my crazy life

[delema1]

ive been taking pills since 14 but i never did them because i would enjoy the high i would do them because it would drown my feeling . i hated being sober and be able to know that feel have the ability to hurt me so i would take pills and just dream.when im high off pills or crank i feel like no one can hurt me as if im in my own little world and no one is in it. as a little girl i would sit in my room and look at snowglobes and shake them and wind them to play the music and i would get so mad and sad because i couldnt live in one away from the world struggles. and now i still sit and do that and the same feeling always comes to be a feeling of happyness sad ness anger and its really weird. and when i take pills it takes me to the world it makes me feel like im in the snow globe. and now im sober and its so hard to cope with life.
and now when i take pills it doesnt give me the same feeling it doesnt take the pain away and when im sober i get the worst guilt trip it suck
i feel so lost

 

[Ds]

i take it that ur admiting that u have a problem?

it takes true character to admit something like that. now u can begin recovery.

yeah it may not be fine and dandy for ur first few weeks sober. give it some time.
all u gotta do is not use for the day, u seem like uve been sober before. get a sponsor to talk to.

go to meetings, or find a recovery group in your area.

just dont use!

 

[delema1]

i use to pop pills everydayy. i will take them at school come home and sleep .
and every since october of last year i havent done anything but weed.
but im afraid my promblems are deeper not just drugs:/

 

[babyyphat]

a few things to take into consideration:

taking pills to get high and taking pills to drown your feelings are pretty much the same thing.
also:
- are the pills you're taking perscribed to you?
- what are you taking?
- maybe you need a higher dose?
you can develop a tolerance to pills, and once your body gets used to them you need more in order to feel the same way.

if you "feel lost" and need feel like you need help, talk to a councellor.

also you should stop using meth, it's probably going to make you feel worse in the long run.

 

[delema1]

i have stopped using everything. what i ment to say was i didnt enjoy getting high i hated how felt disgusted but it helped me cope.

i took everything from valuim /vic's oxys OTC pills. everything.
they got me high but i still felt my promblems in life
like before i would get high and i wouldnt feel my promlems\now i get high and i still feel them sometimes worse
i cant get a counsler my mom doesnt belive in them

 

[User Name Here]

It sounds like you need to quit self-medicating (even with weed) because it's not working and possibly even making things worse.

As far as your mom goes, does she know the things you've done to escape your depression? I just can't imagine a mother refusing their child help in a situation like this but if she really is, visit with a school counselor and tell them everything you've told us. Perhaps the school counselor can be a mediator between you and your mother and help convince her that what you really need is to see a doctor--someone who specializes in depression and knows what they're talking about--and if she still balks at the idea, ask your counselor if there's anything else you can do until you're 18 and old enough to do as you please without your mom having to approve.

 

[User Name Here]

Also, if your mother doesn't "believe in therapists" (which sound ridiculous as doctors and therapists are pretty much proven to help millions every year), what DOES she believe in when it comes to treating depression and drug problems??

You know, something I just thought about is that it might even be a form of child abuse if she ignores your cries for help (depending on where you live, of course). Maybe discuss this with a counselor and if that's not possible, mention it to your mom yourself. If she gets confrontational then go to someone else. She can't ignore your cries for help because that's flat out illegal in most places. If you've thought about suicide, she is being downright neglectful by ignoring your problems and telling you to deal with it. This is all if you're under 18, of course. If you're not then see the previous post

I hope you figure something out and feel better soon. If you ever find yourself needing to talk to someone, you are more than welcome to message me.

 

[vortex30]

I'm pretty sure your mom WOULD start to believe in therapists/psychiatrists/addiction counselors if she were to learn of her child's use of pain killers and anxiety medication. Your mom doesn't think there's a real problem here, because she doesn't see it. So if you're worried and want to stop (you need to stop, so you ought to start thinking in the 'I want to stop' way), come clean, that is, if you think your mother would be relatively understanding (AKA, upset, granted, but not dis-owning and not about to kick you out of the house, rather, if you feel she would want to help her child be happy and successful).

Basically, you are becoming addicted to these drugs, and obviously have some under lying mental issues. It sucks because the drugs aren't even taking away your problems at this point! So you need professional help, now or eventually...Your mom is either very ignorant to your problems at the moment (my mom was anti-therapist too, until she began to see the extent of my struggles, she didn't want a mildly depressed son seeing a therapist, but a nervous wreck with HPPD, when she learned of that she was fully supportive), or your mom is not willing to help you (which is sad). She can either be your best ally here, or completely useless to you. Only you know your mother, so you need to figure out, is she an ally or in the way of you getting better. If she's simply in the way then take matters into your own hands, and as the person above me said, seek out help on your own (you're popping Vicodin and Valium, so although not 18 I assume you're over 16, quite old enough to do things and solve your problems independent of mom's help and/or approval).

 

[jctoona84]

Reality does become sharp and cold when sober. This is normal and it will pass as you reconnect with the "real" world. Good luck!