oc 80s and 30 perc 30s a week and stay high all the time. The pills made my anxiety bad so i got prescribed xanax and would sit in my study until 5 in the morning snorting pills, mixing them and forming massive rails in designs all over my desk. My girlfriend at the time moved in with me and thought i would outgrow the stupid behaviour. I didnt.
We broke up and I moved in with a friend and left everything and the apartment to her, i had cheated on her and felt like i didnt deserve the genuine love she gave me. I slowly reduced my habit to 3 norcos a day when my ex called my mom and told her how bad i was, noone in my family apart from my opiate addicted brother even had a clue. They sent me home to Alaska to stay with my dad for a month, i kicked for a week and sought out a doctor to help me, he prescribed naltrexone. I must have taken it to soon because when i did it prescipitated withdrawals and I went into convulsions. I was talking to my brother and he said he would send me suboxone, claiming it was a miracle drug, yeah right. I started taking suboxone and was soon hooked, i used for 6 months and after another bad breakup decided to get off it. I experienced awful withdrawals and my brother, who I now lived with, was a heroin and coke addict and also sold perc 30s out of our apartment so the drugs were always around. So that started my heroin addiction, my new girlfriend was an ex addict and would stay with me tuesdays and wednesdays so on those days we would pick up a few hundred dollars worth of coke and heroin, mostly coke. Then we agreed to only use those two days, well i used everyday and just a lot more on the days with her. The relationship ended because I wanted to get clean and she didnt, so i got back on suboxone and started drinking again. This lasted about three months and i lost my job because I did heroin one day after being on suboxone those three days and went into work very messed up. I then continued using and pawning everything i owned to support my habit. I eventually hit rock bottom, living in a drug den with my brother and sadder than fuck. Then i met Emily.
I really liked this girl, she was beautiful, smart and naive to the drug world. My brother went to jail and I couldnt afford the place alone so i moved in with my moms, at this point i am 24 and have been using for six years. I continued to smoke heroin daily and was using unemplyment checks and hooking people up with drugs to support my habit. After living at home for over a year my girlfriend was getting fed up and called me to come over and have a "talk". This is when i told her about my addiction and my desire to get clean, she stuck by me not fully understanding what she was getting into. I felt worthless and like i had nothing so i started selling heroin, I made a lot of money and moved into a new place with my girlfriend, she was not so naive at this point anymore. She knew the smell of heroin and it got so hard to conceal it i started injecting. She would sleep late in the mornings so i would leave, score and be back home high as a kite hours before she woke up. We moved into a new place after she found syringes and wanted a fresh start. I continued to Iv heroin until February of this year, her sister came to visit and witnessed me breaking down after my girlfriend discovered my stash and flushed it. I told her I would get clean to prove I could, at this point we had been together 3 1/2 years. I go Cold turkey and holy shit, It was the absolute worst experience of my life but at the same time I hadnt felt real or connected with life anymore on the drugs and now all these emotions were coming up. I started eating right and running each morning, and started a drug journal.
After three weeks i relapsed thinking i could do just one to give myself a break, in those three weeks i maybe slept 30 minutes a night. I soon was back to my same injection routine and started to steal to support my habit. I lost my job i had just gotten because i slept through my shift and decided i needed to change my life. On june 1st i moved to california and my Dad met me there and we travelled up the cost on a mission to save me as he said. I went through withdrawals from benzos and opiates and tried to keep a positive attitude, i mean after all i was with my Dad who i missed severely and living the life, he retired two years ago so we lived it up, sober. In july we went to the house my grandfather built and stayed there. The property is large and was once beautiful but after 20 years to the foliage it was massively overgrown. So started my two months of hard labor, each day i would get up at 6 and would get to work, i formed a routine, I shattered my phone and cut off all contact with anyone in my life who used drugs after I got a call that my fourth friend had died from an overdose, I just couldnt hear about drugs or think about that life anymore.
