• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

My gambling addiction, the path to suicide!

Bare_head

Bare_head

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 7, 2005
Messages
3,051
Location
UK
So guys I don't vacate these boards much if at all anymore, but I know ease has some wonderful people on here who have alot of experience and good advice so I come here too ask for some understanding and advice, it all began 3 years ago when I deposited a measly 15 quid and began playing micro sit and go's on pokerstars, I ran like god for the first year, made like $20k slowly working my way up too bigger buy in mtt's (multi table tournaments)..

Over 3 years I had won $80k in prizes with a profit of nearly 60k.

This was playing exclusively tournaments and no cash games or the like, one night After busting in a 109$ mtt coming like 16th with 15k up top I got pissed off, so ended up playing some hyper turbo heads up games, began with some 30 dollar games lost a few, went up too the 60's, then ended up tilting my remaining 10k roll off being drugged up trying too win it back playing these stupid games, in 2 days I lost 7 grand english money! This is where shit began!

I depoisited like 300 n said right stop playing cash games or hyper turbos, and ran my 300 up too a respectible $2.2k.

Then again I played some pot limit Omaha and lost it all agen!

Since then I have deposited 3 grand British and have 1 grand left too my name altogether :/

I busted my roll this morning again btw which was like $1k which I won mainly from tournies!

I am sleeping all day, staying up all night, I am eating too survive, I dnt even wanna see my friends anymore, all I can think about is what if I didn't do that n didn't do this everything would be ok :/

So where do I go from here? Our town doesn't even have an ga meeting too go too (can u believe this?!?!?) I want help but I know I need too help myself, I sound pathetic but honestly this hobby that turned into an addiction is like any addiction too me, the thrill of cash games is what I get a kick out of! Grinding mtt's all day gets boring but least I made money! I'm currently running like $6k under ev according too Holden manager, but as anyone with a mathematical mind knows expected ev means shit when cards are just luck at the end of the day, I know what bankroll management is and everything snd I'm pretty clued up when it comes too other things but these cash games have got s grip on me ( and I'm s really bad cash player :/)

I really have been Comtemplating suicide, I know my mum hates seeing me like this but I have no children and feel like suicide is the only answer too stop my addiction! I have OCD and am an obsessive sort of guy, I have had thoughts of suicide before but always been scared too die, but I getting too the point now where I feel this may be my only answer! I can't stop playing poker! I dnt go into the bookies and gamble and have always been tight with my money, until I found that so much money out there too be won I disprespected my own cash and thought meh I will make it back, looks like this last grand is gonna go on poker if I don't somehow take drastic action!

Anyone had similar experiences? How did you cope? Anyone had any loved ones relatives been through this? I just need someone too talk too before I end up doing something silly!

I'm sorry for this plea I sound so pathetic I know! But never have I felt this bad, all I can think of is poker n money :(

Any advice or comments much appreciated
 
Withdraw your money and send them a request asking to be banned for 5 years - with all the sites of course! Tell yourself that you can play again in 5 years, and I guarantee that when 5 years rolls round you won't want to. The thing that made me stop was that I realised at the end of the day it is all luck. There is very little skill in it. They put so much effort in to convincing you that the people who win big money are there through skill, but once you know the basic odds like everyone round the good tables does that's it. There will always be people at the top because millions of people play!

I recommend spending that grand on something that takes up your time and keeps your mind occupied for the next couple of weeks - perhaps a good holiday? I bet you're doing that thing where you play until you collapse, then spending all night dreaming about it. Just say enough is enough. You spent a couple of years playing poker and it only cost you a few grand... That's thousands of hours of 'fun', so walk away contented. It is a lonely hobby too. It certainly isn't worth killing yourself over :)
 
I've been lucky enough never to really get gambling, but been close to a few who do and it and it is, without a doubt, the most destructive addiction on earth, because there's no limits to it. Sorry I can't do anything more but wish you good luck finding a way of dealing with it.
 
I don't have any experience with gambling addiction but I believe it's considered to be one of the toughest addictions to break for several reasons, a major one being "partial reinforcement". I read a good article on it a while ago but unfortunately I can't find it just now.

Are you seeing a therapist of some kind? You say you need someone to talk to - and in my opinion you're quite right, especially if you're having suicidal thoughts! Certainly as a first step, you need someone who you can speak to openly, in depth, about it.

