benzoheadplus44
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2008
- Messages
- 316
Hi, im chris, im a polysubstance abuser.... or more now of an amphetamine addict with benzos more rxed highly on the side... plus subutex
well heres my story besides when i was bad bad bad with drugs i was a theif i stole fifty grand in cash wiped out bank accounts.... all pill cabinets took speed at parties while ppl passed out id rob them all then leave all pills money weed... fuck em... heroin from two shooters.... fuck em..... now im not like that.... id steal if someone dropped money and i didnt know them fuck yeah i would i need it at the moment.
17 i did drugs first time... dxm daily really... but hydrocodone is my first drug... weed wasnt first... i loved vicodin pain killers quickly were my fav...
then i took adderall hated it
took it again, then got a RX 75 mg daily, now i get 80mg dextrostat tablets daily rxed... 25yrs old in july so ill be 26 next.. hopefully... got my first tattoo.. im a huge alkaline trio fan... so i got the heart and skull and guess who is blasting now..... mr chainsaw mother fuckers.... then comes take lots with alcohol....
but anyway
so heres a long one
i had the best gf michelle my fav name for a chick it was a 4 1/2 year relationship.... broke up before i turned 21... never since well 3 times since have i gotten laid... gf might save me.... any girls wanna be my buddy.... like in a love love way... im not into one night stands tho i just fucked a 38 yr old whore.... lol... im into love i want that feeling again... i dream of michelle a lot... having that girl in my life was nice... any girl i mean love... oxytocin.... that feeling..... love is A good feeling...
when i was 20 i moved back in to my parents after 2 years bouncing around... my nickname was nigga chris, and had a lot of friends, partied drank, drugged my ass off (im white btw it was a all white area so nigga chris no offense was a joke but ppl still call me that myyy nigga and shit lol...
those who read this and saw this know who i am... if u do thats awesome...
anyway after i moved back in at 20... i was a mess.... tweaking, out 4 days straight drinking partying benzoing then came heroin.... i was fucked...
my dad died when i was 20 we were in a verbal argument... and i had no add meds just in me was 40mg klonopin and 140mg oxycontin approx i lost a chunk while breaking it down... i nodded out on the wheel in the park where i bought it cops woke me up said to them i was just sad... lol worked... worked delivering pizzas i was so fucked up tho they sent me home and i basically passed out on the steering wheel in my driveway... 2 talll cans in the back, half an oxy under the right seat, benzos to the side...
weed seeds everywherre the cops searched it all said they thought it was crack the piece of oxy that went flying lol....
stupid fucks
anyways yeah me and my dad wrestled, i had choke marks and shit red marks... from him too i wouldnt hit him tho im not gonna hit my father... went up the stairs to leave... (they made me come in from the car when found in the condition while it was storming like tornado shit storming) they yelled at me i wanted to just leave or lay in my room.... but went back down the stairs forgot my shoes... lol.. 3 times... then he came up after the last time grabbed my wrists... and i said no not here he fell i pulled as hard as a 110 lb person can he tripped thru the baby gate on the basement steps 15 to be exact he crushed his skull blunt force trauma shit.... went outside cops had guns poiinted at me i laid down they slammed me against the car i broke the cops ribs he was a fucker and slammed me when i was cooperating...
lived homeless till someone took me in... went to jail in 09 a year later for a 06 and 08 felony 2 months in with 2 years probation... arson and the busted ribs got felony resisting... arson was when i was 18 19 something like that... drunk not on my add meds again no weed jose cuervo and my ex's bf now my ex best friend (aint that fucked up they been 4 yrs dating, we are cool i guess i talk to them but idk fuck em)
went back to the ladies house after jail i spent 2 days on xanax and booze and fucked up then came back smoked weed... i was 30 miles away the lady and my grandfather had to get me... crystal lake to grayslake il...
and now... well then i mean i moved in witth my grandpa till he went into a nursing home this july, and i just now got off probation from a heroin dui, started talking to my mom and it was 4 years damn near since we spoke... i did the 110 mg methadone taper to the 2mg-4mg subs subutex which i abuse sometimes but not so much i dont wanna mess up a taper... its easy idk whyy methadone sucked the 7 days off it on uppers no benzos i was so fucking ill my heart and bp was blown away...
then my grandpa went to the nursing home i was alone there for a while tweaked out went into psychosis very bad called the police thinking i was tricked into calling them for killing a rabbbit with iv drugs that never happened.... bugs all over, friends in my house no one ever was there....
