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My Crying I

Dandy

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
1,062
My Crying I

My Crying I, belongs to me

So it’s my ‘eye’ not my ‘I’

(a blink)

and for a split second a release

and when I cry I find it hard to shut

because you said some words that were close enough

to how I feel when I see that my eye doesn’t close,

it just cries a stream that remains because it froze

and the stream continues to flow, - when I’m happy and it sits

on my right cheek, refusing to go away, like the light-bulb that swings

in the dimly right room, it confuses the dark, so I pretend it isn’t there …

and commence at the start

took you to school and took you to work and all it really took was for someone to learn …

why it’s there and why it sits on the side of my face – the streak is always there just harder to see …

so I sit on an angle and turn my head to speak – to turn this ‘invisible’ line into a pale streak

just to show that it hurts, to reach out to someone – for every second this is mine – this is my spine, this is my ‘I’ …
 
This is really cool! The format is interesting, it sortof smoothes you in and then involves you more and more as each line's load gradually increases. My fav. lines were:

<<
took you to school and took you to work and all it really took was for someone to learn …

why it’s there and why it sits on the side of my face – the streak is always there just harder to see …

so I sit on an angle and turn my head to speak – to turn this ‘invisible’ line into a pale streak …
>>

Great work!




skjalff
 
i really enjoyed this piece.

it has a very consistent and heartfelt mood to it, and is quite thought-provoking too. i like the way you play around with the language and rhythm.

really good work man :)
 
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