Hi All,
I thought I would share with you guys the events that have transpired over the course of the past year. I would love any feedback on how I might better process these events in my mind and what I should expect moving forward.
Basically, I am a clean cut guy who grew up on the east coast. I went to an all boys prep school and in my sophomore year was reunited with a middle school girlfriend of mine. We met one another in the 5th grade and were great friends. When we both left middle school for high school, she went to a catholic all girls school and I went to a catholic all boys school. I couple years passed until I ran into her at a concert and I immediately fell in love with her. After weeks of courting her, we began dating and we were a happy couple. Although, I always noticed that when it came to facing difficult situations, she would simply try and run as far away from them as possible, not even confronting them or discussing them. If anything made her unhappy, she wanted no part of it. Anyway, we dated throughout college, and upon graduating I moved to London for 2 years and then made my way to Manhattan where my girlfriend was living and studying at nursing school. While in New York, I was introdced to H, and I quickly became hooked. I had always been a partier and somewhat of a drinker (never really during the week) and she knew that. She knew I was a frat boy and that I would go hard on the weekends. this was okay to her. But as my heroin habit progressed, I fell into a darker and darker place. She had literally no idea that her nice, charming high school sweetheart was doing this. And then after 6 months of IVing heroin and many attempts at quitting but with no luck, I threw in the towel, saw my parents over a long weekend and told them everything. I went into withdrawal that weekend and on Sunday was on a plane headed to rehab. My girlfriend had absolutely no idea any of this was happening, and the last thing she probably ever thought her boyfriend ever to do was stick a needle in his arm. I had my best friend tell her everything, where I was headed and what had been going on for the past 6 months. She was stunned and speechless. Literally. Apparently she could not get a word out once my best friend told her.
So there I was sitting in rehab last year, in shock myself that my life had somehow gotten to this point. And of course I was thinking about my girlfriend. I tried calling her from rehab (we had not spoken at all since before I left to see my parents for the long weekend). She did not answer. After a few more attempts, the number I had called from had been blocked. I was stunned. After 8 years of dating, and discussions about marriage, she was nowhere to be found when I needed her most. I realized however, how much this must have hurt her.
Anyway, upon leaving rehab and going back to new york. I wrote her a very long letter telling her about everything and apologizing for the pain I had caused her. She wrote me back and said "I am glad you have found help. Moving forward please do not contact me". I couldnt believe it. But I respected her wishes. We texted months later back and forth about nothing really. just about how sorry I was and how I missed her. No conversation about my addiction or anything that had happened to me, or how i was doing, or where I was eber occurred. to this day, not one conversation has been had between us about everything thats happened. She has not asked me one question. Not even why i did this. or how i could have done this. After 8 years of one of the most intense relationships you really own read about or see in the movies, she has simply decided to act as if I died.
What do you guys think? Is this a normal reaction? Do any of you guys have loved ones that went through this and did you decide to support them or leave? all i can think is that i love this girl so much, that I of course would have been there for her in her time of need. And boy, did I need her more than ever. And she wasn't there for me. Is that selfish to say? I am in shock, because this person was my best friend in the world, and I want her so much to be by my side cheering me on as I work my recovery program. yet, she is nowhere to be found. She simply got up and left with no questions asked. no conersation, no closure. no nothing. thanks so hearing me out guys. comments are appreciated!
I thought I would share with you guys the events that have transpired over the course of the past year. I would love any feedback on how I might better process these events in my mind and what I should expect moving forward.
Basically, I am a clean cut guy who grew up on the east coast. I went to an all boys prep school and in my sophomore year was reunited with a middle school girlfriend of mine. We met one another in the 5th grade and were great friends. When we both left middle school for high school, she went to a catholic all girls school and I went to a catholic all boys school. I couple years passed until I ran into her at a concert and I immediately fell in love with her. After weeks of courting her, we began dating and we were a happy couple. Although, I always noticed that when it came to facing difficult situations, she would simply try and run as far away from them as possible, not even confronting them or discussing them. If anything made her unhappy, she wanted no part of it. Anyway, we dated throughout college, and upon graduating I moved to London for 2 years and then made my way to Manhattan where my girlfriend was living and studying at nursing school. While in New York, I was introdced to H, and I quickly became hooked. I had always been a partier and somewhat of a drinker (never really during the week) and she knew that. She knew I was a frat boy and that I would go hard on the weekends. this was okay to her. But as my heroin habit progressed, I fell into a darker and darker place. She had literally no idea that her nice, charming high school sweetheart was doing this. And then after 6 months of IVing heroin and many attempts at quitting but with no luck, I threw in the towel, saw my parents over a long weekend and told them everything. I went into withdrawal that weekend and on Sunday was on a plane headed to rehab. My girlfriend had absolutely no idea any of this was happening, and the last thing she probably ever thought her boyfriend ever to do was stick a needle in his arm. I had my best friend tell her everything, where I was headed and what had been going on for the past 6 months. She was stunned and speechless. Literally. Apparently she could not get a word out once my best friend told her.
So there I was sitting in rehab last year, in shock myself that my life had somehow gotten to this point. And of course I was thinking about my girlfriend. I tried calling her from rehab (we had not spoken at all since before I left to see my parents for the long weekend). She did not answer. After a few more attempts, the number I had called from had been blocked. I was stunned. After 8 years of dating, and discussions about marriage, she was nowhere to be found when I needed her most. I realized however, how much this must have hurt her.
Anyway, upon leaving rehab and going back to new york. I wrote her a very long letter telling her about everything and apologizing for the pain I had caused her. She wrote me back and said "I am glad you have found help. Moving forward please do not contact me". I couldnt believe it. But I respected her wishes. We texted months later back and forth about nothing really. just about how sorry I was and how I missed her. No conversation about my addiction or anything that had happened to me, or how i was doing, or where I was eber occurred. to this day, not one conversation has been had between us about everything thats happened. She has not asked me one question. Not even why i did this. or how i could have done this. After 8 years of one of the most intense relationships you really own read about or see in the movies, she has simply decided to act as if I died.
What do you guys think? Is this a normal reaction? Do any of you guys have loved ones that went through this and did you decide to support them or leave? all i can think is that i love this girl so much, that I of course would have been there for her in her time of need. And boy, did I need her more than ever. And she wasn't there for me. Is that selfish to say? I am in shock, because this person was my best friend in the world, and I want her so much to be by my side cheering me on as I work my recovery program. yet, she is nowhere to be found. She simply got up and left with no questions asked. no conersation, no closure. no nothing. thanks so hearing me out guys. comments are appreciated!
