First off, a little introduction. I'm a long time lurker -- first time poster on BlueLight. I've used opiates, specifically Oxycodone, Morphine and Methadone, for the last 4 or so years since 2008 when I was 18. I'm 22 now and my entire adult life has been spent in addiction. I started with OxyContin 20mg ERs and used IV from the first time. After my first shot (20mg IV) I burst out laughing and asked my friends why everyone didn't do this all the time. I had found my calling in the form of a small pink pill.
From then on I used whenever I could, a few times a week. By February 2009 I was full-on hooked on usage at least once a day and reaching 80mg daily. I lived with a 4 other people who all used various amounts. My friend KW was on my level, using every day and hooked. DM was a little less than us but still used whenever he could but didn't resort to the same tactics as KW and myself. ST, GR, DB, AF, AW and SM were all friends of mine who began use after KW and I introduced them to it. Eventually the majority of us were getting sick and scoring every day -- either Oxy20, MST100 and Methadone15 -- eventually KW, DM, GR and ST moved cities and ran from their addiction and managed to stay clean to various degrees. AF, AW, DB and SM stayed in our city and continued to use. After sometime we met DW who sold Oxy20s. At first only I could score from him and so I hooked up the others and made a cut, but eventually I introduced them all to him when I was trying to detox. DW would give us huge amounts on credit and I currently owe him over $10,000 and the same with the rest of us. I have detoxed and come through withdrawal the entire way over 15 times but I always relapse because I can go to this guy at any time and get stuff on credit and so I yo-yo from clean to binging every few weeks or months.
To pay off some debt, I ended up doing a series of crimes that landed me in jail for 6 months, probation for another 9. During my stint in prison I detoxed but the day I got out I thought I deserved a treat and got an OC80 and then 4 OC20s later in the day. The next day I burgled DW and took 8 cards on Oxy20, so 80 pills. This got me hooked again, and I continued use until now, 12 months later which brings me to the present.
I'm currently part-way through the process of applying for methadone. I have been entered into the system and have to fail 3 drug screening tests to make sure I'm dependant on opiates, and after that they will put me on until I reach a blockade dosage where I won't be sick and other opiates won't have any effect. This is a last resort for me, having been unable to remain clean for longer than a month ever, except for my time in jail. I know the downsides of methadone but I see no other way out other than death which I would prefer to avoid. I get terrible anxiety around anyone whenever I'm not wrapped in that blanket of opiates and the world seems terrifying. I have a long-term girlfriend who I have been with for 18 months and she uses occasionally but I haven't let her take enough to get a habit. She is the most wonderful woman and helps me when I'm sick -- she even used to give me her own pain meds when I couldn't score so that I wouldn't be ill. She works part-time in a shitty minimum wage job so that we can afford to eat and pay our bills even with me wasting all my money on Oxy. This is one of the main reasons for my going on the program because then my money can be used for real things and not go into my veins. Another reason is so that I will be stable enough to enter a training program where I want to study Addiction Therapy and become and Drug and Alcohol worker -- I want to make a difference and help people who are where I was and put these awful years to good use.
My first screening test is this Friday and will be ongoing for the next 2 Fridays after which point I'll be fully inducted to the program, see the doctor, and start finding my dosage. I'm not sure the purpose of this blog, or whether anyone will read it, but I'll be posting regularly the next few weeks with how my progress is going and detailed descriptions of the messy life I have to lead while waiting for it and hope that I can keep the plates spinning in my life for just a few weeks more.
Thank you for reading and I'd love any feedback, advice or personal stories that relate to my situation.
Wish me luck.
-RB.
From then on I used whenever I could, a few times a week. By February 2009 I was full-on hooked on usage at least once a day and reaching 80mg daily. I lived with a 4 other people who all used various amounts. My friend KW was on my level, using every day and hooked. DM was a little less than us but still used whenever he could but didn't resort to the same tactics as KW and myself. ST, GR, DB, AF, AW and SM were all friends of mine who began use after KW and I introduced them to it. Eventually the majority of us were getting sick and scoring every day -- either Oxy20, MST100 and Methadone15 -- eventually KW, DM, GR and ST moved cities and ran from their addiction and managed to stay clean to various degrees. AF, AW, DB and SM stayed in our city and continued to use. After sometime we met DW who sold Oxy20s. At first only I could score from him and so I hooked up the others and made a cut, but eventually I introduced them all to him when I was trying to detox. DW would give us huge amounts on credit and I currently owe him over $10,000 and the same with the rest of us. I have detoxed and come through withdrawal the entire way over 15 times but I always relapse because I can go to this guy at any time and get stuff on credit and so I yo-yo from clean to binging every few weeks or months.
To pay off some debt, I ended up doing a series of crimes that landed me in jail for 6 months, probation for another 9. During my stint in prison I detoxed but the day I got out I thought I deserved a treat and got an OC80 and then 4 OC20s later in the day. The next day I burgled DW and took 8 cards on Oxy20, so 80 pills. This got me hooked again, and I continued use until now, 12 months later which brings me to the present.
I'm currently part-way through the process of applying for methadone. I have been entered into the system and have to fail 3 drug screening tests to make sure I'm dependant on opiates, and after that they will put me on until I reach a blockade dosage where I won't be sick and other opiates won't have any effect. This is a last resort for me, having been unable to remain clean for longer than a month ever, except for my time in jail. I know the downsides of methadone but I see no other way out other than death which I would prefer to avoid. I get terrible anxiety around anyone whenever I'm not wrapped in that blanket of opiates and the world seems terrifying. I have a long-term girlfriend who I have been with for 18 months and she uses occasionally but I haven't let her take enough to get a habit. She is the most wonderful woman and helps me when I'm sick -- she even used to give me her own pain meds when I couldn't score so that I wouldn't be ill. She works part-time in a shitty minimum wage job so that we can afford to eat and pay our bills even with me wasting all my money on Oxy. This is one of the main reasons for my going on the program because then my money can be used for real things and not go into my veins. Another reason is so that I will be stable enough to enter a training program where I want to study Addiction Therapy and become and Drug and Alcohol worker -- I want to make a difference and help people who are where I was and put these awful years to good use.
My first screening test is this Friday and will be ongoing for the next 2 Fridays after which point I'll be fully inducted to the program, see the doctor, and start finding my dosage. I'm not sure the purpose of this blog, or whether anyone will read it, but I'll be posting regularly the next few weeks with how my progress is going and detailed descriptions of the messy life I have to lead while waiting for it and hope that I can keep the plates spinning in my life for just a few weeks more.
Thank you for reading and I'd love any feedback, advice or personal stories that relate to my situation.
Wish me luck.
-RB.
