Mental Health My brain makes no sense to me....... any opinions?

[bdomihizayka]

Since my preteen years (26 now) I've had intrusive thoughts. Whenever I had a "bad" thought, I'd feel guilty and feel like I had to tell my parents. That went away. Then anytime I'd have sex, I'd have to compulsively wash again and again and again. That went away. Then came the Pure-O. I get intrusive thoughts and it can be called sensorimotor ocd or hyperfocused ocd.

I've been on the psyche med merry-go-round. The ONLY med to give me 100% totaly relief was Adderall.

Stimulant meds completely negate my obsessive thoughts. I can actually control my mind and I'm focused on the outside world and not in my own head. It actually makes me calm- but speedy nonetheless at the same time. I'm not going to pretend like I can "sleep" after dosing an amphetamine- I'm a bit wired, but not tweaker status- just enough it seems.

Does this mean that my intrusive thoughts are a manifestation of ADD?

I have heard that OCD and ADD can "touch" and are co-morbid quite often.


The only thing that sucks is that Adderall drastically changes my personality and I really feel the highs and lows of the medication daily.

Is there really any legit alternatives to Adderall, Ritalin, Concerta, Desoxyn, Dexedrine, Vyvanse, Focalin, etc?

Maybe Provigil/ nuvigil?


I'm scared to be on medicine for the rest of my life..... I also looked up non-invasive procedures such as TMS and deep brain stimulation. Any thoughts?

 

[pentouch]

what are the 'bad' thoughts?

 

[sigmond]

witnessing presence

 

[bdomihizayka]

witnessing presence

Basically lol.

Buddhist monks sit decades to strengthen their practice to be completely in the present. I am usually in the present and it makes me obsess over stupid shit.

Perhaps it's all about my negative perception of the situation. Well, I know it is.

But still.... it's rough.

 

[MDpatient]

I think deep brain stimulation is very much invasive. What does your doc say? What's the biggest problem of the two, thinking too much or the content of the thought. I 've had Pure O, probably brought on by weed, and going off it, but my thoughts got weighty and very racy, they'd come about all too frequently to let me be. But it wasn't the content it was the quantity and quality of the thoughts, they subsided at some point but it was a rough ride like you said. Have you tried meditation as your avatar might suggest? I am not sure it's indicated or counter indicated, just asking. I used to be really big on buddhism but you get garbage like the above poster's witnessing presence, plus you get to witness some of the actual teachers, monks, roshis etc. and see what fucking nutcases they are, with the dalai lama being the arch rubbish hypocrite of all, and it kinda puts you off the whole thing.

 

[MUSHET]

Hey, what is ADD - sorry for my ignorance, I'm just curious.

When you obsess over 'stupid shit', do you mean your mind kind of makes things up, like you think far too deeply about some insignificant detail, to the point where you exaggerate or warp the insignificant detail into something completely different.

Like if someone says something simple like, 'Nice hair cut'. You'll walk away and analyse it until you are certain the person was actually taking the piss, then you'll scrutinize every single coversation you have had with that person, this will lead you to almost fantasize about them saying something to you that you wouldn't like?

 

[nuube]

If you are obsessing you are not in the present. If you are concerning yourself with the outcomes you are in the past or future. Thoughts are at the end of the day only thoughts. We put a value on them and deem them good or bad thoughts.

I see a busty woman I think um that's nice. If I filter that through the fact that I'm married I can look and say 'oh evidence I'm bad/not to be trusted' OR I can think 'well they are nice breasts'! It is only when we label them good or bad, (or society does), that problems ensue.

Accept our thoughts as not us, (if we stop thinking we still ARE), and if you are focused on these thoughts they will be magnified.

Counselling and understanding are imho the essence in dealing and getting rid of the thoughts as opposed to burying them under drugs. Although that's easy for me to say when I'm not going through it. Stay strong!

 

[Mysterie]

If you are obsessing you are not in the present. If you are concerning yourself with the outcomes you are in the past or future. Thoughts are at the end of the day only thoughts. We put a value on them and deem them good or bad thoughts.

I see a busty woman I think um that's nice. If I filter that through the fact that I'm married I can look and say 'oh evidence I'm bad/not to be trusted' OR I can think 'well they are nice breasts'! It is only when we label them good or bad, (or society does), that problems ensue.

Accept our thoughts as not us, (if we stop thinking we still ARE), and if you are focused on these thoughts they will be magnified.

