jaymie
Bluelighter
At first I thought he'd been fired, but no, it was something else. I knew in my heart that you'd left us that way and I'll never forget the process I went through. First a teensy bit of schock, then relief, sadness, equal joy and pain. I could feel how happy you now were, free of the pain of your old body. I bet it was hard to let go at first, but soon you were back bathed in the best feeling we have memory of. It was okay with me that you were now gone from me, from us. In that moment there was one more soul born into our world and that's alright with me.
I'll never forget when Mom told me you left; 1:00pm just when you'd be sitting down to watch your soap opera "one life to live". Does that say something or what? Pardon my metaphorically enthused mind, you know I take after your wife. After Jon silently said you'd passed away, I knew in my heart your tearful joy at having escaped a body ridden with pain. Now you are really what you are more then ever before. I laughed because I knew you were having fun, but just because; I had to try and make it sound like a cry, because when your papa dies you don't laugh, you cry. But Dad I laughed I was so happy inside, you wouldn't believe. You had such a hard start, but you toughed it out like a true soldier. Had three beautiful children, I the youngest and supposedly a surpise you got furious thinking about, but what can I say you may even have surprised yourself because I always got treated like an angel. The last I'd talked to you, you sounded so good. I was tired from work, depressed, and wanted to be at your side. You lifted my heart and spread your wings over my pain and that was the beggining of something new and different for both of us. No more memories except in silent motion, I still feel you around me sometimes, like when I was in the bathroom and bent over to blow my nose. Was that you or do I just need glasses?
Mom jokingly suggested we let birds loose, but I don't know if we could do it stoically like you're supposed to when people die. Mom would make a joke and we'd all laugh, I'd try to keep a straight face and then we'd go and eat bbq chicken, ribs, shark, and shish kabobs; your favorite. You never were one for a conventional life and I thank you for raising me to question our suburban neighbors. "Friendly neighbor" as you called the guy who lives next to us with the ranger, the big pot belly and never talked to us, but always kept a nice lawn. I love you dad and it's gonna be hard, but I always tried to be a good swimmer. You never gave up for real and I never will either.
love,
jaymie
I'll never forget when Mom told me you left; 1:00pm just when you'd be sitting down to watch your soap opera "one life to live". Does that say something or what? Pardon my metaphorically enthused mind, you know I take after your wife. After Jon silently said you'd passed away, I knew in my heart your tearful joy at having escaped a body ridden with pain. Now you are really what you are more then ever before. I laughed because I knew you were having fun, but just because; I had to try and make it sound like a cry, because when your papa dies you don't laugh, you cry. But Dad I laughed I was so happy inside, you wouldn't believe. You had such a hard start, but you toughed it out like a true soldier. Had three beautiful children, I the youngest and supposedly a surpise you got furious thinking about, but what can I say you may even have surprised yourself because I always got treated like an angel. The last I'd talked to you, you sounded so good. I was tired from work, depressed, and wanted to be at your side. You lifted my heart and spread your wings over my pain and that was the beggining of something new and different for both of us. No more memories except in silent motion, I still feel you around me sometimes, like when I was in the bathroom and bent over to blow my nose. Was that you or do I just need glasses?
Mom jokingly suggested we let birds loose, but I don't know if we could do it stoically like you're supposed to when people die. Mom would make a joke and we'd all laugh, I'd try to keep a straight face and then we'd go and eat bbq chicken, ribs, shark, and shish kabobs; your favorite. You never were one for a conventional life and I thank you for raising me to question our suburban neighbors. "Friendly neighbor" as you called the guy who lives next to us with the ranger, the big pot belly and never talked to us, but always kept a nice lawn. I love you dad and it's gonna be hard, but I always tried to be a good swimmer. You never gave up for real and I never will either.
love,
jaymie
