nah hun - i dont think thats meth
u havnt used heavily for awhile.....bet u anything it will b benzos, which do similar things to ur brain as meth, and which u
hav used for a long time
long enough that theyve affected ur liver function
meth wont b harming u anymore - u can rest assured that u wont hav ruined ur brain from meth that fast
u dont act like someone who has permafried their brain with meth, and u havnt bn on it long enough to hav done so (that and u werent on that high an amount considering; wen i was using after 2yrs, on about 2.5g a day, it was affecting my brain but not to the point where id just forget things the way u do, unless i was fried - u act more the way i did wen i was on a higher level of diazepam)
dont worry, once u get down to about 25mg or so, thats wen ur brain will really start to clear - itll b like the 'fog' has cleared
as long as u dont ever smoke meth the way u were smoking it before again (not cos ur brain cudnt handle it - tbh how cud u know, wen u were on benzos too and u were abusing them to come down from meth so u were using more than now, which was actually fucking up ur brain the worst? - but cos ur body cant; ur more sensitive to meth than me so u can handle less, but that means ur
body can handle less; its equally neurotoxic to all ppl, as r benzos
anyway as long as u stick with smoking meth just as much (or even less if u feel a 1/8th is too much over 2 weeks - and remember my offer to dole it out to u, bits at a time, so u dont binge and can use the way i hav bn) as i hav bn, ull b fine.....well ur body will b, and u wont b physically addicted
however ur brain unfortunately will b a little off for a gd while
uve got to get down from 80mg diazepam
its a v brave thing to do but at first itll make u even more muddled in the head than clonazepam does
as soon as u stabilise on it (ie. r on diazepam only - and feel comfortable) dont hesitate to start dropping ur dose - dont leave it too long, cos the longer u leave it the longer it will b till ur brain/liver hav a chance to heal
and they will AFAIK
im not trying to pressure u here btw - just had to correct u bout wat was making u absent-minded for a start cos....well u know u cant go on blaming P forever
its definitely fucked u up bad physically - its not a gd drug for u to take at the levels u were taking it
but u wont b getting problems from memory loss etc due to P use by now, hun
and also sum part of u needs to start telling urself how angry u r at clonazepam for fucking u up, the same way u do with P
its only then that u can accept that it really is time for u to make that change - cos i dont want u to make that change for me; uve got to do it for urself, and if u dont seem to think it has any negative affects on ur cognitive ability (wen 2mg had heaps on mine!) u r, (not meaning to b unkind but) deluding urself
neither P nor benzos r 'bad' drugs really - its wen theyre used to excess that they become so
the diffrence is that P wds wont kill u - once ur detoxed for 2 weeks u can start using at a low level again without wds
yes, its extremely neurotoxic but it depends on the quantity used and length of time u used it - someone suffering from P neurotoxicity has a permanent slur/lisp wen they speak, find it hard to focus on objects, develop ADHD-like symptoms like hyperactivity etc.....for someone using at ur level, after ud detoxed id give it approx a month till the brain wud almost completely hav repaired itself (maybe a few ADHD-like symptoms, like trouble focussing on tasks, tho u hav to remember this is also a benzo wd)
the problem wiv ur case is u cant say wat is and wat isnt still P cos of the benzo problem, but anything major thats a problem for u wud most likely b benzos by now
thats why u r fine to go back to smoking P without worrying - ur brains had a gd break from it
its benzos its getting ready to tackle - and boy will it b relieved wen u do that one for it (but like i say, u hav to do it cos u hate the drug for wat its doing to u and u want to stop, the same way i am with benzos - if ur giving up cos i 'pressurised u' plz do me a favour and dont even try cos ull just end up hating me once u start going thru the wd....benzo wd is something thats not for the faint-hearted.....but IMO if u r one of those that doesnt want to b bound down by those nasty little pills that fuck with ur brain in an equal way to drugs like P, yet r legally scripted, its worth getting off them for the clear-headedness that u get back)
just imagine, the day wen u no longer hav things going misssing all over the place, wen u dont feel 'burnt out' all the time, wen u dont feel like uve just smoked P/bn up for nights yet u havnt - all uve done is taken ur daily 'meds'
sounds like a dream?
well im going down to 23mg on tuesday night and even tho i know ill hav 5 days of bad wds, on the other hand ill b just a bit closer to the finishing line
my minds getting clearer and clearer
i stopped P wen u did, hun, and i started it again wen u did - taking the same amount
i
do hav permanent damage from P - but were talking yrs and yrs of heavy use as a youngster wen my brain shud hav bn growing (if u really believe this has happened to u u can hav an MRI taken the way i did but it usually doesnt do permanent use to anyone so i doubt it wud do so to u - i doubt benzo use wud do so either) but ive smoked
exactly wat uve smoked and i feel fried right now, yes....but then ive bn smoking all day (after a decent break from it)
but otherwise i feel more clearheaded than ive felt in a long long time
its amazing - and i know its cos of the benzo taper
i think its worth it in the long run, feeling sick as a dog for yrs, if it means im oneday going to hav my brain back to some degree - and we hav each other to help each other thru this (if u want to do it, but u did say u wanted to so i hope im just being insecure - i guess u just havnt felt wat its like to b out of that benzo cloud and its natural to blame it on P wen u hear all those media stories of wat it does to ur brain.....just remember wat the media say half the time is very off-the-ball)
the day that u feel the anger i feel toward benzos and the injustice weve bn done at being prescribed them, will b the day i will feel so so at one with u....i feel this is our only diffrence (i hate benzos cos theyre fucking us both up - and u seem to hate P cos it
used to fuck us both up....i guess to me that doesnt make sense) and i fear that ur going to give up P for gd saying its an evil drug wen really its not - its the way its used
and if i doled it out to u the same amount of times i used it u cudnt abuse it again!
anyway i shudnt b ranting here, i guess im just frustrated at P getting blamed again for something thats not necessarily its fault.....
on a lighter note i lose things all the time - my lighters r the worst
hence why i invented 'lighter land' - the place that all our lighters go to wen we lose them (which is often wiv me)
i also hav done the cellphone thing a million times
hey, ive got damage from long-term growing-brain P use, (probly the young yrs of heavy alcohol/coke use didnt help either tho i doubt they fucked me up for life), im still on 24mgs diazepam (enough to still b....diazepam) PLUS a strong dose of methadone - which doesnt help anyone function 100% (god i hate methadone) AND i hav ADHD!
how do u like that for a scattered brain
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
