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My Grandma just died and I am feelingless.

lars90

lars90

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 11, 2012
Messages
523
Location
Germany/USA
So I was just oin a school trip for a week, Im 15 by the way. I just got back and yesturday my vather sent me a text message telling me my grandma died. I got a little depressed but that was all I mean Im still in that state and I just cant belive. I meen I have never had a family member that important thaqt I also really knew die. And its like if this was a movie and its all fake and none of it is true. I dont know why but I just cant belive it. I acted normal all day today and half of yestuday Its like I dont knów what to act like and if it were only a small thing.
Until now I have always cryed or felt horrible when my animals died like are 19 year old cat or my rabbit. I just cant take it for reality. IT seems so blurry or like a bad joke. I came back home tofday and my parents acted normal and we didnt talk about it Im to scared of talking about it But this is diffrent its real and I have no Idea why its this way.
I dont even know why Im making a thread about this I guess I just need a few people to talk to.
 
Cheer up Lars <3 I'm keeping your family in my thoughts.
I wish life could be easier on us all, but death is something that we simply cannot avoid.
When the grieving period is over, I hope you find happiness and can celebrate the life that your grandmother experienced
 
I'm sorry for your loss lars. Sadly, this is all something we have to go through eventually and it's normal for you to be at a loss as far as your feelings go, and to be a bit confused about everything, if you've never lost a person before. Don't be afraid to talk about it with your family, but bear in mind it might help - but it might not as well. One of my grandfathers passed away in april and I couldn't talk to my mom about it because it hurt me too much to see her so upset (and I can't talk to my dad about personal stuff). Talking to a friend or someone who wasn't as close to her could be better, but that really depends on you.
 
i don't think it's derealization. Not accepting what happened as reality is a natural instinct of your brain to protect you. It will set in soon enough. Feel free to express your emotions and let it go through you. This is all pretty normal and part of the process. Sorry for your loss.
 
Lars, I have experienced the same thing when my grandmother died and again when my father died. I think part of it is because you weren't there to actually see what led up to the death that it has a sense of unreality. My father and I lived in different states and even two years after he died I would sometimes feel like it wasn't really real--like it was just the usual distance of miles between us.

Like RobotRipping said, the feelings will come. There is no right or wrong way to feel about death. Everybody grieves and releases pain in their own way. The only thing that seemed odd to me was that your parents didn't talk to you about it at all when you got home. Watch out for the trap that sometimes happens in families dealing with grief: if everyone is avoiding talking about it because they don't want to upset the other person. The consequences of this trap are that no one can express the grief and everyone feels isolated and alone in their sadness.

I am very sorry for your loss.<3
 
Well we talked no tires rolled down any of are eyes and we talkes about her last words about her state of mind she was in when sher left us and that she was on opiates to kill the pain when she had pain. I actually was going to visit her but it went to fast sadly. See I dont want this to be post traumatic or anything I want to get over it and be glad she was the mkost important woman in my vathers life and that she had a great life. I am to but its like that opne time I got coought with weed in school when I was 12 I didnt understanbd thatwhat I was doing was wrong and that it was illegal and what it did do my body I just wanted to try it out. So I actually sat in the directers officice for like 3 hours not undersnatnding what I had done wrong and what the concequences were until finally a freind told me to shut the hell up before we got into even more truble. It was like I dindt really undersdtand it until the directer told me that I was suspewnded from all public schools for 1 whole year (luckely I just wasent alowed to go to schoool for the rest of the last quarter yerar and I was going back to germany after that.)
And no my state is like Im still waiting telling tzhe police shit and not understanding what happend. EWhy cant I jnust cry about it and get over all of this. I mean its like I dont even care. The depressions arent half as stong as the ones I had when I quit with drugs. Somthings just not going right here.
 
^ Where you close to your grandma, lars?

Sometimes we just don't feel anything when a family member dies--We may feel like we should since they were family and all, but we don't, and I've accepted that that is okay. *Shrug*
 
addictivepersona said:
^ Where you close to your grandma, lars?

Sometimes we just don't feel anything when a family member dies--We may feel like we should since they were family and all, but we don't, and I've accepted that that is okay. *Shrug*
Click to expand...

I saw her once a year and I once spent 1 whole year with her but not really that close.
 
^ Then perhaps that's why you are feelingless, as you put it in your original post. I saw my grandpa occasionally, typically once a year, and when I found out he passed it made no impact on me. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. Not everyone is close to their family.
 
What you are experiencing is a completely normal reaction to death. Everyone reacts to death differently. For example, when my dad died (we were extremely close) I did not feel because I was afraid that if I let myself truly feel the grief I would never stop crying. Then I noticed that some people at his funeral who barely knew him were sobbing intensely. All natural reactions.

Subsequently, when people I hardly know die, I get really sad, but I am really just feeling some of the sadness for my dad.

Sometimes when pets die we get really sad and sometimes when people die we feel nothing at all...it all falls into the normal category. Feelings cannot be mandated.

Lars,I am really sorry for your loss. Just keep doing what you are doing, and if you never get sad, that is OK. Loss is a complex thing!
 
I'm so sorry for your loss.

There's no right or wrong way to grieve. You're going to deal with the loss however you deal with it. When my grandma died, I was an absolute wreck. I cried myself to sleep for 2 weeks straight. However, my brother showed no emotion. Everyone is different, and that's especially true with grieving <3
 
I'm sorry for your loss I also have had people die who were close to me and it's never easy. I wrote a thread about it here in TDS where people gave excellent advice. Grieve all you want but take it one day at a time, and realize that time heals your hurt and pain.
 
Lars, first of all I'm really sorry for your loss. You have my sympathies.

It's very normal to feel a kind of emotional numbness when a close family member dies. Often the enormity of the loss is too much to properly take in so we go into a kind of shock. This can be useful as it allows us to function those first few days and adjust to the loss on a rational, rather than emotional level, which can help us deal with the emotional repercussions more easily when they do kick in later on. That's probably the reason for it. It's almost hard-wired into us I think.

It may be that if you didn't feel especially close to your Grandmother that you're not going to feel the kind of strong emotions you perhaps think you 'ought' to be feeling. That's ok. Each of us feels grief in our own unique way, just as each cause of that grief is unique in its way. There's no one right way or wrong way to deal with the death of a family member, and nothing to say you should feel grief intensely just because others appear to do so. You feel what you feel. So long as you feel ok with it, and you're not bottling up and repressing an emotion trying not to feel it as a defence mechanism, in a way that's likely to come bursting out at a later date and cause you problems it's fine.

Herbavore's point about the not talking grief trap is a good one. I'd encourage you to bring the subject up as often as you need and keep talking till you feel you don't need to talk no more. That may prove valuable for them, and more importantly for you if it allows you to open up and explore whatever it is that you're really feeling.

N
 
Sorry for your loss. I just found out yesterday that my grandpa passed from a brain tumor, he had lung cancer last year and beat it, didn't even know about the tumor. This is the 3rd grandparent that has died in 10 months in my family and i just dont think i can handle another funeral this year. So i definitely know what you'r going through, life is very unfair especially to those who don't deserve it. But i hope you are doing ok.
 
I'm sorry for your loss, wats615. That is a lot of death in a short span of time. Celebrate the connection you had with them, the way you got to have them in your life enough to care about them and they about you. I'm sure you brought them a lot of joy.<3
 
Thank you. its really hard i am still in denial im pretty sure. i just wish i could have spent more time with them.
 
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