my heroin battle

[WasteLand Warrior]

ok so i don't know what made me feel like saying this i guess telling my story/experience with this heroin run i've been on. that's what i like to call it when i get caught up in the dope game. i've been battling with heroin for 11 yrs and when i was in my younger days i literally lived for it! i'd do anything to get it sell pussy, pawn anything and everything of value, boost, rob dope boys whatever i had to do. i lived in the most rancid conditions you can think of. Hung around the most degenerate vile people you can think of! i literally sold my soul to be honest its scary sometimes i really feel like i have no soul!! Like i truly lost all innocence! i feel so lost sometimes and feel like i'm destined to b alone n a fuck up! Anyways i've been to county jail lots of times, prison once, rehab 4 times nothing works i always go back to my one love heroin! I'm a 29 yr old female and i hate being a junkie! anyways when i was younger i would do anything. i've been a functioning addict (at least in junkie terms i'm functioning lol!) which is weird cuz usually its the other way around! i have a pretty good job i'm a cook. everybody in the resturant industry gets fucked up! who can blame us its super demanding and everybody is definatley underpaid! i never call off and never get super fucked up before work i always can perform my job. i don't look at myself like i'm that bad off compared to how i used to be cuz i have a good job i can afford my habit i don't break the law as much as i used to and ok so once i awhile when i'm broke a couple days before my pay check i'll see my sugar daddy. well i decided yesterday i needed to stop for awhile cuz i was starting to get out of hand! spending every paycheck around $900 every 2 weeks on dope i have a half a g a day habit. people at work and family started noticing. i started doing dumb junkie shit like getting high in public bathrooms and at work. i don't hang out with any of my friends right now i either work or spend my day copping going home and nodding off all day! i'm sick of busting my ass to work for dope! so anyways i bought 6 subs like 2 weeks ago cuz i was gonna quit then but of course i did'nt cuz a bitch got paid lol!!! anyway here i am sitting at home with $40 dollars to my name til wednesday so i surrendered yesterday and took 1 and a half subs i felt shitty but not that bad it was my off day so i just layed around and dicked around on the computer and smoked loud in cleveland thats what we call kind bud all day. today i took a half a sub and feel fine i just feel weird cuz i'm not high. to be honest i hate being sober!! i have no energy i don't feel like doing shit. i just really wanna do dope but i know its gonna fuck my life up again and put me back in the situations i used to do when i was young. so i guess this post i'm asking other people how do you live without heroin in your life? or whats your experience with being a functioning addict? thanks guys much love! i hope i can stay clean for a lil bit i got 4 subs left and plan to stretch that and wean myself off on like a 2 week homemade i guess program

 

[da man]

it gets easier, time is a great healer for heroin cravings, and getting back to normal ish mentally, tho i still use a bit, but i work fulltime and always have pretty much. \so i too am a functioning addict. or as functioning as we can be anyway ,, good lick

 

[Bliss26]

For a person who's been on dope for over a decade, have you considered stabilizing on methadone or suboxone? At least it's better (and cheaper) than the alternative. It's saved many people's lives here.

 

[mankind]

ok so i don't know what made me feel like saying this i guess telling my story/experience with this heroin run i've been on. that's what i like to call it when i get caught up in the dope game. i've been battling with heroin for 11 yrs and when i was in my younger days i literally lived for it! i'd do anything to get it sell pussy, pawn anything and everything of value, boost, rob dope boys whatever i had to do. i lived in the most rancid conditions you can think of. Hung around the most degenerate vile people you can think of! i literally sold my soul to be honest its scary sometimes i really feel like i have no soul!! Like i truly lost all innocence! i feel so lost sometimes and feel like i'm destined to b alone n a fuck up! Anyways i've been to county jail lots of times, prison once, rehab 4 times nothing works i always go back to my one love heroin! I'm a 29 yr old female and i hate being a junkie! anyways when i was younger i would do anything. i've been a functioning addict (at least in junkie terms i'm functioning lol!) which is weird cuz usually its the other way around! i have a pretty good job i'm a cook. everybody in the resturant industry gets fucked up! who can blame us its super demanding and everybody is definatley underpaid! i never call off and never get super fucked up before work i always can perform my job. i don't look at myself like i'm that bad off compared to how i used to be cuz i have a good job i can afford my habit i don't break the law as much as i used to and ok so once i awhile when i'm broke a couple days before my pay check i'll see my sugar daddy. well i decided yesterday i needed to stop for awhile cuz i was starting to get out of hand! spending every paycheck around $900 every 2 weeks on dope i have a half a g a day habit. people at work and family started noticing. i started doing dumb junkie shit like getting high in public bathrooms and at work. i don't hang out with any of my friends right now i either work or spend my day copping going home and nodding off all day! i'm sick of busting my ass to work for dope! so anyways i bought 6 subs like 2 weeks ago cuz i was gonna quit then but of course i did'nt cuz a bitch got paid lol!!! anyway here i am sitting at home with $40 dollars to my name til wednesday so i surrendered yesterday and took 1 and a half subs i felt shitty but not that bad it was my off day so i just layed around and dicked around on the computer and smoked loud in cleveland thats what we call kind bud all day. today i took a half a sub and feel fine i just feel weird cuz i'm not high. to be honest i hate being sober!! i have no energy i don't feel like doing shit. i just really wanna do dope but i know its gonna fuck my life up again and put me back in the situations i used to do when i was young. so i guess this post i'm asking other people how do you live without heroin in your life? or whats your experience with being a functioning addict? thanks guys much love! i hope i can stay clean for a lil bit i got 4 subs left and plan to stretch that and wean myself off on like a 2 week homemade i guess program

I agree with the above poster. Someone in your position should seek a suboxone doctor ASAP. When those 4 subs run out, then what? It won't be enough. Get stabilized on soboxone to the point where even if you did use, you wont get high. You will get so frustrated after a while you will give up. Trust me, I've been there. Subs will allow you to get your life back together, but Dr's visits and prescriptions aren't cheap (if you're in the USA). Between the Dr. visit and Prescription, it costs me over $500 a month to be on 16mg of subs. It's worth it though if you are serious about getting your life back.

 

[sekio]

Od --> tds

 

[tacodude]

Definitely get on subs. The only way I can get off Heroin is oxymorphone myself and that's just trading one problem for another. I even would use with dilaudid as they are short lived. Subs will probably help you a lot where methadone will just be a way for you to stay on opiates. I highly recommend avoiding methadone even though suboxone is another opiate that will need to be quit in the end

 

[chitownskag]

Subs are the way to go, I was in the same position a while back busting my ass doing doing flat work/concrete, and my pay checks would be gone in the matter of a few days. It's almost easier to not work, and obtain money/dope boosting shit or selling shit to support the habit.
Ive done the methadone route and its a great thing if you want to be committed to it for a long time, cuz coming off it is horrible, especially if you keep getting your dose upped and end up on more than 100mg a day. Subz r not exactly easy to get off of either but alot easier than methadone. If your insurance will cover it id try subz. I am still getting off shit, but haven't been on subz for 3 months now and currently 2 days off kratom n still not feeling too great but my withdrawals are not that bad at all the process of getting off dope was not too painful at all so far this time. Bupe is nice if you can get it.