Counselling and understanding are imho the essence in dealing and getting rid of the thoughts as opposed to burying them under drugs. Although that's easy for me to say when I'm not going through it. Stay strong!

great post

 

[nuube]

Only to glad to help.

 

[bdomihizayka]

I think deep brain stimulation is very much invasive. What does your doc say? What's the biggest problem of the two, thinking too much or the content of the thought. I 've had Pure O, probably brought on by weed, and going off it, but my thoughts got weighty and very racy, they'd come about all too frequently to let me be. But it wasn't the content it was the quantity and quality of the thoughts, they subsided at some point but it was a rough ride like you said. Have you tried meditation as your avatar might suggest? I am not sure it's indicated or counter indicated, just asking. I used to be really big on buddhism but you get garbage like the above poster's witnessing presence, plus you get to witness some of the actual teachers, monks, roshis etc. and see what fucking nutcases they are, with the dalai lama being the arch rubbish hypocrite of all, and it kinda puts you off the whole thing.

Both are a problem- frequency AND intensity.

I have a teacher. He was a student of Chogyam Trungpa Rimpoche and I am very lucky to find him. He has his students such as me sit for long periods of the time performing shikantaza meditation. There are no "rules" to his Buddhism.... he made me take my precepts, and just told me to be aware of when I broke them. For instance, he knows I am an addict, and he never once told me to quit drugs, he just told me to be aware of my mind and body before during and after. He preaches awareness as king. I am very good at analyzing people, and I just could not find this man's ego- everywhere I pressed, he wasn't there. This dude is the real deal and I trust him with my life.

Chogyam Trungpa is the BEST example of a Buddhist teaching. There is no right or wrong or good or bad. The dogma of Buddhism is bullshit.... "right thought, right speech, right action."... etc. It goes against the premise of non-duality, and there being nothing right or wrong. He did cocaine, was a drunk, slept with many women- was the exact opposite of our preconceived notion of what a Buddhist monk should be like- and THAT in and of itself was the perfect teaching itself.

Hey, what is ADD - sorry for my ignorance, I'm just curious.

When you obsess over 'stupid shit', do you mean your mind kind of makes things up, like you think far too deeply about some insignificant detail, to the point where you exaggerate or warp the insignificant detail into something completely different.

Like if someone says something simple like, 'Nice hair cut'. You'll walk away and analyse it until you are certain the person was actually taking the piss, then you'll scrutinize every single coversation you have had with that person, this will lead you to almost fantasize about them saying something to you that you wouldn't like?

ADD is attention deficit disorder. People with it have a hard time focusing.

Like I am obsessed over bodily functions. Pure-O OCD.... blinking breathing swallowing... sometimes I think about them and then I cannot stop thinking about them. And this obviously could be a focus related problem as I cannot control my focus... Adderall and other stimulants actually STOP my obsessive thoughts.

If you are obsessing you are not in the present. If you are concerning yourself with the outcomes you are in the past or future. Thoughts are at the end of the day only thoughts. We put a value on them and deem them good or bad thoughts.

I see a busty woman I think um that's nice. If I filter that through the fact that I'm married I can look and say 'oh evidence I'm bad/not to be trusted' OR I can think 'well they are nice breasts'! It is only when we label them good or bad, (or society does), that problems ensue.

Accept our thoughts as not us, (if we stop thinking we still ARE), and if you are focused on these thoughts they will be magnified.

Counselling and understanding are imho the essence in dealing and getting rid of the thoughts as opposed to burying them under drugs. Although that's easy for me to say when I'm not going through it. Stay strong!

I know that it's not being in the present if we are freaking out and having anxiety- even about being in the moment. To "accept" these thoughts for me is very hard to do because they are so distressing to me. I really need help and I don't like relying on ADD medication or any kind of medication for that matter.

 

[Mf_Mayhem]

I am in the middle of being re-diagnosed, and I wonder if I have some OCD tendencies. I obsess over the cleanliness of my house and I seriously cannot stop thinking about it until it's up to my standard. I have been trying to learn to let it go, as I have two little boys and it's just impossible to keep the house immaculate. I obsess over the future and various outcomes and the "what ifs" and all that comes with it'. I've always wrote it off as anxiety. I have struggled with that my whole life as well. I feel like i don't have control of my brain, and that it's my worst enemy sometimes. It tells me to do things against my best judgement, and I do them anyway. Self sabotage you could call it. I know this sounds crazy, but what can ya do. I have a psych appointment this month, so I guess we shall see.

