My demon

[ShelleBear]

I sit here......and look at it. Letting the uncontrolable urge getting close to taking me over, but fighting it. Knowing that if I give in that everything will be okay for "just one more night." And knowing also that after the illusion is gone.....that I will face my reality Im trying to escape.
But there it is.....in front of me...pure, white, and already cut up to free me from my current reality. And knowing as I do that line that "this isnt what I want" but another part is knowing that "I want this".
Willpower. One word, but yet in that one word lies the battle of one's life. What do you do when you "know" your living a life filled of lies....but to keep that love.....you'll keep on living it.
They say "one time is never enough"......and there right.........and I know this.......
they are right......you only become addicted if you let yourself....
in my case, anything was better than that pitch black hole......
and I actually "felt".....
I pray.......not just for myself, but for anyone else out there....never give up.....
As the demon stares us in the eye, and we realize that it is a demon...we will prevail, its when you dont care and dont seee the demone that you wont prevail.
Enough of my wothless ramble....guess my writing isnt typical "poetry"....but its my release....
my way to face my demon.
Shelle

 

[Mellabopper]

it definitely makes you think.
never stop fighting
Mellabopper
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~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"

 

[Binkie]

Shell,
I think we all live with are own private demons. The ones who call to us saying do this and it will go away. It doesnt really go away it feels like it does, it seems like it for those few short moments.
That everything is fine we all choose to be numb sometimes. I think we are all just looking for the relief that comes from being numb. Knowing that for a short time everything is fine life as we know it is nothing more then a blur.
I love you Shell and im here if you need me
send me an email, running man if you need to talk.
love ya
A
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The more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets...

 

[Noodle]

No advice here.
I know that feeling of duality while sitting out in front of powder on a a mirror.
I didn't look at myself as I snorted two lines back. I just stared at the powder, making certain I got it all back through the straw.
It is difficult to face the truth about all things at all times.
Truth is, I am lost right now. And that is some difficult stuff to swallow.
Nice work. It touched me.

 

[Astrogirl]

Shelle-
As you know I can kinda relate...Please don't give up girl!
E-mail me if you ever wanna talk.
*Astrogirl*

 

[ShelleBear]

You guys could make me cry from caring so much. I love you addie and sue so much, and you dont know how much it means to me to know that you guys are here for me.
And astrogirl, thanks. I know weve talked about this subject together before, Im glad to know that your still there for me too.
Just wanted to let you guys know how much you all mean to me.
Shelle

 

[SomeoneLikeME]

It's like someone else said on another post..."how scary is it when you read your own thoughts..written by another..."
I didn't know a stranger had the power to bring tears to these eyes...

 

[*SWeeT-e*]

How do you find life again? It's taken you so long to find something to make you happy...it's been so long since you've had something that makes you feel alive. And isn't it good to feel alive? How dare anyone try to take this away from you- you NEEDED this for so long- they just don't understand.
How can something that feels so good be so bad?
I still haven't figured it out. I ended up hating myself so much because of drugs...so I stopped...and now so many times I hate my life without drugs. Life was just better when I was always on drugs. But I have to constantly remind myself- that wasn't LIFE. And that wasn't LIVING.
So what is?
Sweetie I don't know. But I understand. Email me if you ever want to talk.
Beautiful writing.

Much love,
~kimmy.
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~*~I hope you take a piece of me with you...~*~