Hi there,
I've started using drugs 8 months ago. My first experience with drugs was when i smoked weed for a first time and then at the same night i snorted speed combined it with alcohol and than took a LSD at party.
I never used any drugs before, so it was really blasting experience. I enjoyed it whole night until we got home. 5 people who never took LSD before were standing in same room looking to each other, laughing, having fun, talking about the night and so on.. everything was so great until one friend got scared of it lasting so long (reached 16 hours). After he said "this inst good" i got scared like hell. I saw fear in his eyes and he was walking around , exiting the room and i felt something was wrong. Suddenly i started to have all negative toughs and i feared of ending up like this and getting schizophrenia. Somehow i got calm but i fought with my thoughts about an hour.
Now after i have told you my first drug experience, i think i can tell you what I am worried about today.
I liked LSD so much even i had experienced fear which could be similar to panic attack although i am not sure about it because i calmed myself down. I've been taking LSD several times a month back then, and every time it was perfect experience, with some fears that i could easily get out of my head. Every time i took it with some new people, that were taking it for a first time, after i told them how good that is. They all liked it.
At new years eve i tried ecstasy for the first time, i liked it so much that i kept using it once a week, or 2 times a month.
Than my birthday came, 4 months ago. 3 days of rolling , 60 hours awake, didn't think at all how bad it can end.
At Friday we started to smoke a lot of weed, at Friday night we took speed and went out for a party, came back home and didn't sleep at all, we were just drinking alcohol all day and smoking weed, and than at Saturday night we took again a lot of speed and went out at a party, where we took ecstasy. Than we came back home and took a hit of LSD at "after party". Me and my 8 friends, and 4 unknown guys joined us and took LSD too.
How stupid we were, right? Setting was so bad, we didn't know each other so good, we were exhausted, and we smoked a lot, really a lot of weed.
Than it started, we were feeling good everything was fine, and than.. suddenly i got scared. I realized LSD experience was much more intense that it was ever before. I felt like i took 5 times more hits than i really took.
I started thinking how I'm going to end up like this forever, and how I'm going to suffer schizophrenia. I couldn't switch my mind to think positive, every song that played sounded like from a horror movie.
When i couldn't be in that apartment anymore, because i was feeling really scared and bad, i went out for a walk to calm myself down. It worked, but i wasn't enjoying my trip anymore, i just waited it to end. That was the last time i took LSD.
After that i was using ecstasy 2-4 times a month, usually just one or two pills at night. Rolled for a two days in a row only maybe 2 or 3 times in last 6 months.
So we can say i wasn't abusing it too much. I felt great every time. I smoke weed almost every day, and i love it, it relaxes me and i can sometimes get in trance while listening to psychedelic music.
But I'm so scared of getting paranoia or schizophrenia, that i analyses my toughs, i analyses other people reactions when we talk on weed, some take some words serious some don't, if you know what i mean.
Someone when gets high thinks about music, thinks about how can he be more creative or whatever, and i think mostly about psychology, about hallucinations, about paranoia and so on. I think how it works and why it happens and so on i mostly think about peoples reactions, relations etc.
Once i got high with some girl that has some sort of paranoia because she started to thing how everything is against her, everyone is her enemy, and when she told me that she even thinks im her enemy, i got scared like shit.
It hit me so hard in my mind i don't know how to describe that feeling, maybe panic attack? My hearth rate went high, my mind was going so fast, had bad toughs coming up and i couldn't sit on one place calm so i had to take a walk to calm myself and drink water. All that because i could experience her fears for a second and got scared like hell. I think i experienced her paranoia than. I mean i didn't suffer from it, my mind just tough for few seconds how bad she lives and i could experience all her fears and that was hell.
And now, why i registered to this site is this.
I went to roll two days in a row with ecstasy and speed, at techno festival.
First day was great, i felt awesome, then we went home for a break, didn't sleep, smoked some strong skunk and i tripped good.
Than night came, and we went back to the festival, took again E. But this time i was afraid of something i don't know what and why before i took it. I think I was afraid that i'm doing brain damage and that this is bad to me, because i often think about it on comedowns, how ecstasy is bad for my health, my mind and so on. Than it hit me hard, so hard i felt bad. I got scared of loosing control over it, it happened for a first time to me on E, i thought i'm going to loose control over it and that i will end up on a bad trip. I thought it is impossible to have a bad trip on E before, because every time it was great, but this time i felt a little bit bad, and i got scared of it ending up like a bad trip. My vision reset if you know what i mean, maybe because of the intense light show or whatever, i had difficulties to look around, my picture was moving and it felt like having LSD hallucinations, i got scared of it..because i never experienced it before on E.
Somehow i restored control over my mind, focused on the music and calmed myself down and started to enjoy it.
Now my question is, should i stop using drugs? Is it going to end up bad next time, is my mind getting weaker? I want to take LSD again with my friends outside in nature while it is daylight, but I'm afraid that somehow i wont be able to control it.. because i experience that weed hits my thoughts harder , i mean i trip much more in my head..
Thank you in advance for reading my post,
Greetings from Mediterranean!
