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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Recovery My journey starts today (hydromorphone)
- Thread starter Sixxam
- Start date
simco
Bluelight Crew
I think you've got license to be a little emo these days...kidding...man, you're doing great. Grace under pressure!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Little girls can be pretty awesome people you know 
How you dong today Six?
How you dong today Six?
I'll OK buddy.
Couldn't sleep well last night, but what's new right. Man I will be extatic when that returns.
So far, the last couple days haven't been to bad. I've got a good bit accomplished with work. And had a little play time on my new lathe.. Just running it and testing the accuracy. It'll hold .0005", can't ask for anymore then that!
It seems I have one or two days where I feel half ass OK, kinda like I've only been punched in the face once or twice. Then I have a day or two of feeling like holy hell. It's a roller coaster I guess.
I have a big get together this Saturday for my little girls birthday, so a bunch of family is coming out to my place. Will be nice to see everyone, but 6-8 hours of entertaining is absolutely fucking draining to me right now. BUT....... My princess only gets a first birthday once!
I had a close friend pop by last night, he's a recovering meth addict with six months clean. He's going through some real tough shit! Kinda puts things into perspective a little bit... Things could always be much worse...
Guess I should pull up my big girl panties and quit whining..... But I won't! ( skips off with pig tails swinging in the wind) ?
Couldn't sleep well last night, but what's new right. Man I will be extatic when that returns.
So far, the last couple days haven't been to bad. I've got a good bit accomplished with work. And had a little play time on my new lathe.. Just running it and testing the accuracy. It'll hold .0005", can't ask for anymore then that!
It seems I have one or two days where I feel half ass OK, kinda like I've only been punched in the face once or twice. Then I have a day or two of feeling like holy hell. It's a roller coaster I guess.
I have a big get together this Saturday for my little girls birthday, so a bunch of family is coming out to my place. Will be nice to see everyone, but 6-8 hours of entertaining is absolutely fucking draining to me right now. BUT....... My princess only gets a first birthday once!
I had a close friend pop by last night, he's a recovering meth addict with six months clean. He's going through some real tough shit! Kinda puts things into perspective a little bit... Things could always be much worse...
Guess I should pull up my big girl panties and quit whining..... But I won't! ( skips off with pig tails swinging in the wind) ?
simco
Bluelight Crew
Glad you're happy with the new lathe. What kind of material can you shape with it? Since you're a machinist, I'm guessing it's not a wood lathe, no?
the last dose
Bluelighter
Sixx i know all about the roller coaster ride, for me it always seems the roller coaster is about to come off the rails on days followed by shitty sleep. I am getting much better sleep than a month ago so i try to keep it in perspective and realize it is getting better! little by little. Happy 1st Birthday to your little girl!! I remember them days enjoy brotha they grow up quick my daughter is 25 and my son is 17. And dont worry about whining bro your with folks that feel your pain totally understand!
Sixx -
I'm parked on the side of the road in between meetings and checking on my BL Buddies. I'm so sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I know I sound like a broken record - but I'm so super busy at work. I haven't even been able to catch up on the thread - much less respond.
I am blocking off some time this weekend to catch up on you, Sim, TPD, last dose, etc.
I don't know what is getting you down, but whatever it is - just remind yourself how fucking strong and badass you are. How you just climbed the Mount Everest of addictions and came skipping back down that mountain like it was nothing! No matter what is wrong, you got this.
- VE
I'm parked on the side of the road in between meetings and checking on my BL Buddies. I'm so sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I know I sound like a broken record - but I'm so super busy at work. I haven't even been able to catch up on the thread - much less respond.
I am blocking off some time this weekend to catch up on you, Sim, TPD, last dose, etc.
I don't know what is getting you down, but whatever it is - just remind yourself how fucking strong and badass you are. How you just climbed the Mount Everest of addictions and came skipping back down that mountain like it was nothing! No matter what is wrong, you got this.
- VE
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Keep your head up Six. As you know, it will get better. Try not to fall pray to those delusional voices in your head about how fucked up everything.
To your more upbeat post earlier:
That's what I'm talking about dude! Fuck those haters. You're entitled to complain about this shit right now. There is no comparing our suffer, even if it is nice to be reminded ever once in while our present struggles could be (and have been) so much worse.
That's awesome you're little one is having her cumpleaños soon! Plus you'll get to have fun cleaning up and all that jazz... On that note, can you try and prepare things so the prep/clean up isn't too intensive?
And that is a pretty wicked tolerance on your machine - wanna make me a pneumatic spool or poppet valve sometime
To your more upbeat post earlier:
That's what I'm talking about dude! Fuck those haters. You're entitled to complain about this shit right now. There is no comparing our suffer, even if it is nice to be reminded ever once in while our present struggles could be (and have been) so much worse.
That's awesome you're little one is having her cumpleaños soon! Plus you'll get to have fun cleaning up and all that jazz... On that note, can you try and prepare things so the prep/clean up isn't too intensive?
And that is a pretty wicked tolerance on your machine - wanna make me a pneumatic spool or poppet valve sometime
Stuck on highway is massive about storm trying to get to ICU .... My cousin (very close) with we talk daily, she's helped me through this whole journey... Decided to take 120 xanax last night. Which I should have taken days ago from her. She's on life support long enough for us to say goodbye..... She's in a coma. I'm heart broken... I'll explain more later..
Thinking of you guys.. You to VE.
Thinking of you guys.. You to VE.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Sending you lots and lots of love tonight Six!
simco
Bluelight Crew
Fuck, Sixx. That's brutal. I'm so sorry to hear the news. We're thinking of you, man.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
How it is going today Six?
