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My boyfriend is stingy...

The asking you to buy $300 dollar jeans thing is just unbelievable....I live with my girlfriend...we've been together 6 years...For most of that time, I made far more money than she did. She never took advantage, but I bought her things she wanted because I loved her...

Now, I haven't even worked in 3 weeks.....she buys the things we need, and if I asked her to buy me something she would....but $300 for a pair of jeans, but he complains about paying for dinner?! I'm in a bad mood this week and I'd love to beat the piss out of somebody...this guy sounds like a good candidate! What a slimy little POS!
 
what does it say when it's nearly unanimous advice that a woman with a 'cheap' guy should "dump his ass", while in the other thread the gf of a guy who was actively looking for an escort is told "ohh it's just boys being boys..." ?
 
chasingabee said:
i used to be the stingy one in my relationship. you should just tell him hes stingy and that its not a very nice quality. pretty soon hell realise that being generous will feel better and its ok to let go of the anxiety he has about money.
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Thank you.

The man may just not be aware of how stingy he looks and how uncomfortable it is for you. Here's my answer to this and almost every other thread in SLR.....COMMUNICATE.
 
i'm the same way as the OPs boyfriend. i'll be the first to give a friend a beer or whatnot but buying my GF shit? HELL no i ain't gettin whipped like that.

basically anniversary, valentine's day, christmas, her birthday and that's it.
 
Ok. So he makes more money than you, and is cheap, you pay for things. So he has more disposable income. Tell him to buy his own damn jeans. Bespoke, because spending that much on non-custom clothing is retarded. Well, it's retarded anyway. Tell him to buy you some too, if he's willing to ask YOU to do it.

Then get the money issue sorted out, or dump him, because problems like this that really shouldn't be an issue, will just get bigger with time.
 
Thanks for all the feedback guys.

He isn't poor, he just hates parting with his money. We had a big chat about it; I told him I wasn't buying the jeans anymore and he was cool with it. His rationale was that he is being really thrifty because he is trying to get rid of some debt so we can buy a house. Fair enough, I suppose. He might make more money, but I have less debt, so I guess he assumed that I have more disposable income to spend on such things, which is true to a degree.

Since we spoke he has chipped in a lot more and seemed pretty embarrassed when I told him what a turn off his frugal ways can be. He will never be the type to lavish me with gifts, but I don't expect that. I will probably continue to spend money on things for him, or for both of us, but that's just the way that I am. I hope he understands now that this is something to be grateful for, and not something to get complacent about and abuse.

I consider my money to be "ours" but he prefers to keep things separate, and quite private. Perhaps when I get a lump sum like that again, I'll keep the info to myself. It will feel very secretive though, and I don't like feeling like that - I'm all about transparency usually, especially when living together. Maybe I'm weird!
 
Ladyfiend said:
Thanks for all the feedback guys.

He isn't poor, he just hates parting with his money. We had a big chat about it; I told him I wasn't buying the jeans anymore and he was cool with it. His rationale was that he is being really thrifty because he is trying to get rid of some debt so we can buy a house. Fair enough, I suppose. He might make more money, but I have less debt, so I guess he assumed that I have more disposable income to spend on such things, which is true to a degree.

Since we spoke he has chipped in a lot more and seemed pretty embarrassed when I told him what a turn off his frugal ways can be. He will never be the type to lavish me with gifts, but I don't expect that. I will probably continue to spend money on things for him, or for both of us, but that's just the way that I am. I hope he understands now that this is something to be grateful for, and not something to get complacent about and abuse.

I consider my money to be "ours" but he prefers to keep things separate, and quite private. Perhaps when I get a lump sum like that again, I'll keep the info to myself. It will feel very secretive though, and I don't like feeling like that - I'm all about transparency usually, especially when living together. Maybe I'm weird!
Click to expand...

He's "thrifty" = asking you to buy him $300 pair of jeans? Ok.
He "hates parting with money" but has a lot of debt, therefore, you should pay for everything? Ok.
He wants to "keep things separate" but expect you to share it all with him? Ok.

Sounds like you guys had a nice conversation. How does $300 jeans help him toward buying a house again?
 
I guess he felt like his saving had meant that he wasn't able to have any luxuries, which you just have to suck up when you have a goal you are working towards, even though it can be hard at times.

I could afford to buy them so he thought he'd ask. Hahaha, totally whack, for sure. He would never spend $300 on a pair of jeans but knows that I would. A bit opportunistic! In my defence, decent jeans are quite exxy here in Australia. Nevertheless though, an outrageous request, you're right.
 