Find a therapist/counsellor. My own does "person centred" therapy and she's great.
 
spudgun said:
Fiver each way[/

least someone can make a joke about it , made me smile anyways :).

Thanks for the serious advice, if I ban myself from ring games I know I can make it bk into the poker world, but this is degenerate thinking!

Thanks for the serious reponse, I thought some people who are addicted too drugs and the like can see that gambling is up there with the worst of addictions!

Mr smokes blunt, that post seems so close too home and at the same time makes so much sense. Thank you for your serious advice and hasn't trolled my serious issue. I suffer with bipolar too and I am losing the will too live anymore, I used too be scared of death but now I'm embaracing it! I think I should go see a doctor but I feel gp's dnt understand gambling addiction as it's not physically addictive!

I really jus wanna sleep tonight, bit have been in bed all day! Depression has set in!

I know what's going too happen but I cnt stop it, too think 3 months ago I had 20k too name and was qulaifying for ukipt events and the like, now I can't even afford a 20 bag of bud because my income is non existant, god I'm such a hopeless degen! And too think I am tight with my money :/ ffs!

I am going too ban myself from ring games as of now, that may help some as I cnt lose $100 in one hand !

I wnt stop playing mtt's, I know that much but if I lose this last k then at least I can't spend anymore money on it! Maybe it's for the best I bust everything, then at least I will be free from this hell n maybe start looking for a job, hard though at 24 after being sacked from my last job over 3 years ago.

I do play till exhaustion and do dream about it through the day.

This addiction is much worse than any drug addiction I have ever suffered, it's like mental torture, again thanks for the serious resposes they do make me feel better about this, I feel so lonely at the moment and a forum is the only way I can talk as those close too me arnt the best people too confront about it
Click to expand...
 
knockando said:
I don't have any experience with gambling addiction but I believe it's considered to be one of the toughest addictions to break for several reasons, a major one being "partial reinforcement". I read a good article on it a while ago but unfortunately I can't find it just now.

Are you seeing a therapist of some kind? You say you need someone to talk to - and in my opinion you're quite right, especially if you're having suicidal thoughts! Certainly as a first step, you need someone who you can speak to openly, in depth, about it.


Find a therapist/counsellor. My own does "person centred" therapy and she's great.
Click to expand...

heya, yeh I had a councellor though she discharged me because I wasn't participating in the things she was giving me, like booklets and things, but she helped alot me just going and venting all my frustration too her, again thanks for the response, means alot for you too take your time out
 
hard to find a job at 24? NO. that's just bullshit to continue gambling. you say you want to stop, but say you won't stop playing? get real. you can't have it both ways. you have to make a commitment to yourself to stop, a serious one, and recognize any thoughts that will result in gambling and remind yourself of your commitment.

i recommend this book. you can buy it for like £3 second hand.
 
knockando said:
You have $1k left? Don't fritter it away, buy yourself some counselling!
Click to expand...

Well like 2k, yeh knockado your right I'm gonna go see someone about this asap, like tomorrow there is this guy that specalises in gambling, gonna email him now! N ur right mate I need someone who understands me.
 
Bare_head said:
Well like 2k, yeh knockado your right I'm gonna go see someone about this asap, like tomorrow there is this guy that specalises in gambling, gonna email him now! N ur right mate I need someone who understands me.
Click to expand...

Nice move! Hope it goes well.
 
i against i said:
hard to find a job at 24? NO. that's just bullshit to continue gambling. you say you want to stop, but say you won't stop playing? get real. you can't have it both ways. you have to make a commitment to yourself to stop, a serious one, and recognize any thoughts that will result in gambling and remind yourself of your commitment.

i recommend this book. you can buy it for like £3 second hand.
Click to expand...

Well in mtt's I am a winner, it's ring games I have a problem with, so unless u understand the differences in the games then you probably dnt know what I mean by saying I gonna play mtt's for life but ring games are what I'm addicted too

thanks for the link, n the harsh words do help somewhat I need a kick in the face tbh
 
Good luck with it, I don't have any real experience of gambling but I do know that at 24, although it may not seem like it now, you're too young to die. You can get through this and look back on it as your crazy early twenties from a better position in the future. I have no practical advice, but would echo what people are already saying about counselling.... that and banning yourself from as many sites as possible.
 
And I will find it hard too get a job that I wud enjoy because I wud have too try explainign too my future employers how I suffer depression and have been sacked from my last two jobs :( Orghhhh fuck this shit !!!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top