My Child (friendly critcism please! :))

[sparkle_jez]

My Child

This is a constant unending circle of dissatisfaction,
Where is my identity?
I wear masks and give them names,
But in the end I hate them all…
And this frustration builds inside because I cannot find it,
It builds until I want to cut open my skin and peel it all back,
So the child inside can climb out
Anything and everything reminds me of those stones cracking against my skull,
And all those words you said to me; You killed that child in me before it could grow
Now look at this shell, now look at this big black hole,
You ripped the child from the womb and now nothing else can grow,
Life is dark, Life is dead, If nothing else can grow,
How can I ever live when my child is murdered dead,
My child is the real me.

 

[sparkle_jez]

^^ come on....

Am I really that shit at poetry?? lol

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

I liked this, and no you're not shit at all

Your words cut very close to home for me, well done! One thing tho (and I don't really know that much about the format of poetry to begin with - so please don't take what I say as gospel),you could have left out the last line, you got your point across quite well so it really is just a repetition.

 

[sparkle_jez]

thanks for the compliments

I probably should've explained this a little before posting though...
Basically, I have a type of borderline/multiple personality because I went through some horrible events in my emotional development/childhood....
It's permanently affected me in some bad ways. But the main way is that since then i've had no idea who I really am. I have no firm identity.
That's why i included the last line, beacuse I thought people wouldn't get the whole 'child= this real me' that I can't find or identify too.
Oh, and the 'stones cracking against my skull'. That actually happened to me quite frequently at school.....just a small part of the cause effect, so I just had to add it. It gave it physical meaning.

Glad you got the 'child' bit though! I always have that problem when I write...I think people wont get it and so I end up repeating myself........
I also always visualise my 'poems' as song lyrics!
I need to stop doing that!!

 

[Rollingrrl]

no way girl! poems are meant to be read aloud! they get into your head that way just like song lyrics! I do like the piece a lot. my mom's borderline and MPD, and I've read up on it but never really understood how it is inside her head for her on a daily basis. I think your writing just gave me a little glimpse. thank you! keep writing!

~Shelly~

 

[sparkle_jez]

Thanks...........
I'm real sorry , i'm really bad at taking compliments!! lol

......but its really good you could relate to the borderline personality.......
I know I have borderline personality 'disorder', but I just can't summon the guts to get the help

But hey......I will post more MPD/ borderline poetry is you want hun ....

 

[neverwas]

i liked this peice. it was good to read something once i found out the background for the peice...

just a lil note though (not nagging you or anything, a lot of people wonder what u were thinking) ...dont ask people to read your work hun. a lot of people read writting and just dont feel the need to reply some reply some dont. but keep posting by all means