You realize that he completely contradicts himself, right? Saving, debt, sacrificing "luxuries" but he doesn't really because he gets them from you. Not an opportunistic but a greedy bf whose taking advantage of you. Relationship is about giving and receiving. It's about compromise. Equal sacrifice. Why are you defending him?
 
chasingabee said:
i used to be the stingy one in my relationship. you should just tell him hes stingy and that its not a very nice quality. pretty soon hell realise that being generous will feel better and its ok to let go of the anxiety he has about money.
Click to expand...

Lol, um somehow I don't think telling him its "not nice" will make him realize being generous feels so much better! Really??8o

She said he already knows he is stingy as he admits to it and says it all the time.

I'm not being mean, but it must be nice to be in a state of mind where this rings true in your world. How much easier everything would be!;)

*edit* geez...just saw the second page of posts. So I am wondering, he is saving money to buy a house and likes to keep his finances private while you are spending money on the 2 of you and are sharing all of yours.
So when he buys the house, is that going to be private too? Do you think this will be his house since he likes to keep everything seperate? Or do you think he is really going to consider it yours too?
 
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Yes you are right!.
I thought I also remembered her post/thread about this same guy won't do any domestic chores either, she does all the cooking, cleaning etc and he never shows any appreciation. He also never buys her gifts and when she buys him gifts he is not real thankful for her generosity. Sounds like a complete asshole to me!
 
Yeah..not sure what he means about all of the story not being told.

Honey all I'm saying is it sounds like he is taking advantage of you. I mean seriously about the house..he's saving, your spending all of your money. You share, he keeps all of his private. You guys moved in together pretty quickly..

You buy him gifts and he doesn't get overly excited about it..kinda expects it. Yet he doesn't buy you stuff cause he "doesn't believe in having to buy someones love and affection"??

You do all the housework and cooking and he doesn't show any appreciation and you don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to?

I would be very concerned that he is saving up his money while you spend on both of you. If he does buy a house, what is it going to be to you? I mean, hon, it really does sound like he is using you.
 
Thanks so much for your objective input. It definitely sounds like he's using me and it feels that way too.

I'm just not sure that he fully understands what he's doing. In many other areas, he treats me like gold. He just isn't generous and doesn't contribute much domestically. I'm still trying to figure out if his behaviour is strategic or if he's ignorant to how selfish and ungrateful he can be, you know?
 
I am sorry if this sounds harsh but to me,the posts above sound a bit like a property settlement argument after a divorce. Please note, utmost respect to the posters it takes different views to see the big picture sometimes.
Okay so perhaps bf is accumulating debt, if it is debt for assets, then good on him, if he has an investment plan and is following through as long as he is considerate of the OPs contributions, financial and otherwise. You may need to have a talk and discuss this.
Pretty Diamond, your comment that he would probably buy the house and make her pay for it should be covered under property laws.
Depending on your location, you generally become shared owners of joint properties after a period of time living together.
In my experience, it is far more common to hear men complain about losing their home to their ex after a divorce. In Australia, anyway a wife has equal equity in a home if she has been a partner and supported the relationship even if she hasn't paid a cent towards it.
And whereas I am not implying that that's what the situation is here, but gold diggers do exist.
Sorry I don't think I have explained my view s fully here, I am on my phone. But I hope you can get an idea of a different perspective.
 
bunnymunro said:
I am sorry if this sounds harsh but to me,the posts above sound a bit like a property settlement argument after a divorce. Please note, utmost respect to the posters it takes different views to see the big picture sometimes.
Okay so perhaps bf is accumulating debt, if it is debt for assets, then good on him, if he has an investment plan and is following through as long as he is considerate of the OPs contributions, financial and otherwise. You may need to have a talk and discuss this.
Pretty Diamond, your comment that he would probably buy the house and make her pay for it should be covered under property laws.
Depending on your location, you generally become shared owners of joint properties after a period of time living together.
In my experience, it is far more common to hear men complain about losing their home to their ex after a divorce. In Australia, anyway a wife has equal equity in a home if she has been a partner and supported the relationship even if she hasn't paid a cent towards it.
And whereas I am not implying that that's what the situation is here, but gold diggers do exist.
Sorry I don't think I have explained my view s fully here, I am on my phone. But I hope you can get an idea of a different perspective.
Click to expand...

Bunny...Maybe you do need to elaborate..

My point is she has stated

His money is private and to himself...she shares hers
He wants her to buy stuff for him..he doesn't buy stuff for her because he doesn't believe in buying someones affection
He doesn't act appreciative when she does buy things for him..he kinda expects it (acts entitled somewhat)
He won't contribute to cooking or cleaning....and does not appreciate her for doing it
She pays for a lot of things in the relationship...but he wants to keep his money "seperate" from her..

So I'm not sure what you are trying to say about a divorce settlement or whatever but my point is he seems to be taking advantage somewhat. And where did you get that he was accumulating debt? What are you talking about?

Ladyfiend..I understand what you are saying girl..
 
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