heard my mother next door.... it was fucked upi thought i was tricked...the er i thought was going to overdose me i was so scared.... i plugged 100mg dex ate 100mg snorted 30 or 50mg then two days later plugged (just shoved them in there no water so imagine those two days all the shit was simply XRing itself) took two more when the cop that didnt really come over with my friend mad who wasnt there either over me lying about being off dexedrine so he couldnt get any im selfish lol....
again all that was psychosis.,,
i got out was 11 days.... then i got into a motel in july last week my mom went ballistic over some stupid text we talked before this too....after the text which said ill ride my bike to meet u or to u to get my script, it was mailed to her, it was more a joke... 20 miles i think not.... well now i got 3000 dollars which 800 got fucked on me, i spent 1000 and basically payed 700 to stay a month in this persons house.... a different person....
ill have a room soon should be now but hes still here this is bullshit im on their couch but i have a roof over my head.......
ill be leaving soon so fuck.... i mean to go out today not move out... 25 days i have left about till im either fucked or alaska a friend from a military school is gonna take me in and help me.... i am technically legally clean, theyll dispense my meds to me... merchant marines, or him idk.. hes in the merchant marines... i may have to wait to january tho till this happens if it can... working for a third time on disability and free money, then get cash jobs... idk i got link card.... my mom responds in texts but only cuz i need her to pay my dr and subs one more time.... im that fucked... what happens when i move out... where will i be.... im fucked.... 2 months outside i dont think so,,, she needs to come to her senses and see my text of the 20 she read after telling me in voice shes coming to get me and take me to the pharmacy like no ones business.... nothing bad nothing bad at all... then i go to walgreens steal a benzedrex... ride out of there my phone gets blown with all these texts saying never again fuck me im a horrible person, when really im a good person.... i just take meds abuse the stimulants especially now with all this going on... im ok tho but if i dont have the dex illl panic and cry and shit...
or not able to stay awake...
crawl from alk 3 is playing right now thatts a good way to put it..
im at 130mg dex i woke up at 530pm its 13 hours later thats like one an hour hahaha no it was 6 3 4 oo shit yeah 130... im not nervous really... i got phenibut no benzos till later today i should make her go immediately to the pharmacy and get the lorazepams.... i got kava kava l theanine and phenibut in bulk with a scale... im ok.... valium is last taken like last night well about 28 hours ago so im ok..... i took 80 mg that day to keep it a high ass level knowing id be out for one day.... im ok feeling.... kava i take 2 more than the recommended but it has to be cuz the shit works so whats up everyone this is me...
chris
in a nutshell.... hello and thank u for reading... but basically thats it i thought my dad was healing after i got out of jail bonded out then he got worse and was in a coma for 2 weeks they pulled the plug on the best high day of my life the suboxone lyrica day with dex and shit... i found out from a friend who read a forum that he died...... now my mom hopefully will come to her senses without her im fucked she was my only hope.... she helped me with the stock money that my dad left.... thousands he had a million fucking dollar job just retired.... God is up there although i listen to a band who is blasphemist as all hell i basically know someone is watching me i should have died 8 times or so.... cats have 9 do i have one more or am i invincible.......
only issue is the amphetamines but my tolerance allows it and it makes me feel normal and stable, the benzos help anxiety and sub kills desires for opiates.. i took 50mg norco yesterday to keep opiate in my system i forgot about that i have to go 11 days no bupe to get more, and thats a bitch.... im ok tho i didnt need those norco just thought i better do it.... didnt feel it didnt do anything im not sick yet its day 6... 19th i get it back..... i dont know i think my shit was stolen along with 100 bucks in cvs cards specifically for them i have 25 in my pocket 80 almost on a card from walmart unless my order for 30 dollars for noopept on amazon was not cancelled it should be though till i know shes gonna pay him... i want to try noopept to see if it will help me if its "that strong" maybe i can lower my dose and shit.... or just idk i doubt it... ill just use it when i run out of this dex probably if i do order it.... or ill be so sleepy 400mg caffeine wont help, benzedrex will i do have muriatic acid and can turn it from cotton to powder paste, crystal whatever it turns into i forgot i gotta read up on that but id feel safer and cheaper per dose using noopept......
one gram 30 bucks 5 is 50....
idk fuck man... homeless sucks but then having a seizure from not having meds or something for not affording kpin ill be shit fucked... i wont sit in the outdoors with stims, i mean without them ill be asleep in the woods somewhere lol..... or seized up jet travolta style without money... i need one bottle but all 3 of subutex would be the greatest amount get off it... tho its probably a bad idea.... benzos i need sorry... they work for anxiety im dependent and too late too bad ill have a dr taper me when i wanna taper fuck em.... i know they work... i have migranes from my mom maybe fibromayalgia beginning.... she did at my age about... started anyway.... so i want gabapentin or lyrica but in reality 2mg kpin in am and the 2nd dose rather be 30mg temazepam maybe id sleep every night... probably not... benzos dont put me to sleep phenibut sure as hell does tho....
