DL-ark
Bluelighter
Maybe it is the bad 25c kick I had relatively recently, where I was using at least 375mcg every week, which was pretty irresponsible as I understand, I figured out that when I used such a low dose the normal psychedelic re-using effect didn't seem to work properly (25c is VERY euphoric in my experience, and this was part of it, although I know I was also drawn to the light, but still constant psychedelia).
Anyway, unusual addictive behavior aside, I have been recently been shifting my agnosticism to an interesting theory of a god or deity(s) of some sort. I will call this pantheon, or perhaps singular deity god, as I haven't explored these different possibilities yet.
Recently I have been noticing some very interesting patterns in my life. When I become proud, or anticipating a success of something which would benefit me, I notice that the chances of this something succeeding become lower. For example, while watching a counter-strike game which I bet a certain amount of money on, my team was winning by quite a bit. I quickly became confident in their imminent win, but soon after this thinking, my team began to lose rounds, and eventually the teams reached a tie, and the map went into overtime. I quickly became nervous as the other team advanced. Once I realized by team may not win, they started winning rounds again, and once again I became confident. Then, another loss. This is where I saw this pattern (psychotic behavior aswell, noticing patterns that don't exist, but it seemed very reasonable as they two parts followed eachother with precison). So, I calmed my confidence down, and even when my team quickly began to win again, I still tried to stay grounded, as anything can happen. My team one in a nail biting game, I one the bet, bingbadaboom. This sort of pattern has continued in many instances, even when I should have 99.9% of succeeding, if I become confident or proud, bad things happen. This activity only does not happen when the thing I am hoping for has little to no chance in the first place.
My proposal is that perhaps there is a god, or some emissary of god who can see my thoughts, and sees pride and confidence and wishes to keep me grounded and careful. When I do this, he can help me, as I am being good, as long as it won't be too much out of his way. I think of the god as benevolent, but fair above all. Not fair like free gifts, but fair in the main sense of the word, good for good, bad for bad. He is very much involved in changing small events to try and make humans better people, but he does not have control over much more macro scale things. However, by trying to make people better through a subtle "shock training" he hopes to make mankind as a whole better, and so we can solve our problems ourselves. It may seem egotistical, but I have a theory for why a large counter-strike match ( and several others) might be swayed for me. Other people, likely have the same train of thought, maybe not all of them find the pattern, but since some may, and the other team's fans will be counteracting it, whoever has the most people who try to stay grounded will get the reward if it is possible to do. But this balancing I have noticed has also applied with personal things, which only pertain to me, such as fixing random items or installing hardware into my computer, I must be cautious if it is to work. I've even had a spiritual experience of 25c-nbome ( which seems to be more spiritual then people say) pertaining to this theory which I may go into later, but I believe that the 5-ht2a receptor is what opens your mind to god or his emmisaries, so they can detect this pride. Psychedelics which activate this receptor allow you to open even more up to god then just serotonin does.
I either believe this, or that reality is just created by our minds, which is a simpler way of understanding this, but I find this too intangible to really believe. One simple man's mind is too much to create the intricacies of the universe. This is exactly what the concept of god allows us to think about, since he is god and all powerful, he does have the mindpower to create the complex simulation, and then rule it as a benevolent assistant, trying to fix man's mistakes by making men better, so they can fix it themselves.
I guess my question for the discussion is this: Has anyone else noticed any patterns that would suggest such a god or deity or pantheon of some sort?
Anyway, unusual addictive behavior aside, I have been recently been shifting my agnosticism to an interesting theory of a god or deity(s) of some sort. I will call this pantheon, or perhaps singular deity god, as I haven't explored these different possibilities yet.
Recently I have been noticing some very interesting patterns in my life. When I become proud, or anticipating a success of something which would benefit me, I notice that the chances of this something succeeding become lower. For example, while watching a counter-strike game which I bet a certain amount of money on, my team was winning by quite a bit. I quickly became confident in their imminent win, but soon after this thinking, my team began to lose rounds, and eventually the teams reached a tie, and the map went into overtime. I quickly became nervous as the other team advanced. Once I realized by team may not win, they started winning rounds again, and once again I became confident. Then, another loss. This is where I saw this pattern (psychotic behavior aswell, noticing patterns that don't exist, but it seemed very reasonable as they two parts followed eachother with precison). So, I calmed my confidence down, and even when my team quickly began to win again, I still tried to stay grounded, as anything can happen. My team one in a nail biting game, I one the bet, bingbadaboom. This sort of pattern has continued in many instances, even when I should have 99.9% of succeeding, if I become confident or proud, bad things happen. This activity only does not happen when the thing I am hoping for has little to no chance in the first place.
My proposal is that perhaps there is a god, or some emissary of god who can see my thoughts, and sees pride and confidence and wishes to keep me grounded and careful. When I do this, he can help me, as I am being good, as long as it won't be too much out of his way. I think of the god as benevolent, but fair above all. Not fair like free gifts, but fair in the main sense of the word, good for good, bad for bad. He is very much involved in changing small events to try and make humans better people, but he does not have control over much more macro scale things. However, by trying to make people better through a subtle "shock training" he hopes to make mankind as a whole better, and so we can solve our problems ourselves. It may seem egotistical, but I have a theory for why a large counter-strike match ( and several others) might be swayed for me. Other people, likely have the same train of thought, maybe not all of them find the pattern, but since some may, and the other team's fans will be counteracting it, whoever has the most people who try to stay grounded will get the reward if it is possible to do. But this balancing I have noticed has also applied with personal things, which only pertain to me, such as fixing random items or installing hardware into my computer, I must be cautious if it is to work. I've even had a spiritual experience of 25c-nbome ( which seems to be more spiritual then people say) pertaining to this theory which I may go into later, but I believe that the 5-ht2a receptor is what opens your mind to god or his emmisaries, so they can detect this pride. Psychedelics which activate this receptor allow you to open even more up to god then just serotonin does.
I either believe this, or that reality is just created by our minds, which is a simpler way of understanding this, but I find this too intangible to really believe. One simple man's mind is too much to create the intricacies of the universe. This is exactly what the concept of god allows us to think about, since he is god and all powerful, he does have the mindpower to create the complex simulation, and then rule it as a benevolent assistant, trying to fix man's mistakes by making men better, so they can fix it themselves.
I guess my question for the discussion is this: Has anyone else noticed any patterns that would suggest such a god or deity or pantheon of some sort?
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