Four months and a week clean and sober today! It has been the best thing that i have ever done for myself and my greatest battle, I had faced a demon that had me by the balls and defeated it. The support from my family, beautiful girlfriend, and my hard work and desire to quit has led me to grow up and become a man at 28. I have now been back home for a month and truly see the world in a different way. I do not have any shred of desire to go back to my old ways because they were such a sad and dark time, I know that as long as I dont ever take another hard drug or any type of pharmecutical that my life will continue to be this amazing. Throughout it all i have kept up with college even though i could only maintain two classes a semester I have now been back in school for the past 3 years and will be getting my degree in geosciences and soon after my geological engineering degree which i have secured a scholorship for because of my high gpa.
I realize that this is a novel and these boring life stories are all to common but I have never written it down and wanted to share that the other side of active addiction is heaven on earth and that life is hard enough without all the mind numming meds we are fed and told are cool, what a lie that life was.
Where to start.. Im 28 and since i was 18 I started experiencing with drugs, before than i had been drunk maybe once. I went to college and joined a fraternity, I started smoking cigarettes because I thought it was cool and found that I could drink a lot and not act a fool like most others did. I quickly realized the Fraternity was not for me and quit, but from it I met my best friend and started on the journey that would become my downfall.
My friend had broken his femur before we met and was on all sorts of medication but tramadol was his favorite. We hung out all the time at the university because we lived in the dorms and when we were at home we lived just a couple blocks from one another. I would take a few tramadol and play Halo all night and really enjoyed the euphoria and the confidence they made me feel. I started taking them every time we would hang out and then started stealing a handful when i would go home. At this point I started smoking weed daily and trying out other drugs, the first time i did cocaine was off a cowboy mirror in my buddys dorm with a couple girls, i felt like my throat close up but enjoyed the wirey feeling, we ran out and I instantly wanted more but had no money.
The next day was the most depressed I had ever felt in my life, I remember crying like a baby. I did coke once more a couple months later and had the same experience, all the while taking tramadol now daily. This went on for a couple years until one christmas break i went home and my brother was living there with his friend from work and the friend took my room so i was on the couch, they always had my door locked and i was bored one day after my girl left and went in. They were smoking foilies of coke and offered it up, I smoked a couple sheets and got that same old nasty wirey feeling, my brother than asked his friend to let me try the "black". I was scared to try it honestly but willing because of how the coke made me feel, so I smoked a hit of heroin and felt amazing. They would go meet a dealer everyday and since they were broke junkies they needed my car and money in exchange they would get me a bag of heroin and three bags of coke. This lasted about a month until stuff started missing from my house, the fool my brother let in stole every posession I owned including my gun and fly fishing collection that was handed down to me after my uncle died unexpectadly. I lost it and his friend was gone and so were the drugs.
I went to work the next day and was complaining to a coworker about how I felt and she offered me percocet, little did I know she was a dealer and so started my oxy and roxicet addiction. I was making a lot of money at the time and would usually buy 10 or so oc 80s and 30 perc 30s a week and stay high all the time. The pills made my anxiety bad so i got prescribed xanax and would sit in my study until 5 in the morning snorting pills, mixing them and forming massive rails in designs all over my desk. My girlfriend at the time moved in with me and thought i would outgrow the stupid behaviour. I didnt.
