I am writing this because I feel the need to share it. It is not something that I feel I can share with people that I know in real life. I do not wish to have the stigma follow me around. If there is anyone here who may have experienced something of this nature, I would appreciate knowing so.
In September of last year I ordered 10g of what was supposed to be 4-MMC from a large and well known North American RC distributor. The product that I received came in a clear plastic baggie with a sticker labeled Fluorescent Brightener 184 CAS: 7128-64-5 upon it and consisted of tiny needle-like crystals with no scent. The chemical did not look like any 4-MMC that I had ever seen in the past, and I have handled multi kilogram amounts of the substance when it was legal. I split the 10g’s with some friends, sending 5g with them as they were going off to party while I kept 5g for myself. The 5g that I sent with my friends caused one guy to go into convulsions and he had to be hospitalized, where he experienced extreme hallucinations, fevers and other complications. He had only done two lines. I did not find out that this had happened until about a week afterwards.
After doing a small tester line to make sure it wasn’t some potent stimulant that could have been sent as a mistake, I took the plunge and began a session. Almost immediately I could tell that the substance was not mephedrone. The experience was “flatter” than with mephedrone, music appreciation was not as profound and the euphoria was not near as strong. The buzz had a psychedelic tint to it that I had never experienced on mephedrone, and I felt as though I had waves/liquid washing over my body. I believe that at some point I may have hallucinated a female in my bed next to me, who I told some of my troubles to. The chemical did not make me especially horny, which mephedrone has always done, and after the initial 4 hours or so of euphoria had faded away redosing did not make it return, nor did redosing give that dopamine rush that makes you feel jacked up that everyone who did 4-MMC knows about. The comedown was a smooth afterglow, and redosing only intensified the afterglow a bit. The chemical gave no residual stimulation and I was able to go right to sleep within minutes of my last line, which does not happen with mephedrone without the aid of benzos.
After the experience I fully believed that the chemical was 4-EMC, and I posted such on SafeorScam. As I stated previously, I had handled large quantities of 4-MMC when it was legal and had personally ingested somewhere in the range of 90g myself over a 2+ year period. I knew that the chemical was definitely not 4-MMC or 4-MEC and the high from it did not match up at all with other known cathinones, except for what I read of 4-EMC, which was just starting to pop up around the scene in earnest at that time.
I was quite aggravated that the chemical I had purchased was not 4-MMC, which was my favorite drug. However, I was able to get over this annoyance as I thought that the compound was still rather nifty. I split some with a few friends the next night, and I ingested three decently sized lines. I noticed that I seemed to have already developed a tolerance to the chemical, and they did not have any great effect on me. I had taken 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine daily for years, so I found it rather odd that I did not get much from the lines, as I never had a problem with doing mephedrone on consistent nights, experiencing only a slight drop-off in potency. I did not do any of the chemical the following night, as I decided to let my tolerance go back down.
Sitting around bored on the 4th night, I decided to have another session. After all, that tends to happen when you have nothing to do and have a quantity of drugs within arm’s reach. Keeping in mind the tolerance that I had already experienced, I started with a much larger initial dose and my follow up redoses were of a large quantity also. The effects were moderately strong, yet still not as strong as the original session. I got almost nothing from redosing after 3 hours, so I decided to put the stuff away and go to bed. Once again, I was able to fall right to sleep, unlike with mephedrone where I would have to lie there for an hour or longer before I drifted off if I had no benzos. I had consumed more in that three hour period than I had the other two times I had used the substance combined.
What am I going to describe now is very difficult for me to do, as you simply cannot possibly know what any of it is like if have you not experienced it. It is hard to put into words.
I woke up the next day clearheaded. By clearheaded I do not mean simply thinking properly, I mean clearheaded as in I had almost no sensation where my head is located. I could feel my actual thought process, it felt like a bit of electricity moving throughout my head, much like the system idle process of a computer. If I concentrated on a thought, I could feel a corresponding increase in the electrical sensation, while if I tried to not focus on anything or think as little as possible, I could feel it go down to baseline. Other than that I did not even feel a sense of numbness in my head, I simply felt nothing, like my head and brain were simply not there.
I found that I no longer possessed emotions. I felt absolutely nothing. Things that would normally cause happiness simply created a slight warming sensation in my body that dead ended below my neck. A hug from my mother, my dog that I love more than anything in the world jumping up and licking my face, nothing caused any kind of emotional response. Things that would make me upset or sad had no effect upon me. I could have taken a lie detector test and answered any question asked of me in any way and it would have indicated truthfulness. I did not even get upset over what had happened to me, as my mind no longer possessed that ability. I simply began thinking incredibly logically, and in a perverse way saw some benefit in not being able to become upset, sad, angry, desirous or any other negative emotion. That I was losing the good along with the bad did not trouble me much.