Sixx -
Wow, when it rains it pours, sixx, I'm so sorry to hear the news. Don't blame yourself for not taking the Xanax from her - if she was going to do it, she would have done it. With or without the Xanax. I'm not a country music fan - but there is a line in a song that I thought of when I read about your cousin. "Life is short, but sometimes it is bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees."
Im so sorry this has happened to you and your loved ones. Did you have to reschedule the bday party for your daughter? I can't imagine having to put on a happy face right now.
Check in when you can. And please don't feel guilty or responsible for anything you did or didn't do. You were clearly a huge part of her life and someone she loved very much. You were there for her in life. Try to celebrate her in death. When you feel like you can. But for now, just keep getting through each day.
- VE
Wow, when it rains it pours, sixx, I'm so sorry to hear the news. Don't blame yourself for not taking the Xanax from her - if she was going to do it, she would have done it. With or without the Xanax. I'm not a country music fan - but there is a line in a song that I thought of when I read about your cousin. "Life is short, but sometimes it is bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees."
Im so sorry this has happened to you and your loved ones. Did you have to reschedule the bday party for your daughter? I can't imagine having to put on a happy face right now.
Check in when you can. And please don't feel guilty or responsible for anything you did or didn't do. You were clearly a huge part of her life and someone she loved very much. You were there for her in life. Try to celebrate her in death. When you feel like you can. But for now, just keep getting through each day.
- VE
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Seems like a number of SLers have lost someone close recently. Me and sim at the end of 2016, now Six - just around when everyone tried to get of whatever they're using to. You're absolutely right VE, when it rain it sure does poor.
the last dose
Bluelighter
Sixx im very sorry to hear about your cousin, thinking about you bro!
Hey guys,
I should have checked in sooner, but have seriously been lacking motivation, and my head's been in a tail spin with my cousin Ave visits to the ICU.
First off, I'm still sober! ?
Now, they haven't pulled the plug on my cousin yet, she has been on dialysis for days, had a successful transfusion and had been weened of the sedatives to awake from the induced coma. , intubation was pulled two days ago and she's breathing on her own. She's begin to respond, squeezing hands, smiling when you tell her she's pretty.. Even trying to talk. But, her liver and kidneys are not at all functioning.. What all OF this means,i don't know.. She has serious heart damage as well.. I dunno how they respond to this shit and they aren't telling us much, just wait.... I'm praying my ass off and just trying to hold out hope.
My daughter's birthday party.... Still went as scheduled. My entire family had to come down the night before to see my cousin, and were up all night, so it was tiring. But I wasn't missing that for the world... And man of man did she have fun. Was awesome! I had to watch my mom reach into her bottle of percocet a few times, but I wasn't overly affected as percocet is baby Advil compared to dilaudid.. I was able to just carry on without much bother.
Now, I guess I should add that my benzo supplier is my mom. Well she's decided since finding out about my kick to not give me them. She knows the seriousness of benzo withdrawal but doesn't seem to care much. I've keep my use to under 1mg throughout most of this. But since cutting back to 1/2mg I've been feeling rough. And I only have three left, plus about 20 xanax. I'll admitt I'm kinda worried about running out of benzos. I feel crazy already. And withdrawing from ops followed by benzos is not good. As I said, I've been dependant on 1/4 mg clonazepam for a long time. I'm sure I could hit the streets and find some, but the streets offers pain killers long before you find benzos..... What to do.. What to do .
Thank you guys for being so supportive, means a ton to me. My pink cloud is definitely gone and I'm passed 6 weeks clean. I feel crazy, anxious and kinda lost but I'm still in the game..
I should have checked in sooner, but have seriously been lacking motivation, and my head's been in a tail spin with my cousin Ave visits to the ICU.
First off, I'm still sober! ?
Now, they haven't pulled the plug on my cousin yet, she has been on dialysis for days, had a successful transfusion and had been weened of the sedatives to awake from the induced coma. , intubation was pulled two days ago and she's breathing on her own. She's begin to respond, squeezing hands, smiling when you tell her she's pretty.. Even trying to talk. But, her liver and kidneys are not at all functioning.. What all OF this means,i don't know.. She has serious heart damage as well.. I dunno how they respond to this shit and they aren't telling us much, just wait.... I'm praying my ass off and just trying to hold out hope.
My daughter's birthday party.... Still went as scheduled. My entire family had to come down the night before to see my cousin, and were up all night, so it was tiring. But I wasn't missing that for the world... And man of man did she have fun. Was awesome! I had to watch my mom reach into her bottle of percocet a few times, but I wasn't overly affected as percocet is baby Advil compared to dilaudid.. I was able to just carry on without much bother.
Now, I guess I should add that my benzo supplier is my mom. Well she's decided since finding out about my kick to not give me them. She knows the seriousness of benzo withdrawal but doesn't seem to care much. I've keep my use to under 1mg throughout most of this. But since cutting back to 1/2mg I've been feeling rough. And I only have three left, plus about 20 xanax. I'll admitt I'm kinda worried about running out of benzos. I feel crazy already. And withdrawing from ops followed by benzos is not good. As I said, I've been dependant on 1/4 mg clonazepam for a long time. I'm sure I could hit the streets and find some, but the streets offers pain killers long before you find benzos..... What to do.. What to do .
Thank you guys for being so supportive, means a ton to me. My pink cloud is definitely gone and I'm passed 6 weeks clean. I feel crazy, anxious and kinda lost but I'm still in the game..
Damn flu is running through my place like crazy...Everyone's had it accept me... Like I need that right now.
Feeling like shit In general, still struggling with the frustration and anger. Plus now that in dropping the benzos I'm not sleeping at all.. Awesome!
How's everyone else holding up?
Sixx
Feeling like shit In general, still struggling with the frustration and anger. Plus now that in dropping the benzos I'm not sleeping at all.. Awesome!
How's everyone else holding up?
Sixx