I've started using drugs 8 months ago. My first experience with drugs was when i smoked weed for a first time and then at the same night i snorted speed combined it with alcohol and than took a LSD at party.
I never used any drugs before, so it was really blasting experience. I enjoyed it whole night until we got home. 5 people who never took LSD before were standing in same room looking to each other, laughing, having fun, talking about the night and so on.. everything was so great until one friend got scared of it lasting so long (reached 16 hours). After he said "this inst good" i got scared like hell. I saw fear in his eyes and he was walking around , exiting the room and i felt something was wrong. Suddenly i started to have all negative toughs and i feared of ending up like this and getting schizophrenia. Somehow i got calm but i fought with my thoughts about an hour.
Now after i have told you my first drug experience, i think i can tell you what I am worried about today.
I liked LSD so much even i had experienced fear which could be similar to panic attack although i am not sure about it because i calmed myself down. I've been taking LSD several times a month back then, and every time it was perfect experience, with some fears that i could easily get out of my head. Every time i took it with some new people, that were taking it for a first time, after i told them how good that is. They all liked it.
At new years eve i tried ecstasy for the first time, i liked it so much that i kept using it once a week, or 2 times a month.
Than my birthday came, 4 months ago. 3 days of rolling , 60 hours awake, didn't think at all how bad it can end.
At Friday we started to smoke a lot of weed, at Friday night we took speed and went out for a party, came back home and didn't sleep at all, we were just drinking alcohol all day and smoking weed, and than at Saturday night we took again a lot of speed and went out at a party, where we took ecstasy. Than we came back home and took a hit of LSD at "after party". Me and my 8 friends, and 4 unknown guys joined us and took LSD too.
How stupid we were, right? Setting was so bad, we didn't know each other so good, we were exhausted, and we smoked a lot, really a lot of weed.
Than it started, we were feeling good everything was fine, and than.. suddenly i got scared. I realized LSD experience was much more intense that it was ever before. I felt like i took 5 times more hits than i really took.
I started thinking how I'm going to end up like this forever, and how I'm going to suffer schizophrenia. I couldn't switch my mind to think positive, every song that played sounded like from a horror movie.
When i couldn't be in that apartment anymore, because i was feeling really scared and bad, i went out for a walk to calm myself down. It worked, but i wasn't enjoying my trip anymore, i just waited it to end. That was the last time i took LSD.
After that i was using ecstasy 2-4 times a month, usually just one or two pills at night. Rolled for a two days in a row only maybe 2 or 3 times in last 6 months.
So we can say i wasn't abusing it too much. I felt great every time. I smoke weed almost every day, and i love it, it relaxes me and i can sometimes get in trance while listening to psychedelic music.
But I'm so scared of getting paranoia or schizophrenia, that i analyses my toughs, i analyses other people reactions when we talk on weed, some take some words serious some don't, if you know what i mean.
Someone when gets high thinks about music, thinks about how can he be more creative or whatever, and i think mostly about psychology, about hallucinations, about paranoia and so on. I think how it works and why it happens and so on i mostly think about peoples reactions, relations etc.
Once i got high with some girl that has some sort of paranoia because she started to thing how everything is against her, everyone is her enemy, and when she told me that she even thinks im her enemy, i got scared like shit.
It hit me so hard in my mind i don't know how to describe that feeling, maybe panic attack? My hearth rate went high, my mind was going so fast, had bad toughs coming up and i couldn't sit on one place calm so i had to take a walk to calm myself and drink water. All that because i could experience her fears for a second and got scared like hell. I think i experienced her paranoia than. I mean i didn't suffer from it, my mind just tough for few seconds how bad she lives and i could experience all her fears and that was hell.
And now, why i registered to this site is this.
I went to roll two days in a row with ecstasy and speed, at techno festival.
First day was great, i felt awesome, then we went home for a break, didn't sleep, smoked some strong skunk and i tripped good.
Than night came, and we went back to the festival, took again E. But this time i was afraid of something i don't know what and why before i took it. I think I was afraid that i'm doing brain damage and that this is bad to me, because i often think about it on comedowns, how ecstasy is bad for my health, my mind and so on. Than it hit me hard, so hard i felt bad. I got scared of loosing control over it, it happened for a first time to me on E, i thought i'm going to loose control over it and that i will end up on a bad trip. I thought it is impossible to have a bad trip on E before, because every time it was great, but this time i felt a little bit bad, and i got scared of it ending up like a bad trip. My vision reset if you know what i mean, maybe because of the intense light show or whatever, i had difficulties to look around, my picture was moving and it felt like having LSD hallucinations, i got scared of it..because i never experienced it before on E.
Somehow i restored control over my mind, focused on the music and calmed myself down and started to enjoy it.
Now my question is, should i stop using drugs? Is it going to end up bad next time, is my mind getting weaker? I want to take LSD again with my friends outside in nature while it is daylight, but I'm afraid that somehow i wont be able to control it.. because i experience that weed hits my thoughts harder , i mean i trip much more in my head..
Thank you in advance for reading my post,
Greetings from Mediterranean!