The skin on my face felt extremely tight; as if someone had a thick sheet of saran wrap stretched across my face and was pulling on both ends of the sheet from behind. The muscles in my face were rigid and it required serious effort to do something like smile. It felt almost as if my face had turned to stone.
I had a loss of physical sensation throughout my entire upper body, including my penis. I poked myself rather deeply with a pin and felt no pain or stinging sensation, only a bit of pressure when the pin was first breaking the skin. I accidentally whacked my head on the bottom of my counter top when bending over to pick up something, hard enough to leave a knot the size of half of a ping pong ball, but felt no pain at all, just the feeling of my head bouncing off the counter. There was no soreness. I was unable to feel any physical strain, and doing muscle failure pushups did not cause my arms to feel anything, I simply went up, down, up, down until I eventually fell upon my face. I did not feel any fatigue in my muscles. I simply felt numb all over.
Those were the short term complications. Over a period of several days I started to experience tingling sensations, first starting at the base of my skull, along with headaches. The tingling sensations were my receptors being restored, or simply new pathways being developed. I do not know enough about the human brain to decide which. As the tingling moved across my head, I began to experience emotions again, and most of my physical symptoms began to go away. The parts of my brain that took the longest to be restored were two stripes, both of which were aligned with my left and right sinuses, starting at my sinuses and ending at the back of my head. The right stripe was not as bad as the left stripe, as I had been insufflating the chemical mainly with my left nostril. After a few days my brain felt normal again, and most of my symptoms had cleared up.
I had long term side effects which did not go away after a period of days.
I found that my body no longer responded to temperature like it once did. Over the course of the winter I often went outside in ~30 degree weather, in just shorts and sandals with no shirt on. I could stay outside for hours at a time and not experience any coldness, only a light crispness upon my skin. It felt rather refreshing, to be honest. I had to make it a point to remember to dress warmly when I went out, even though I did not physically feel the need to, as people who thought the weather was cold noticed my lack of bundling up and would question me about why I was underdressed. If everyone around you is wearing jeans, a long sleeved shirt and a heavy jacket they start to notice the guy who is in shorts and a t-shirt and wonder what the deal is. I do not notice hot temperatures either, and was not overly uncomfortable outside this past summer when it would be 100+ degrees with 80%+ humidity. Once again, my skin felt warm, but my body does not seem to register temperature internally as it once did. Throughout my entire adult life I have kept the thermostat in my house at 68-70 degrees, however now I keep it on 76 in the summer and had no problem leaving the heat as low as 60 in the winter. Anytime I had guests over I would have to change the thermostat to a temperature that they found comfortable, so they would not think something was awry.
My sleep cycle became incredibly messed up. I found myself unable to sleep past first light, even with blackout curtains on my windows. No matter how late I stayed up, my eyes would always pop open around 6 – 7 a.m. and I would be completely unable to go back to sleep. Mind you, I was able to take a nap later on during the daytime if I chose to, but I was unable to sleep once I awoke in the morning time. From September until late March I only slept past 8 a.m. one time. I stayed awake until almost 4 a.m. and then took 16mg Klonopin (I have almost no benzo tolerance btw) and 40mg oxycodone. I awoke at 10 a.m., fully alert and unable to go back to sleep. The benzos were still so strong in my system that I could not walk across the room without stumbling everywhere, but I was still unable to go back to sleep.
My short term memory is not as good as it once was.
I am no longer passionate about anything. I used to love movies, so much so that I collected several hundred DVD’s over the years. I own many first print Criterion releases; I had seen every worthwhile obscure foreign flick in existence along with every film in the IMDB top 250 and was a bit of a big wig on several movie oriented torrent trackers, such as AsianDVDClub. I savored the hunt when I would have to search out some little known foreign movie, and received much satisfaction when I finally found the film and got to experience it. Great movies touched me.
I have watched only five movies over the past year. The enjoyment that I once experienced from watching great films is gone. I no longer listen to anywhere near as much music as I once did either, and even when I do I do not get any real sense of pleasure from it. For a decade I loved the sport of mma and have even trained off and on for years, but now I am not interested in it in the slightest.
I live in a constant state of dysthymia. My grades in school have plummeted. I have drifted away from my friends and loved ones. I am told by others that I have become cold and not a person that they wish to be around.
