My fault (a bit of a ramble)

[magic carp]

Three weeks now since I told you.
Three weeks since you ignored and brushed me off.
I had healed, forgotten, until I saw you last night.
Why was it so different then, than everyday since then?
Was it because you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen?
Again?
Or had I never really forgotten at all?
All these lies I have told myself, just to make it easier.
Just to hide from the fact that you have moved on
As though I never said I LOVE YOU.
Until last night I could accept the fact that there was someone
In your life, that wasn’t me.
Until last night I was happy. For you, and for me.
Until last night the knowledge that I had tried,
That I had laid my cards on the table was enough.
Until last night I blamed you that we never had a chance.
It was your decision, I had to accept it and move on.
I don’t have to. I don’t want to.
Because it was my fault we never had a chance.
Because you never really understood that what I was saying
Was I LOVE YOU.
You never saw my eyes when I said it.
You didn’t hear my words, or see my lips move.
You don’t know… and that’s my fault.

 

[E-girl]

yep, its another one of those poems where i start to quote part of it, and then end up quoting all of it.
*takes a deep breath*
i think we all lie to ourselves, to make ourselves feel better about a certain situation. i try to tell myself all the time that i am over my ex, who hurt me badly... but almost a year has gone by since those days... and months have gone by since i last saw him, or spoke to him. and i know that every time i see him, i will still, no matter what, get that anxious, nervous, butterflies-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach feeling, at seeing him, or at hearing his voice.
the heart makes emotional attachments that are much stronger than physical attachments. the heart tends to forgot what broke it.. all it cares it was made it love in the first place.
and then there's that other feeling....

You never saw my eyes when I said it.
You didn’t hear my words, or see my lips move.
...the feeling of it just being too late.
thank you, so much, for writing this.