My husband is an Opiate addict...

[Smooches]

Hello, I've never written in a forum or a blog or anything before but I'm looking for advice and insite... My husband has battled with addiction for most of his life. When I met him he was clean except for occasionally smoking pot. Further into our relationship he became addicted to Percocet and he battled with that for over a year before kicking the habit. Next thing i know he tells me he has become hooked on heroin... Only a few weeks before our wedding. We are now married and I'm trying my best to help him quit. He is sick all the time (I'm guessing because his immune system is weakened) and in a bad mood all the time. How can I best help him? I feel like I'm becoming just as irratiable all the time because his mood is so up and down. He really wants to quit and has been clean for about two weeks. Any advice and comments would be great.

 

[Smooches]

Also, quick note. I have never had a problem with addiction although I have tried a few drugs.

 

[Tommyboy]

Hello, I've never written in a forum or a blog or anything before but I'm looking for advice and insite... My husband has battled with addiction for most of his life. When I met him he was clean except for occasionally smoking pot. Further into our relationship he became addicted to Percocet and he battled with that for over a year before kicking the habit. Next thing i know he tells me he has become hooked on heroin... Only a few weeks before our wedding. We are now married and I'm trying my best to help him quit. He is sick all the time (I'm guessing because his immune system is weakened) and in a bad mood all the time. How can I best help him? I feel like I'm becoming just as irratiable all the time because his mood is so up and down. He really wants to quit and has been clean for about two weeks. Any advice and comments would be great.

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about your husbands struggle with addiction and the effect it is having on both of your moods. He is sick all the time because of the withdrawals he experiences when he doesn't have the drug. It is not because of a weakened immune system like you thought, it is because his body is used to functioning with the drug in his system, so when he doesn't take the drug and doesn't have it in his system he becomes sick as his body is not used to functioning without the drugs in his system.

It is very difficult to help someone quit since it's really something that they need to do for themselves. That's not to say that you can't be supportive, and you will need to be patient with him and not get mad at him if he relapses. Drug addicts feel bad enough when they are using or when they relapse, so if you are upset with him then he might use again as a way to deal with it.

If he is really struggling to stay clean, he may want to try suboxone maintenance. It is used to stabilize drug addicts and help with the cravings while they get their life together and start dealing with the issues that cause them to use. Since it is taken daily and has a long half-life he wouldn't be moody or sick like you said he has been.

Does he work full-time, and does he have hobbies/interests that he still enjoys? Also has he been to a doctor? Opiates aren't that harmful to the body aside from risk of OD, but if he was taking a lot of percocet with tylenol it could have damaged his liver, and if he IVs heroin there can be some complications from IVing that lead to health problems. I'm pretty sure that him constantly being sick is from withdrawals, but he should see a doctor to rule everything else out. If he wasn't taking more than 9 percocets at a time or IVing the heroin then he should be alright, but it's always good to see a doctor if you are a drug addict.

 

[Smooches]

Thank you... He has been "off of heroine" for about 2 weeks now and did use suboxone. He also used suboxone when he quit Percocet. I try to be very open and understanding, and not get really upset with him. If he messes up I don't want him to feel like he can't talk to me. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to help with out enabling him. I now control all of our finances and try not to give him any extra cash or access to our accounts. He did in the past spend hundreds of dollars out of our account, so we agreed to put me in charge of finances.

I've heard there is a really low rate of success of quitting heroin and staying clean. He has cut ties with MOST of his "drug friends" and he is still working on cutting ties with others. We have also considered moving a distance away to get him away from anyone he may know who is related. What other things can I do to help him STAY clean? Getting clean was a big step! But from what I understand, the next few weeks of staying clean will be even more difficult.

 

[Anomaly88]

Moving away wont solve your problem. Been there done that. You cant run from yourself. You can try to help him all you want but it is ultimately up to him. He needs to realize whats more important his family/wife/whatever or heroin. And for most addicts the dope comes first. Good luck... Using addicts are the most pleasant people to be around. Hopefully hes got a good head on his shoulders and really wants to quit. Good luck!!

 

[Tommyboy]

^ I think that moving away actually can work for some people. I stayed off of opiates for 3 years when I lived in an area where they weren't available, but I turned to drinking instead which was way worse than getting high every other day.