I do not know what else there is to say.
In September of last year I ordered 10g of what was supposed to be 4-MMC from a large and well known North American RC distributor. The product that I received came in a clear plastic baggie with a sticker labeled Fluorescent Brightener 184 CAS: 7128-64-5 upon it and consisted of tiny needle-like crystals with no scent. The chemical did not look like any 4-MMC that I had ever seen in the past, and I have handled multi kilogram amounts of the substance when it was legal. I split the 10g’s with some friends, sending 5g with them as they were going off to party while I kept 5g for myself. The 5g that I sent with my friends caused one guy to go into convulsions and he had to be hospitalized, where he experienced extreme hallucinations, fevers and other complications. He had only done two lines. I did not find out that this had happened until about a week afterwards.
After doing a small tester line to make sure it wasn’t some potent stimulant that could have been sent as a mistake, I took the plunge and began a session. Almost immediately I could tell that the substance was not mephedrone. The experience was “flatter” than with mephedrone, music appreciation was not as profound and the euphoria was not near as strong. The buzz had a psychedelic tint to it that I had never experienced on mephedrone, and I felt as though I had waves/liquid washing over my body. I believe that at some point I may have hallucinated a female in my bed next to me, who I told some of my troubles to. The chemical did not make me especially horny, which mephedrone has always done, and after the initial 4 hours or so of euphoria had faded away redosing did not make it return, nor did redosing give that dopamine rush that makes you feel jacked up that everyone who did 4-MMC knows about. The comedown was a smooth afterglow, and redosing only intensified the afterglow a bit. The chemical gave no residual stimulation and I was able to go right to sleep within minutes of my last line, which does not happen with mephedrone without the aid of benzos.
After the experience I fully believed that the chemical was 4-EMC, and I posted such on SafeorScam. As I stated previously, I had handled large quantities of 4-MMC when it was legal and had personally ingested somewhere in the range of 90g myself over a 2+ year period. I knew that the chemical was definitely not 4-MMC or 4-MEC and the high from it did not match up at all with other known cathinones, except for what I read of 4-EMC, which was just starting to pop up around the scene in earnest at that time.
I was quite aggravated that the chemical I had purchased was not 4-MMC, which was my favorite drug. However, I was able to get over this annoyance as I thought that the compound was still rather nifty. I split some with a few friends the next night, and I ingested three decently sized lines. I noticed that I seemed to have already developed a tolerance to the chemical, and they did not have any great effect on me. I had taken 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine daily for years, so I found it rather odd that I did not get much from the lines, as I never had a problem with doing mephedrone on consistent nights, experiencing only a slight drop-off in potency. I did not do any of the chemical the following night, as I decided to let my tolerance go back down.
Sitting around bored on the 4th night, I decided to have another session. After all, that tends to happen when you have nothing to do and have a quantity of drugs within arm’s reach. Keeping in mind the tolerance that I had already experienced, I started with a much larger initial dose and my follow up redoses were of a large quantity also. The effects were moderately strong, yet still not as strong as the original session. I got almost nothing from redosing after 3 hours, so I decided to put the stuff away and go to bed. Once again, I was able to fall right to sleep, unlike with mephedrone where I would have to lie there for an hour or longer before I drifted off if I had no benzos. I had consumed more in that three hour period than I had the other two times I had used the substance combined.
What am I going to describe now is very difficult for me to do, as you simply cannot possibly know what any of it is like if have you not experienced it. It is hard to put into words.
I woke up the next day clearheaded. By clearheaded I do not mean simply thinking properly, I mean clearheaded as in I had almost no sensation where my head is located. I could feel my actual thought process, it felt like a bit of electricity moving throughout my head, much like the system idle process of a computer. If I concentrated on a thought, I could feel a corresponding increase in the electrical sensation, while if I tried to not focus on anything or think as little as possible, I could feel it go down to baseline. Other than that I did not even feel a sense of numbness in my head, I simply felt nothing, like my head and brain were simply not there.
I found that I no longer possessed emotions. I felt absolutely nothing. Things that would normally cause happiness simply created a slight warming sensation in my body that dead ended below my neck. A hug from my mother, my dog that I love more than anything in the world jumping up and licking my face, nothing caused any kind of emotional response. Things that would make me upset or sad had no effect upon me. I could have taken a lie detector test and answered any question asked of me in any way and it would have indicated truthfulness. I did not even get upset over what had happened to me, as my mind no longer possessed that ability. I simply began thinking incredibly logically, and in a perverse way saw some benefit in not being able to become upset, sad, angry, desirous or any other negative emotion. That I was losing the good along with the bad did not trouble me much.