 

[herbavore]

OCD is anxiety. It is wanting control when life feels out of control. I recommend reading about and learning to practice mindfulness as this can give you a very different take on "control". It's helped me a lot.

 

[bdomihizayka]

OCD is anxiety. It is wanting control when life feels out of control. I recommend reading about and learning to practice mindfulness as this can give you a very different take on "control". It's helped me a lot.

I lived in a Buddhist monastary for 3 months, meditating 7 hours a day. It made everything so much worse, as my teacher told me it would. I came so close to some kind of edge where it was either I was going to become enlightened, or end up in the looney bin, and I mean that quite literally.

I think it's important for me to continue this, but I mist admit, it's hard- to sit still and be with yourself.

 

[MUSHET]

Sorry - I did actually know what ADD is, I feel silly now...

 

[nuube]

Both are a problem- frequency AND intensity.

I have a teacher. He was a student of Chogyam Trungpa Rimpoche and I am very lucky to find him. He has his students such as me sit for long periods of the time performing shikantaza meditation. There are no "rules" to his Buddhism.... he made me take my precepts, and just told me to be aware of when I broke them. For instance, he knows I am an addict, and he never once told me to quit drugs, he just told me to be aware of my mind and body before during and after. He preaches awareness as king. I am very good at analyzing people, and I just could not find this man's ego- everywhere I pressed, he wasn't there. This dude is the real deal and I trust him with my life.

Chogyam Trungpa is the BEST example of a Buddhist teaching. There is no right or wrong or good or bad. The dogma of Buddhism is bullshit.... "right thought, right speech, right action."... etc. It goes against the premise of non-duality, and there being nothing right or wrong. He did cocaine, was a drunk, slept with many women- was the exact opposite of our preconceived notion of what a Buddhist monk should be like- and THAT in and of itself was the perfect teaching itself.



ADD is attention deficit disorder. People with it have a hard time focusing.

Like I am obsessed over bodily functions. Pure-O OCD.... blinking breathing swallowing... sometimes I think about them and then I cannot stop thinking about them. And this obviously could be a focus related problem as I cannot control my focus... Adderall and other stimulants actually STOP my obsessive thoughts.



I know that it's not being in the present if we are freaking out and having anxiety- even about being in the moment. To "accept" these thoughts for me is very hard to do because they are so distressing to me. I really need help and I don't like relying on ADD medication or any kind of medication for that matter.

You are identifying with these thoughts. That's why they are distressing you. I have sat in religious services and the thought came to mind that it would be really funny to strip off and dance naked on the alter. Needless to say I didn't do it but for months afterwards any-time I was at a service I would have had this thought intruding dozens of times. I knew it was not what I would ever do so obviously it wasn't my thought just a random thought that had come to my attention and because it struck me as funny, (equally I could have been horrified that I thought such a thing), the thought stuck and kept reoccurring.

If I was depressed and a thought popped through my head I should kill myself I would hold on to that thought because of the negative state of my mind, equally a thought that isn't the world beautiful would be discounted.

We average around 50,000 - 70,000 thoughts a day, if we sleep for 6 hrs that's say 70,000 thoughts in 18 hours that's 3,888.333 an hour that's 64.8 thoughts a minute, we do not consciously have this level of thoughts. Our brains I think are like magnets and depressed people will pull out of those 64 thoughts a minute the negative ones, anxious people will focus on the fearful ones and happy people the happy thoughts.

Do not accept the thoughts they are not you, thoughts are thoughts and are made up of environmental stimuli, genetics and past experiences they are not indicative of you at the present. Laugh at them if you can look at them as if they are someone elses thoughts not yours. If the thoughts are really getting to you try masturbation, a good wank will ease the pressure and distract, (and no I'm not being glib it does work!!).

 

[cj]

Have you tried taking low doses of something like Adderal extened release over a long period of time? I really think you will get to the point where you don't notice the highs and lows as much. like 10mg xr is where I would start at. Don't quit after a week it may take 6 months.

 

[bdomihizayka]

You are identifying with these thoughts. That's why they are distressing you. I have sat in religious services and the thought came to mind that it would be really funny to strip off and dance naked on the alter. Needless to say I didn't do it but for months afterwards any-time I was at a service I would have had this thought intruding dozens of times. I knew it was not what I would ever do so obviously it wasn't my thought just a random thought that had come to my attention and because it struck me as funny, (equally I could have been horrified that I thought such a thing), the thought stuck and kept reoccurring.