We broke up and I moved in with a friend and left everything and the apartment to her, i had cheated on her and felt like i didnt deserve the genuine love she gave me. I slowly reduced my habit to 3 norcos a day when my ex called my mom and told her how bad i was, noone in my family apart from my opiate addicted brother even had a clue. They sent me home to Alaska to stay with my dad for a month, i kicked for a week and sought out a doctor to help me, he prescribed naltrexone. I must have taken it to soon because when i did it prescipitated withdrawals and I went into convulsions. I was talking to my brother and he said he would send me suboxone, claiming it was a miracle drug, yeah right. I started taking suboxone and was soon hooked, i used for 6 months and after another bad breakup decided to get off it. I experienced awful withdrawals and my brother, who I now lived with, was a heroin and coke addict and also sold perc 30s out of our apartment so the drugs were always around. So that started my heroin addiction, my new girlfriend was an ex addict and would stay with me tuesdays and wednesdays so on those days we would pick up a few hundred dollars worth of coke and heroin, mostly coke. Then we agreed to only use those two days, well i used everyday and just a lot more on the days with her. The relationship ended because I wanted to get clean and she didnt, so i got back on suboxone and started drinking again. This lasted about three months and i lost my job because I did heroin one day after being on suboxone those three days and went into work very messed up. I then continued using and pawning everything i owned to support my habit. I eventually hit rock bottom, living in a drug den with my brother and sadder than fuck. Then i met Emily.
I really liked this girl, she was beautiful, smart and naive to the drug world. My brother went to jail and I couldnt afford the place alone so i moved in with my moms, at this point i am 24 and have been using for six years. I continued to smoke heroin daily and was using unemplyment checks and hooking people up with drugs to support my habit. After living at home for over a year my girlfriend was getting fed up and called me to come over and have a "talk". This is when i told her about my addiction and my desire to get clean, she stuck by me not fully understanding what she was getting into. I felt worthless and like i had nothing so i started selling heroin, I made a lot of money and moved into a new place with my girlfriend, she was not so naive at this point anymore. She knew the smell of heroin and it got so hard to conceal it i started injecting. She would sleep late in the mornings so i would leave, score and be back home high as a kite hours before she woke up. We moved into a new place after she found syringes and wanted a fresh start. I continued to Iv heroin until February of this year, her sister came to visit and witnessed me breaking down after my girlfriend discovered my stash and flushed it. I told her I would get clean to prove I could, at this point we had been together 3 1/2 years. I go Cold turkey and holy shit, It was the absolute worst experience of my life but at the same time I hadnt felt real or connected with life anymore on the drugs and now all these emotions were coming up. I started eating right and running each morning, and started a drug journal.
After three weeks i relapsed thinking i could do just one to give myself a break, in those three weeks i maybe slept 30 minutes a night. I soon was back to my same injection routine and started to steal to support my habit. I lost my job i had just gotten because i slept through my shift and decided i needed to change my life. On june 1st i moved to california and my Dad met me there and we travelled up the cost on a mission to save me as he said. I went through withdrawals from benzos and opiates and tried to keep a positive attitude, i mean after all i was with my Dad who i missed severely and living the life, he retired two years ago so we lived it up, sober. In july we went to the house my grandfather built and stayed there. The property is large and was once beautiful but after 20 years to the foliage it was massively overgrown. So started my two months of hard labor, each day i would get up at 6 and would get to work, i formed a routine, I shattered my phone and cut off all contact with anyone in my life who used drugs after I got a call that my fourth friend had died from an overdose, I just couldnt hear about drugs or think about that life anymore.
Four months and a week clean and sober today! It has been the best thing that i have ever done for myself and my greatest battle, I had faced a demon that had me by the balls and defeated it. The support from my family, beautiful girlfriend, and my hard work and desire to quit has led me to grow up and become a man at 28. I have now been back home for a month and truly see the world in a different way. I do not have any shred of desire to go back to my old ways because they were such a sad and dark time, I know that as long as I dont ever take another hard drug or any type of pharmecutical that my life will continue to be this amazing. Throughout it all i have kept up with college even though i could only maintain two classes a semester I have now been back in school for the past 3 years and will be getting my degree in geosciences and soon after my geological engineering degree which i have secured a scholorship for because of my high gpa.
I realize that this is a novel and these boring life stories are all to common but I have never written it down and wanted to share that the other side of active addiction is heaven on earth and that life is hard enough without all the mind numming meds we are fed and told are cool, what a lie that life was.