but what do you all think.... o and in illinois disability will take a while and even with a lawyer... the psychosis shit summer time helps a lot.....but still.. its gonna be hard to get.... in their eyes im clean i cant get into a rehab nor do i want to... i get out then what get my meds back... i am legally suppose to take the 3 meds and illegally take my weed lol..... but shit my dr is vice pres of the psychiatric board.... hes the top no insurance covers him... nothing.... im out guys thank you... plz rd... ill put this into a thread of its own too....
pm me if u need too.... idk man im in a tough one.... i think she will speak with me again its just different this time.... idk what the fuck she was on that day but shes got issues it allways goes back to me my drugs and my dad every time shes mad.... fuckin a man... im not fucked up right now... sure im on a lot of amphetamine but thats after 10 years of studying this shit on the side... i wanna be a neuropharmacologist if i spelled it right..... lol im in a hurry gotta get going.... but shit thanks guys... i mean i smoke weed semi daily, but not addicted and i do take less than before of dex... my face is and has been clean for a while u can tell.... im much better... i just need a lot of it due to my abuse of it... fuck it till death to u part ... im not that bad idk i feel fine ekgs say im ok... im not dying... nor do i want too... never suicide... as an option only if i HAD to... if i suffered or something or was tortured.... wow its cold in the room im about to move into holy shit...... fuck me... really someone fuck me if i only had desire... i have too much shit on my mind.... lol... but im ok .. a ok.. right now... living in the moment day by day... who knows maybe i need 120 mg or 150mg dex a day idk... i just dont really care right now.... thats why im taking it to stay up... i dont have time to sleep... better enjoy my next 25 days lol.... like in that bond movie.. plenty of time to slleep when youre dead.... someday... i believe in God on these pills cross in my pocket good luck charm... off them i dont give a shit.... its impulse control i need it till i sleep.... as i get older im sure this is going to slow down anyway... im not too bad right now...at all... health wise... 140 lbs give or take some 5 pounds... 25 yr old male look good clean cut.... shit... fuck...
well heres my story besides when i was bad bad bad with drugs i was a theif i stole fifty grand in cash wiped out bank accounts.... all pill cabinets took speed at parties while ppl passed out id rob them all then leave all pills money weed... fuck em... heroin from two shooters.... fuck em..... now im not like that.... id steal if someone dropped money and i didnt know them fuck yeah i would i need it at the moment.
17 i did drugs first time... dxm daily really... but hydrocodone is my first drug... weed wasnt first... i loved vicodin pain killers quickly were my fav...
then i took adderall hated it
took it again, then got a RX 75 mg daily, now i get 80mg dextrostat tablets daily rxed... 25yrs old in july so ill be 26 next.. hopefully... got my first tattoo.. im a huge alkaline trio fan... so i got the heart and skull and guess who is blasting now..... mr chainsaw mother fuckers.... then comes take lots with alcohol....
but anyway
so heres a long one
i had the best gf michelle my fav name for a chick it was a 4 1/2 year relationship.... broke up before i turned 21... never since well 3 times since have i gotten laid... gf might save me.... any girls wanna be my buddy.... like in a love love way... im not into one night stands tho i just fucked a 38 yr old whore.... lol... im into love i want that feeling again... i dream of michelle a lot... having that girl in my life was nice... any girl i mean love... oxytocin.... that feeling..... love is A good feeling...
when i was 20 i moved back in to my parents after 2 years bouncing around... my nickname was nigga chris, and had a lot of friends, partied drank, drugged my ass off (im white btw it was a all white area so nigga chris no offense was a joke but ppl still call me that myyy nigga and shit lol...
those who read this and saw this know who i am... if u do thats awesome...
anyway after i moved back in at 20... i was a mess.... tweaking, out 4 days straight drinking partying benzoing then came heroin.... i was fucked...
my dad died when i was 20 we were in a verbal argument... and i had no add meds just in me was 40mg klonopin and 140mg oxycontin approx i lost a chunk while breaking it down... i nodded out on the wheel in the park where i bought it cops woke me up said to them i was just sad... lol worked... worked delivering pizzas i was so fucked up tho they sent me home and i basically passed out on the steering wheel in my driveway... 2 talll cans in the back, half an oxy under the right seat, benzos to the side...