If I was depressed and a thought popped through my head I should kill myself I would hold on to that thought because of the negative state of my mind, equally a thought that isn't the world beautiful would be discounted.

We average around 50,000 - 70,000 thoughts a day, if we sleep for 6 hrs that's say 70,000 thoughts in 18 hours that's 3,888.333 an hour that's 64.8 thoughts a minute, we do not consciously have this level of thoughts. Our brains I think are like magnets and depressed people will pull out of those 64 thoughts a minute the negative ones, anxious people will focus on the fearful ones and happy people the happy thoughts.

Do not accept the thoughts they are not you, thoughts are thoughts and are made up of environmental stimuli, genetics and past experiences they are not indicative of you at the present. Laugh at them if you can look at them as if they are someone elses thoughts not yours. If the thoughts are really getting to you try masturbation, a good wank will ease the pressure and distract, (and no I'm not being glib it does work!!).

Great post. Thank you. I know- my teacher always tells me "Thoughts are like clouds; they can be big, beautiful, ominous, dark, etc.; but they are fundamentally none of your business. And feelings and emotions are just thoughts played at high speed."

I'm trying to integrated my mind into this concept. It's taking lots of practice so to speak (meditation)

Have you tried taking low doses of something like Adderal extened release over a long period of time? I really think you will get to the point where you don't notice the highs and lows as much. like 10mg xr is where I would start at. Don't quit after a week it may take 6 months.

I just got on a low dose Adderall. It is helping, and I am not crashing like I used to. This seems promising. I don't take it everyday either- only as needed, kind of like a benzo-like type deal. PRN.

 

[manboychef]

I have OCD. I can completely relate to unwanted intrusive thoughts. However, mine is not pure-o. I have rituals that I have to do in order to get any sort of relief for a moment. It has caused me not to leave the house much because I always feel like people are thinking I am crazy because of the way I do things...which causes me to obsess over what people think of me.

A very common one for me is I have a very hard time eating in front of other people. I always think they are judging the way I eat so I ended up slowing to a crawl with my food, and having to either move things on my plate, or eat things in a certain order, However I get no momentary relief when this happens, so now I just don't eat in front of other people.

There are also images that are burned into my mind that I cannot for the life of me forget or unsee. At rehobath beach in Delaware when I was seven I saw one of those "for a good time call 555-5555" on the wall of the bathroom. It made me think of how low people can go to the point that I was in tears everytime I thought of it for a good year or so. I just couldn't get that out of my head and thinking what desperate depraved person would be on the other line. Whenever this thought arises I have to get up and walk outside for a moment or I will literally start crying because of the stress of it.

I hate OCD. It is a double edged sword. On one side I am extremely detail oriented and I remember things for a very long time, on the other hand, when not properly medicated and attending weekly therapy I am a neurotic wreck that can't leave the house. (I am finally up to driving in a ten mile radius!)

Medication and talk therapy bdom is what works for me. I also had to learn to be uncomfortable sometimes. Also do you hate when people say my OCD is that I like having my dishes a certain way. I hate that! that is not OCD that is being tidy. Very different. Now if you didn't have your dishes a certain way and kept thinking about it and checking them to make sure they are still how you left them or else you will experience a panic episode...that is OCD.

 

[MUSHET]

Sounds fucking awful mate. I can't even to begin to understand how difficult it must be not to eat in from of people, it's such a social and enjoyable thing to do - eating at the dinner table, going out for a meal, going for a coffee and a cake, sharing a bar of chocolate etc etc.

I suffer from generalised anxiety, it's not too bad just now, it has been worse at other times in my life and has manifested itself with different symptoms at different times. I remember I used to blush really easy for a number of years in my early 20s - that was horrible, as I love to socialise but I'd worry that if I was put on the spot, even asked a simple question or felt everyone was focused on me I'd go red. Thankfully, I seem to have put those days behind me.

I'm sure there has been elements of OCD type behaviour too, you mention tidiness, but sometimes I can't work properly or feel more stressed than usual if my desk isn't in the way i like it organised. I obsess over weird thoughts to, sometimes over things that haven't actually happened, but I perceive an outcome of a made up event in my mind and get angry or stressed about it.

 

[Mf_Mayhem]

Oh wow, I can only imagine how tough that must be to sit with yourself for 7 hours when I can hardly do that for 5 minutes! I am really interested to hear how you do. Best of luck to you!