 

[MrRoot]

I have to say that I have had my share of addictions and I must thank my wife bringing them up in my mind.

Before marriage I had moved together on totally different part or our scandinavian country (over 200 miles from my old hometown) so my live changed quite a much as my old work and friend etc. were left behind and I started to use more alcohol than before. Few weeks before weddings my wife to be exploded about this and I actually changed my ways and we had a were nice wedding and life was fine.

Then I broke my knee and back while on tour in Afghanistan and I got addicted to painkillers, which did not cause a problem until they run out. Again my wife exploded about it and sent me to treatment.

For me it was that simple. First she made me decide between her or alcohol and than between her and too much recreational opioid use (OxyContin) and in both cases the support came only after I had chosen and I know she would have walked away if I would have chosen otherwise.

I truly think that no one who does not use drugs should not have to live with a person who just uses drugs instead if he/she is not atleast trying to quit.

An addict cant see clearly what he or she causes so someone must remind him or her and make an ultimatum. Only in that case there might came any progress. And remember if he chooses drugs, you are not doomed to live your life looking at it.

But this is just my opinion which might rise from my hard boiled military background :D

Godspeed whatever happens.

 

[marzipan93]

Hi... I am new here, but I thought I could offer you some advice.

I AM that husband. I have been clean for 6 months. My wife nearly divorced me for my issues. Here's what I'd advise for u guys:

-He should find a good doctor that will keep him on Suboxone for 6months-1year. He needs time to get away from the dope, time for his mind to forget the need for a "fix". By taking suboxone every day at the same time, like a vitamin, he will start to lose his psychic dependence, a good thing. If you can administer the suboxone, that would be best, so he can't sell it.

-Drug test him, every 3rd day, or twice a week at the least. Get a box of those easy-test strips. We used "iScreen" brand. THey are good, I got busted for using and I had been clean for 3 days.. it still got me. Tell him that you are only trying to help, and that this will be the only way that you can trust him to stay clean. If you don't test him, he will probably sell his suboxone to get H. It is very common.

-NA meetings. Make him go to them, at least 3 times a week at first. after a few months, maybe down to once a week. Even if he doesn't like it, make him go. Even if he is an atheist (I am an atheist and I still did NA), make him go. He must have support from other addicts, it helps A LOT, more than anything else, I would say.

-Be compassionate, but firm. Make him see that there are consequences to his using. If he continually relapses, you must be ready to leave him.. this is one of the only ultimatums that work in addiction, the threat of losing a lover.

-Get him a therapist, 1-on-1 counselling will do him the most good, but some people do well with group therapy. I get my group therapy at NA and I see a therapist for 1-on-1. Make sure it is a drug-addiction specialist.

Basically, think of it like this: He has a FATAL disease, like cancer or diabetes. He WILL DIE unless he gets the proper treatment. If you love him, you must help him get this treatment. If he refuses to accept treatment, he is choosing death, and you have no business being with someone that is committing suicide.

One last thing, and this is only my personal opinion. Take some acid... LSD... and talk it out. Talk about why he is using... how it feels and talk about how it makes YOU feel to see him use. Psychedelics have been shown to lessen the cravings for opiates BIG TIME. I personally tried to get clean for 4 years with no luck, then I took some LSD and really cracked the nut, so-to-speak. I tripped about 3 times over the course of 2 months into my detox, and I honestly say that it did more for me than ANYTHING else I have ever attempted in recovery. This is totally against NA mentality, but they don't know everything. In fact, if you ignore EVERYTHING else that I have written here, take this one piece of advice and TRY SOME LSD for recovery. It is a miracle worker. Believe me.

Good luck... this too shall pass.

Marz

 

[otm]

^ I think that moving away actually can work for some people. I stayed off of opiates for 3 years when I lived in an area where they weren't available, but I turned to drinking instead which was way worse than getting high every other day.

I agree. Having a change of location helped me when I was getting over my amphetamine addiction. Living somewhere where I had no drug using friends and didn't know anyone to buy off for a few months was enough time to get used to not having it and see the benefits of not taking it all the time. I'm now back in the same city I was in before but I had enough time away to get used to not using it.

