• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

My friend who has casual sex wont have sex with me

7

79skmp

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 14, 2013
Messages
27
Location
Los Angeles
I've known this guy for over 2 years. In the beginning, he chased me pretty hard. We dated for about a month, but he stopped pursuing me because he knew I was the type that would require a committed relationship, and he couldn't provide that (he told me this). Which was ok for me since I had JUST gotten out of a 3 year relationship. Cool - we became friends (I have completely infiltrated his circle - his friends <3 me) and we work together sometimes (freelance gigs).

Anyhow, we would try and start up dating again sometimes...but the same outcome occurred. No sex (we would usually fight before sex could occur 'cause he was an ass about something like being flaky/his phone etiquette). I realized that I didn't want to date him or have an emotional attachment to him...I just wanted a physical commitment from him (I am deathly afraid of catching an STD). He agreed to that and we both were excited (SMILES). It would be a physically exclusive FWB ordeal.

A few days later, he called off the arrangement and said that it would end badly...hearts would get broken, blah blah blah. I said they wouldn't...cause my heart was cool...but he INSISTED. We didn't even get to have sex. Weird.

Anyway, that occurred about a year ago...and I have just recently had my heart smashed and broken by my ex and am in no place for a relationship. Last weekend, we partied together and things got a little erotic. The only reason sex didn't occur was because we dropped methylone and it got to be 6AM...we were tired and he had to leave at 9am for a meeting. Plus we had been pretty sensual with each other for a few hours at that point. It was time to sleeeep.

A couple of days later I wanted to "pick up where we left off" and he totally freaked. I haven't heard from him today or yesterday and ...well...he's totally MIA.

My question is...what the hell? I'm finally in a place where I JUST want to have fun, kick back and enjoy the good times with no bull shit - but he won't sleep with me. I'm baffled by this. Any ideas?
 
he doesn't want to have sex with you. respect that and move on.

if you can't, you'll need to discuss this with him as, while we can guess, nobody here can tell you what's going through his head.

alasdair
 
alasdairm said:
he doesn't want to have sex with you. respect that and move on.

if you can't, you'll need to discuss this with him as, while we can guess, nobody here can tell you what's going through his head.

alasdair
Click to expand...

I can respect that...but why would he be sexual with me then...if he didn't want to do it period? Doesn't make sense. I've partied like that with many friends...and if we didn't wanna get sexual...we didn't. So...there has to be some interest there...or have I been officially friend-zoned?
 
Last edited:
since him wanting to be no serious commited sex a year ago, hes probably changed his mind for whatever reason. i mean yeah recently you guys seemed like it could have happened, but sometimes people just dont want to have casual sex with someone who might seem like a good contender. some people avoid FWB, because they can get tricky. that being said, yeah we dont know what hes thinking so i cant help you in that regard, i can just tell you that maybe another person will be a better fwb since he sounds too flaky anyway.
 
lalune said:
since him wanting to be no serious commited sex a year ago, hes probably changed his mind for whatever reason. i mean yeah recently you guys seemed like it could have happened, but sometimes people just dont want to have casual sex with someone who might seem like a good contender. some people avoid FWB, because they can get tricky. that being said, yeah we dont know what hes thinking so i cant help you in that regard, i can just tell you that maybe another person will be a better fwb since he sounds too flaky anyway.
Click to expand...

Oh, absolutely someone else would be better! Honestly, I've been really straight-edge my whole life and right now I'm trying to have some fun. Light-hearted fun...casual fun...which is exactly what he's wanted from me...and now apparently doesn't. It just confused me is all. And since I'm very new to this whole world of casual hookups...I was confused by his behavior. Also, are you saying that I'm the "good contender"?
 
Imagine if the sex roles were reversed OP. ;)

He doesn't wanna have sex, because hes afraid of hurting your feelings. I've known girls that said they wouldn't be hurt, and they were most definitely hurt by lack of a relationship.

Now there may be other reasons, but its what I think.
 
Why do you want to have sex with someone who engages in casual sex when you're afraid of catching an STD? There are some STD's like warts that condoms do not protect against. Also, using drugs no matter the intensity or lack there of can alter perception.

I know that you just had a break up and this recent rejection may seem a bit hurtful but, I am certain that there is another guy you could find for a FWB. Everyone gets rejected some time in their life whether it be a romantic rejection, job related or whatever.
 
Op, do you have an STD that you aren't telling us about. Is there something about you that he might only find attractive while on drugs?
 
79skmp said:
I can respect that...but why would he be sexual with me then...if he didn't want to do it period? Doesn't make sense. I've partied like that with many friends...and if we didn't wanna get sexual...we didn't. So...there has to be some interest there...or have I been officially friend-zoned?
Click to expand...
human sexuality isn't a line from 0 (asexual) to 100 (really sexual). it's a complex, many dimensional thing.

if you sincerely want answers to these questions - rather than just discuss them academically - you need to talk to him.

alasdair
 
79skmp said:
Oh, absolutely someone else would be better! Honestly, I've been really straight-edge my whole life and right now I'm trying to have some fun. Light-hearted fun...casual fun...which is exactly what he's wanted from me...and now apparently doesn't. It just confused me is all. And since I'm very new to this whole world of casual hookups...I was confused by his behavior. Also, are you saying that I'm the "good contender"?
Click to expand...

yeah people do change their minds. fwbs are tricky, a lot of people dont want to go into them cause they may find it hard to seperate feelings and sex, and thats a valid concern. but if you are just trying to have fun and pleasure, then yes you are a good contender for fwb (or casual sex in general or one night stand) but you also have to find someone who will be the same, but you know you wont develop emotions or feelings for. thats why you need to find someone you cant imagine ever dating or having a srs relationship, but being able to fuck, and thats it, just fuck, and of course next time youre in the mood you'll both be reliable to hook up. casual hook ups..just go with the flow, i think, if someone hits on you, dont be afraid to flirt back, etc. dont be confused, or feel personally affected by him saying no, it could have been for any reason, just think about someone you might have rejected and then you might sorta of see into his mindset. but other than who knows! just have fun and dont try to over think things (be a little spontaneous etc, but of course use discretion) :)
 
It would be a physically exclusive FWB ordeal.
Click to expand...

Physically exclusive? So it would have been a full-fledged relationship, sans 'I love u' and romantic stuff? Wonder why he changed his mind :P
Anyway, he stopped chasing you, he is not willing to have casual sex with you... don't force the poor guy, maybe he is convinced that things won't work and choose to invest in more profitable romantic endeavours
 
Well, damn. If this doesn't highlight the primary difference between men and women. This girl is upset about one guy who won't have sex with her. If I made a thread about every woman that wouldn't have sex with me, I'd of started every thread on the first page.
 
^ Lol, well this is common knowledge. Women are suppose to be able to sleep with whomever they choose.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
^ Lol, well this is common knowledge. Women are suppose to be able to sleep with whomever they choose.
Click to expand...

That is so incredibly sexist. This is not how it "SHOULD" be. I can't deny that's how it tends to be but it certainly shouldn't be that way.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top