My Brain has started to sabotage my fun

[Bowerbird]

I'm getting older but I continue to be insistent that I can still get buckled for the entire weekend and every time, I genuinely believe that I'll bounce back come Monday morning, like I could..... a very long time ago.

These days I suspect my brain is growing tired of my shenanigans and has started to have a bit of fun of it's own. Nowadays, by Sunday if my brain hasn't told lies to my hearing, vision, speech, sense of touch, morality and yes, sometime even my sense of smell - it's obviously been a weekend that I had to spend with people much less fun but far more more mature than I (in saying that though, I think the word Immature is a word made up by boring people to describe fun people).

I'm a pretty good listener, but last weekend - I was seemingly completely ignorant, and that was being part of a conversation that I was interested in with a person I love; I was seeing shit that, as a grown up, I know it's not likely it was real; My speech was impeded by general laziness and my ability to articulate anything I was thinking was not unlike a teenagers text message; when posed with the question "Shall we get more?", my immediate response was "Of Course, why are you asking me a question like that?"

I can't accept the whole thing about not being has young as I used to be blah blah fucking blah - surely there's another explanation for this relatively new battle of Brain vs My Senses and all of my other stuff.

 

[Znegative]

Well, what substances are you using? If your senses and ability to communicate in a proper fashion are being compromised to a point that its worrying you, than perhaps you should at least slow down, if not take a break or stop using all together. Not an answer I'm sure you want to here, but you don't want to screw up your relationships or your brain.

I know for a while, a little over a year ago, I had really fried my brain with stimulants. I had been shooting lots of cocaine, and then, after a two week binge of IV MDPV, I finally snapped and entered a very scary psychotic state. Luckily, the psychosis was only temporary, but after the MDPV ran out, I entered a really dark depression. For about three weeks, I just layed in bed all day, wanting to die. My only hope was that I'd make some more money to get some more stims, which eventually I did. However, I must have loosened a screw, because after that horrible episode with PV, I would start hallucinating on stimulants, no matter how little I took. I remember obtaining some 10mg adderall IR pills, and 30 minutes into taking one, I began to see strange hallucinations in my peripheral vision. In a way I was lucky because I ended up soon after catching a staff infection which landed me in a hospital, and I didn't touch stimulants for another six months, and in that time it seemed that whatever damage I had done healed-up. I am however a lot more cautious now about my use with this type of drug. I avoid IV stims, especially RC's, and really only take dextroamphetamine, never dosing more than 60 mg in a day (and usually lower than that).

If you could provide a bit more background information perhaps we could offer some more advice based on personal experience. While age might have to do with it, it could be that your brain is just getting tired of being battered with whatever substance it is every weekend. I'm twenty four and as I posted above, I've definitely experienced some long term damage from my drug use. Some of it is temporary, and some I fear will be permanent.