The skin on my face felt extremely tight; as if someone had a thick sheet of saran wrap stretched across my face and was pulling on both ends of the sheet from behind. The muscles in my face were rigid and it required serious effort to do something like smile. It felt almost as if my face had turned to stone.
I had a loss of physical sensation throughout my entire upper body, including my penis. I poked myself rather deeply with a pin and felt no pain or stinging sensation, only a bit of pressure when the pin was first breaking the skin. I accidentally whacked my head on the bottom of my counter top when bending over to pick up something, hard enough to leave a knot the size of half of a ping pong ball, but felt no pain at all, just the feeling of my head bouncing off the counter. There was no soreness. I was unable to feel any physical strain, and doing muscle failure pushups did not cause my arms to feel anything, I simply went up, down, up, down until I eventually fell upon my face. I did not feel any fatigue in my muscles. I simply felt numb all over.
Those were the short term complications. Over a period of several days I started to experience tingling sensations, first starting at the base of my skull, along with headaches. The tingling sensations were my receptors being restored, or simply new pathways being developed. I do not know enough about the human brain to decide which. As the tingling moved across my head, I began to experience emotions again, and most of my physical symptoms began to go away. The parts of my brain that took the longest to be restored were two stripes, both of which were aligned with my left and right sinuses, starting at my sinuses and ending at the back of my head. The right stripe was not as bad as the left stripe, as I had been insufflating the chemical mainly with my left nostril. After a few days my brain felt normal again, and most of my symptoms had cleared up.
I had long term side effects which did not go away after a period of days.
I found that my body no longer responded to temperature like it once did. Over the course of the winter I often went outside in ~30 degree weather, in just shorts and sandals with no shirt on. I could stay outside for hours at a time and not experience any coldness, only a light crispness upon my skin. It felt rather refreshing, to be honest. I had to make it a point to remember to dress warmly when I went out, even though I did not physically feel the need to, as people who thought the weather was cold noticed my lack of bundling up and would question me about why I was underdressed. If everyone around you is wearing jeans, a long sleeved shirt and a heavy jacket they start to notice the guy who is in shorts and a t-shirt and wonder what the deal is. I do not notice hot temperatures either, and was not overly uncomfortable outside this past summer when it would be 100+ degrees with 80%+ humidity. Once again, my skin felt warm, but my body does not seem to register temperature internally as it once did. Throughout my entire adult life I have kept the thermostat in my house at 68-70 degrees, however now I keep it on 76 in the summer and had no problem leaving the heat as low as 60 in the winter. Anytime I had guests over I would have to change the thermostat to a temperature that they found comfortable, so they would not think something was awry.
My sleep cycle became incredibly messed up. I found myself unable to sleep past first light, even with blackout curtains on my windows. No matter how late I stayed up, my eyes would always pop open around 6 – 7 a.m. and I would be completely unable to go back to sleep. Mind you, I was able to take a nap later on during the daytime if I chose to, but I was unable to sleep once I awoke in the morning time. From September until late March I only slept past 8 a.m. one time. I stayed awake until almost 4 a.m. and then took 16mg Klonopin (I have almost no benzo tolerance btw) and 40mg oxycodone. I awoke at 10 a.m., fully alert and unable to go back to sleep. The benzos were still so strong in my system that I could not walk across the room without stumbling everywhere, but I was still unable to go back to sleep.
My short term memory is not as good as it once was.
I am no longer passionate about anything. I used to love movies, so much so that I collected several hundred DVD’s over the years. I own many first print Criterion releases; I had seen every worthwhile obscure foreign flick in existence along with every film in the IMDB top 250 and was a bit of a big wig on several movie oriented torrent trackers, such as AsianDVDClub. I savored the hunt when I would have to search out some little known foreign movie, and received much satisfaction when I finally found the film and got to experience it. Great movies touched me.
I have watched only five movies over the past year. The enjoyment that I once experienced from watching great films is gone. I no longer listen to anywhere near as much music as I once did either, and even when I do I do not get any real sense of pleasure from it. For a decade I loved the sport of mma and have even trained off and on for years, but now I am not interested in it in the slightest.
I live in a constant state of dysthymia. My grades in school have plummeted. I have drifted away from my friends and loved ones. I am told by others that I have become cold and not a person that they wish to be around.
I do not know what else there is to say.
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