nlg420
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2013
- Messages
- 2
Hi, I'm a 24yr old female, drug of choice is dope (don't like calling it meth cus it sounds dirty). Must be because of denial, or I'm sure that's what a councler would say. Never thought I'd be one to use after how much it fucked up my child hood, and how much it's fucked up a lot of my adult hood, but wouldn't you know I've been using it for about 7 mos now. Keeping my use in check only doing it to help with keeping up with the house and my 3 kids. Thought everything was going good, I sleep every night, I eat everyday, I can make a gram last 5 days, and then my whole world falls around me.
I joined this site because of yesterday. Looking online for answers for any sort of help and every search brought me here, should I have went to the ER and faced my consequences? Probably, but the thought of my children growing up with out their mom, in and out of foster homes and different family members homes, just brought back memories from my childhood.
I like to smoke out of a bong, it's smoother and tastes better, if I got a lot of shit to accomplish or my mans in town from his 10 day stretch we might do some hot rails, but bongs are our choice. I have NEVER drank the water or even thought about keeping it! For one the thought of it just sounds disgusting and for 2 it's an easy way for my kids to get ahold of it. When it's time to change the juice or water in there it goes DOWN the sink! Well wouldn't you know a buddy comes over and my man tells him to change out the water. I hadn't changed it in about 2 weeks. So this water was pretty god damn potent. Even so I would of still dumped it.
I'm never feigning, I always have plenty to spare and never have to worry about it. I keep it up an hidden so my kids never find it or see me smoke.
Well he keeps the shit and drinks it like a dumb fuck. He poured it in a water bottle an put it in my fridge, I had no knowledge of this until yesterday, no fuckinh clue about it! Until I meet my daughter at the bus stop and the bus driver tells me she was puking on the bus. So we walk home and I'm asking her what she ate and drank at school, and she just starts rambling running out of breath and sucking her lips. We get home and I sit down and really start looking at her. And it clicks. She's fucking high! My heart drops and I ask her what she drank at home she tells me about this blue kool aid in the fridge that she thought was water and only took a little drink cus it was grosse. I freak out and ask what she did with the bottle and go rummaging through the garbage outside trying to figure out exactly how much she drank. It was spilt all over the garbage bag. I couldn't figure out how much she drank. I am ready to take her to the ER, I call my sister and talk to her about what happened when her kids got hers. But nothing ever happened. They didn't even show any signs of getting ahold of it. I'm done I make my man get rid of any paraphernalia out, any drugs, all of it. Wouldn't you know he kept the shit in his pocket. Said he doesn't want to waste a full ball! What a fucking selfish prick! Everyone calms me down keeps me from rushing her to the hospital. I make her chug milk and get her to vommit a few times and eat as much bread as she can. Even tho I have to force her to eat it cus she's not hungry. And drink water all night. I took her temperature all night and watch for any signs of an OD. Try to get ahold of dipshit who left that shit in my fridge so I can get him to come over and beat the fuck out of him but he won't answer or return my phone calls. Turns out my sister asked him about it. And after she said something he quit talking to her too. When I see that dumb fuck again I'm gonna beat him to a bloody pulp. I know I can't take the blame away from me, that its my responsibility to make sure my kids are safe. And I fucked up. After all my precautions and carefulness I still let it effect my daughter. I let her sleep with me last night, even tho she didn't do much sleeping. But I didn't want her to be anywhere but near me.
It is now the next night. And she is fine. I'm trying to get her to go to bed, letting her lay down in my room again. I have never been so afraid in my life. I can't talk to anyone about it.cant release any of my fears or worries.
You know what's even more fucked up I kinda want to smoke a bowl. But I haven't smoked since before my daughter came home. It just feels wrong to even want to. How my man was able to an then able to stay up all night and day is beyond me.
But there ya go. My fucked up introduction.
I joined this site because of yesterday. Looking online for answers for any sort of help and every search brought me here, should I have went to the ER and faced my consequences? Probably, but the thought of my children growing up with out their mom, in and out of foster homes and different family members homes, just brought back memories from my childhood.
I like to smoke out of a bong, it's smoother and tastes better, if I got a lot of shit to accomplish or my mans in town from his 10 day stretch we might do some hot rails, but bongs are our choice. I have NEVER drank the water or even thought about keeping it! For one the thought of it just sounds disgusting and for 2 it's an easy way for my kids to get ahold of it. When it's time to change the juice or water in there it goes DOWN the sink! Well wouldn't you know a buddy comes over and my man tells him to change out the water. I hadn't changed it in about 2 weeks. So this water was pretty god damn potent. Even so I would of still dumped it.
I'm never feigning, I always have plenty to spare and never have to worry about it. I keep it up an hidden so my kids never find it or see me smoke.
Well he keeps the shit and drinks it like a dumb fuck. He poured it in a water bottle an put it in my fridge, I had no knowledge of this until yesterday, no fuckinh clue about it! Until I meet my daughter at the bus stop and the bus driver tells me she was puking on the bus. So we walk home and I'm asking her what she ate and drank at school, and she just starts rambling running out of breath and sucking her lips. We get home and I sit down and really start looking at her. And it clicks. She's fucking high! My heart drops and I ask her what she drank at home she tells me about this blue kool aid in the fridge that she thought was water and only took a little drink cus it was grosse. I freak out and ask what she did with the bottle and go rummaging through the garbage outside trying to figure out exactly how much she drank. It was spilt all over the garbage bag. I couldn't figure out how much she drank. I am ready to take her to the ER, I call my sister and talk to her about what happened when her kids got hers. But nothing ever happened. They didn't even show any signs of getting ahold of it. I'm done I make my man get rid of any paraphernalia out, any drugs, all of it. Wouldn't you know he kept the shit in his pocket. Said he doesn't want to waste a full ball! What a fucking selfish prick! Everyone calms me down keeps me from rushing her to the hospital. I make her chug milk and get her to vommit a few times and eat as much bread as she can. Even tho I have to force her to eat it cus she's not hungry. And drink water all night. I took her temperature all night and watch for any signs of an OD. Try to get ahold of dipshit who left that shit in my fridge so I can get him to come over and beat the fuck out of him but he won't answer or return my phone calls. Turns out my sister asked him about it. And after she said something he quit talking to her too. When I see that dumb fuck again I'm gonna beat him to a bloody pulp. I know I can't take the blame away from me, that its my responsibility to make sure my kids are safe. And I fucked up. After all my precautions and carefulness I still let it effect my daughter. I let her sleep with me last night, even tho she didn't do much sleeping. But I didn't want her to be anywhere but near me.
It is now the next night. And she is fine. I'm trying to get her to go to bed, letting her lay down in my room again. I have never been so afraid in my life. I can't talk to anyone about it.cant release any of my fears or worries.
You know what's even more fucked up I kinda want to smoke a bowl. But I haven't smoked since before my daughter came home. It just feels wrong to even want to. How my man was able to an then able to stay up all night and day is beyond me.
But there ya go. My fucked up introduction.