weed seeds everywherre the cops searched it all said they thought it was crack the piece of oxy that went flying lol....
stupid fucks
anyways yeah me and my dad wrestled, i had choke marks and shit red marks... from him too i wouldnt hit him tho im not gonna hit my father... went up the stairs to leave... (they made me come in from the car when found in the condition while it was storming like tornado shit storming) they yelled at me i wanted to just leave or lay in my room.... but went back down the stairs forgot my shoes... lol.. 3 times... then he came up after the last time grabbed my wrists... and i said no not here he fell i pulled as hard as a 110 lb person can he tripped thru the baby gate on the basement steps 15 to be exact he crushed his skull blunt force trauma shit.... went outside cops had guns poiinted at me i laid down they slammed me against the car i broke the cops ribs he was a fucker and slammed me when i was cooperating...
lived homeless till someone took me in... went to jail in 09 a year later for a 06 and 08 felony 2 months in with 2 years probation... arson and the busted ribs got felony resisting... arson was when i was 18 19 something like that... drunk not on my add meds again no weed jose cuervo and my ex's bf now my ex best friend (aint that fucked up they been 4 yrs dating, we are cool i guess i talk to them but idk fuck em)
went back to the ladies house after jail i spent 2 days on xanax and booze and fucked up then came back smoked weed... i was 30 miles away the lady and my grandfather had to get me... crystal lake to grayslake il...
and now... well then i mean i moved in witth my grandpa till he went into a nursing home this july, and i just now got off probation from a heroin dui, started talking to my mom and it was 4 years damn near since we spoke... i did the 110 mg methadone taper to the 2mg-4mg subs subutex which i abuse sometimes but not so much i dont wanna mess up a taper... its easy idk whyy methadone sucked the 7 days off it on uppers no benzos i was so fucking ill my heart and bp was blown away...
then my grandpa went to the nursing home i was alone there for a while tweaked out went into psychosis very bad called the police thinking i was tricked into calling them for killing a rabbbit with iv drugs that never happened.... bugs all over, friends in my house no one ever was there....
heard my mother next door.... it was fucked upi thought i was tricked...the er i thought was going to overdose me i was so scared.... i plugged 100mg dex ate 100mg snorted 30 or 50mg then two days later plugged (just shoved them in there no water so imagine those two days all the shit was simply XRing itself) took two more when the cop that didnt really come over with my friend mad who wasnt there either over me lying about being off dexedrine so he couldnt get any im selfish lol....
again all that was psychosis.,,
i got out was 11 days.... then i got into a motel in july last week my mom went ballistic over some stupid text we talked before this too....after the text which said ill ride my bike to meet u or to u to get my script, it was mailed to her, it was more a joke... 20 miles i think not.... well now i got 3000 dollars which 800 got fucked on me, i spent 1000 and basically payed 700 to stay a month in this persons house.... a different person....
ill have a room soon should be now but hes still here this is bullshit im on their couch but i have a roof over my head.......
ill be leaving soon so fuck.... i mean to go out today not move out... 25 days i have left about till im either fucked or alaska a friend from a military school is gonna take me in and help me.... i am technically legally clean, theyll dispense my meds to me... merchant marines, or him idk.. hes in the merchant marines... i may have to wait to january tho till this happens if it can... working for a third time on disability and free money, then get cash jobs... idk i got link card.... my mom responds in texts but only cuz i need her to pay my dr and subs one more time.... im that fucked... what happens when i move out... where will i be.... im fucked.... 2 months outside i dont think so,,, she needs to come to her senses and see my text of the 20 she read after telling me in voice shes coming to get me and take me to the pharmacy like no ones business.... nothing bad nothing bad at all... then i go to walgreens steal a benzedrex... ride out of there my phone gets blown with all these texts saying never again fuck me im a horrible person, when really im a good person.... i just take meds abuse the stimulants especially now with all this going on... im ok tho but if i dont have the dex illl panic and cry and shit...
or not able to stay awake...
crawl from alk 3 is playing right now thatts a good way to put it..
im at 130mg dex i woke up at 530pm its 13 hours later thats like one an hour hahaha no it was 6 3 4 oo shit yeah 130... im not nervous really... i got phenibut no benzos till later today i should make her go immediately to the pharmacy and get the lorazepams.... i got kava kava l theanine and phenibut in bulk with a scale... im ok.... valium is last taken like last night well about 28 hours ago so im ok..... i took 80 mg that day to keep it a high ass level knowing id be out for one day.... im ok feeling.... kava i take 2 more than the recommended but it has to be cuz the shit works so whats up everyone this is me...
