MisterNotSoClean
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2016
- Messages
- 165
My not-so brief summary : Suboxone 8mg cold turkey All the days
Hey there... Never posted before but have stalked BL for a few years. Not really sure why I am posting. Maybe hoping for some therapeutic value I guess...
I am on day 10 of 8MG Suboxone for 3 years... cold turkey. Still going through the fire but determined. Suboxone probably saved my damn life. Not so much my physical life but my life as a whole.
About 5 years ago, after having tore every ligament there was to tear in my knee and 3 surgeries later I was on an easy 200MG a day of hydro for roughly 2 years. When I couldn't get a script I drove 100 miles to get some. Twas bad. At some point, I realized my world revolved around this and I was a slave to my own desires. I tried quitting several times with no success. Finally I called some doctors during my last attempt to see what I needed to do. My current doc recommended suboxone. After maybe just 2 days of being on subs it was like a sheen veil was lifted from my eyes... I felt... normal. I saw the world like normal people do and how I once did. It literally felt magical... for about 2 and 1/2 years.
The last 6 months I struggled with the fact that I am still that same opiate addicted person just now instead of being smacked off my ass on pills, I am completely reliant on these damn small rectangular orange breathstrip looking things. I also noticed that the veil seemed to be returning. I found joy in very few things and began laughing more and more infrequently. So, being that it's been 3 years of being on subs I decided I needed to quit as of about a month ago. It had been 3 years without any painkillers. During which time I had an appendectomy and another knee surgery... I'm only 28. God damn this feeble body
Anyways, I setup everything through work to be out a month (at least). I bought a second hand Xbox as a distraction and stocked up on immodium. 10 days ago I took my last 8mg sub. ( BTW my doc heavily recommended a taper to minimize wds but I know me and I am an all or nothing type person and didn't want to draw out the process)
I don't need to get into all the symptoms as if you are reading this, I'm sure you know. But, I have found 1 symptom nearly paralyzing and another... oddly absent. First off, this no sleep shit is god damn bullshit. I fucking love sleeping. But apparently not anymore as I am sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a night/day for the past week. Immodium has quelled the beast which is my asshole for anyone wondering. (8mg the 2nd morning then been from 4mg to 8mg when necessary) Still I feel like shit after 10 days... But I have found something oddly absent this go around and the Achilles heel of all my previously failed attempts to quit.
The cravings... they don't exist. I noticed this yesterday when my girlfriend found a sub in my travel bag. ( Had no idea it was there) She later asked if the sight of it brought cravings. Which that moment I realized... I had none. Not at all...
My guess is it's the fact that I still, mentally, feel the most part the same of the sub as on. (Minus being a tired crybaby bitch) It's been so long since I've taken Hydros, that even when I try to remember the feeling, I just can't. I can remember situations but not that hydro feeling. It's kinda hard to crave something you don't remember. Really it feels like I've been sick for a week but that's it.
I actually mowed the lawn yesterday. Fucking terrible idea but I did it lol.
Anyways, just wanted to share a brief look into the past 10 days of my life. I would honestly say, if you know in your heart of hearts that you can't beat the pills, then go the sub route. Wds are different for everyone. I believe I am getting off lucky with subs but have heard and seen horror stories.
(I have been at my job long enough to do this without repercussions BTW. That's also kinda important too lol)
~MisterNotSoClean~
Hey there... Never posted before but have stalked BL for a few years. Not really sure why I am posting. Maybe hoping for some therapeutic value I guess...
I am on day 10 of 8MG Suboxone for 3 years... cold turkey. Still going through the fire but determined. Suboxone probably saved my damn life. Not so much my physical life but my life as a whole.
About 5 years ago, after having tore every ligament there was to tear in my knee and 3 surgeries later I was on an easy 200MG a day of hydro for roughly 2 years. When I couldn't get a script I drove 100 miles to get some. Twas bad. At some point, I realized my world revolved around this and I was a slave to my own desires. I tried quitting several times with no success. Finally I called some doctors during my last attempt to see what I needed to do. My current doc recommended suboxone. After maybe just 2 days of being on subs it was like a sheen veil was lifted from my eyes... I felt... normal. I saw the world like normal people do and how I once did. It literally felt magical... for about 2 and 1/2 years.
The last 6 months I struggled with the fact that I am still that same opiate addicted person just now instead of being smacked off my ass on pills, I am completely reliant on these damn small rectangular orange breathstrip looking things. I also noticed that the veil seemed to be returning. I found joy in very few things and began laughing more and more infrequently. So, being that it's been 3 years of being on subs I decided I needed to quit as of about a month ago. It had been 3 years without any painkillers. During which time I had an appendectomy and another knee surgery... I'm only 28. God damn this feeble body

Anyways, I setup everything through work to be out a month (at least). I bought a second hand Xbox as a distraction and stocked up on immodium. 10 days ago I took my last 8mg sub. ( BTW my doc heavily recommended a taper to minimize wds but I know me and I am an all or nothing type person and didn't want to draw out the process)
I don't need to get into all the symptoms as if you are reading this, I'm sure you know. But, I have found 1 symptom nearly paralyzing and another... oddly absent. First off, this no sleep shit is god damn bullshit. I fucking love sleeping. But apparently not anymore as I am sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a night/day for the past week. Immodium has quelled the beast which is my asshole for anyone wondering. (8mg the 2nd morning then been from 4mg to 8mg when necessary) Still I feel like shit after 10 days... But I have found something oddly absent this go around and the Achilles heel of all my previously failed attempts to quit.
The cravings... they don't exist. I noticed this yesterday when my girlfriend found a sub in my travel bag. ( Had no idea it was there) She later asked if the sight of it brought cravings. Which that moment I realized... I had none. Not at all...
My guess is it's the fact that I still, mentally, feel the most part the same of the sub as on. (Minus being a tired crybaby bitch) It's been so long since I've taken Hydros, that even when I try to remember the feeling, I just can't. I can remember situations but not that hydro feeling. It's kinda hard to crave something you don't remember. Really it feels like I've been sick for a week but that's it.
I actually mowed the lawn yesterday. Fucking terrible idea but I did it lol.
Anyways, just wanted to share a brief look into the past 10 days of my life. I would honestly say, if you know in your heart of hearts that you can't beat the pills, then go the sub route. Wds are different for everyone. I believe I am getting off lucky with subs but have heard and seen horror stories.
(I have been at my job long enough to do this without repercussions BTW. That's also kinda important too lol)
~MisterNotSoClean~
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