 

[badfish45]

Thank you... He has been "off of heroine" for about 2 weeks now and did use suboxone. He also used suboxone when he quit Percocet. I try to be very open and understanding, and not get really upset with him. If he messes up I don't want him to feel like he can't talk to me. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to help with out enabling him. I now control all of our finances and try not to give him any extra cash or access to our accounts. He did in the past spend hundreds of dollars out of our account, so we agreed to put me in charge of finances.

I've heard there is a really low rate of success of quitting heroin and staying clean. He has cut ties with MOST of his "drug friends" and he is still working on cutting ties with others. We have also considered moving a distance away to get him away from anyone he may know who is related. What other things can I do to help him STAY clean? Getting clean was a big step! But from what I understand, the next few weeks of staying clean will be even more difficult.

The best thing he can do to stay clean is for him to find something productive to do that will replace his need to use drugs. My friend became a heavy adderall and MDMA abuser in middle school before I knew him, but he's over a year clean now and I can tell that he's moved his interests away from drugs towards professional fighting and cars. He spends a lot of time at the gym, and he'll spend his money on equipment and everything, and it doesn't even seem like drugs interest him at all anymore. I think moving away will have some benefits but in the end, won't it be better to overcome that demon all together? I agree with anomaly, you can't run from yourself. Your husband is an addict, if the only way he can escape it is running, what's going to happen when he comes into contact with heroin again someday?

If you don't test him, he will probably sell his suboxone to get H. It is very common.

-NA meetings. Make him go to them, at least 3 times a week at first. after a few months, maybe down to once a week. Even if he doesn't like it, make him go. Even if he is an atheist (I am an atheist and I still did NA), make him go. He must have support from other addicts, it helps A LOT, more than anything else, I would say.
One last thing, and this is only my personal opinion. Take some acid... LSD... and talk it out. Talk about why he is using... how it feels and talk about how it makes YOU feel to see him use. Psychedelics have been shown to lessen the cravings for opiates BIG TIME. I personally tried to get clean for 4 years with no luck, then I took some LSD and really cracked the nut, so-to-speak. I tripped about 3 times over the course of 2 months into my detox, and I honestly say that it did more for me than ANYTHING else I have ever attempted in recovery. This is totally against NA mentality, but they don't know everything. In fact, if you ignore EVERYTHING else that I have written here, take this one piece of advice and TRY SOME LSD for recovery. It is a miracle worker. Believe me.

Good luck... this too shall pass.

Marz

I must say I don't fully agree. Drug testing is a good idea if it's mutual, but I don't think that he's going to use again if you aren't testing him. It's not like drug addicts don't know how to tamper with drug tests if they're that determined to pass them or that determined to use drugs. Also, I don't agree with forcing somebody into NA. Don't get me wrong, it can be extremely effective for many people and certainly is a better way to spend your time rather than using drugs, but if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. I know alcoholics who tell me that AA didn't work out for them. Last of all, it is agreeable that psychedelics have psychological healing potentials, but I wouldn't exactly SUGGEST to a recovering addict to be using illicit drugs. I'm not denying it works for some people, but for others it can really just rub them the wrong way, because psychedelics are so unpreditable. Each to his own, I just don't think it's good advice for everybody. I'm glad to hear what worked for you worked for you though.

 

[Smooches]

I can't thank you all enough for your different inputs. Of course not everything is going to work for everyone... The LSD theory sounds interesting... Something could potentially be terrible but could also be a great way to really talk and bond in a weird way.

I totally get what some of you are saying about moving, and how you can't run from yourself. But, like others have said sometimes moving away where you don't anyone related to drugs long enough to get clean for away is enough. We would plan to move back here because ALL of our families live here.

Financially we are having a really tough time... Mostly from him being out of work (lost his jobs a few times in the past 2 years). I believe his loss of jobs were definitely related to him being on, or lack there of, drugs. He has also spend so much of our money. We have talked about counciling and he would love to go, but he doesn't have insurance and there is no way we could afford a therapist... Any suggestions there?

 

[otm]

With the councilling idea, have you looked into what different drugs charities are operating in your area? You could get a drugs worker who could perform a similar role to a councillor or they may be able to offer councilling as part of their services.

Being out of work can really affect your self esteem imo. I have been back in work a few weeks but it was only something I was able to feel confident doing after I had massively cut down my amphetamine use.