chris
in a nutshell.... hello and thank u for reading... but basically thats it i thought my dad was healing after i got out of jail bonded out then he got worse and was in a coma for 2 weeks they pulled the plug on the best high day of my life the suboxone lyrica day with dex and shit... i found out from a friend who read a forum that he died...... now my mom hopefully will come to her senses without her im fucked she was my only hope.... she helped me with the stock money that my dad left.... thousands he had a million fucking dollar job just retired.... God is up there although i listen to a band who is blasphemist as all hell i basically know someone is watching me i should have died 8 times or so.... cats have 9 do i have one more or am i invincible.......
only issue is the amphetamines but my tolerance allows it and it makes me feel normal and stable, the benzos help anxiety and sub kills desires for opiates.. i took 50mg norco yesterday to keep opiate in my system i forgot about that i have to go 11 days no bupe to get more, and thats a bitch.... im ok tho i didnt need those norco just thought i better do it.... didnt feel it didnt do anything im not sick yet its day 6... 19th i get it back..... i dont know i think my shit was stolen along with 100 bucks in cvs cards specifically for them i have 25 in my pocket 80 almost on a card from walmart unless my order for 30 dollars for noopept on amazon was not cancelled it should be though till i know shes gonna pay him... i want to try noopept to see if it will help me if its "that strong" maybe i can lower my dose and shit.... or just idk i doubt it... ill just use it when i run out of this dex probably if i do order it.... or ill be so sleepy 400mg caffeine wont help, benzedrex will i do have muriatic acid and can turn it from cotton to powder paste, crystal whatever it turns into i forgot i gotta read up on that but id feel safer and cheaper per dose using noopept......
one gram 30 bucks 5 is 50....
idk fuck man... homeless sucks but then having a seizure from not having meds or something for not affording kpin ill be shit fucked... i wont sit in the outdoors with stims, i mean without them ill be asleep in the woods somewhere lol..... or seized up jet travolta style without money... i need one bottle but all 3 of subutex would be the greatest amount get off it... tho its probably a bad idea.... benzos i need sorry... they work for anxiety im dependent and too late too bad ill have a dr taper me when i wanna taper fuck em.... i know they work... i have migranes from my mom maybe fibromayalgia beginning.... she did at my age about... started anyway.... so i want gabapentin or lyrica but in reality 2mg kpin in am and the 2nd dose rather be 30mg temazepam maybe id sleep every night... probably not... benzos dont put me to sleep phenibut sure as hell does tho....
but what do you all think.... o and in illinois disability will take a while and even with a lawyer... the psychosis shit summer time helps a lot.....but still.. its gonna be hard to get.... in their eyes im clean i cant get into a rehab nor do i want to... i get out then what get my meds back... i am legally suppose to take the 3 meds and illegally take my weed lol..... but shit my dr is vice pres of the psychiatric board.... hes the top no insurance covers him... nothing.... im out guys thank you... plz rd... ill put this into a thread of its own too....
pm me if u need too.... idk man im in a tough one.... i think she will speak with me again its just different this time.... idk what the fuck she was on that day but shes got issues it allways goes back to me my drugs and my dad every time shes mad.... fuckin a man... im not fucked up right now... sure im on a lot of amphetamine but thats after 10 years of studying this shit on the side... i wanna be a neuropharmacologist if i spelled it right..... lol im in a hurry gotta get going.... but shit thanks guys... i mean i smoke weed semi daily, but not addicted and i do take less than before of dex... my face is and has been clean for a while u can tell.... im much better... i just need a lot of it due to my abuse of it... fuck it till death to u part ... im not that bad idk i feel fine ekgs say im ok... im not dying... nor do i want too... never suicide... as an option only if i HAD to... if i suffered or something or was tortured.... wow its cold in the room im about to move into holy shit...... fuck me... really someone fuck me if i only had desire... i have too much shit on my mind.... lol... but im ok .. a ok.. right now... living in the moment day by day... who knows maybe i need 120 mg or 150mg dex a day idk... i just dont really care right now.... thats why im taking it to stay up... i dont have time to sleep... better enjoy my next 25 days lol.... like in that bond movie.. plenty of time to slleep when youre dead.... someday... i believe in God on these pills cross in my pocket good luck charm... off them i dont give a shit.... its impulse control i need it till i sleep.... as i get older im sure this is going to slow down anyway... im not too bad right now...at all... health wise... 140 lbs give or take some 5 pounds... 25 yr old male look good clean cut.... shit... fuck...
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